Foxy Brown Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Hi everyone. I've been in NC for 2 weeks now, and find myself experiencing an array of rapidly changing emotions. While I understand that it's normal to feel different ways, I'm alarmed by how quickly my emotions change, and would like to know if anyone else has experienced this as well. I seem to feel a different way every few days, which has left me extremely confused. So far this is how it's been: utter devastation ("I've just lost the love of my life") misguided hope ("Breaking NC will bring us back together") nostalgia ("I will never have good times like I did with you") strength ("Hey, I can and am getting along with you!") anger ("Eff you for all the things you did in the past that I want to get in your face about and make you feel bad for") desire for emotional vengeance ("I want you to hurt the way I hurt") nostalgia misguided hope ("Maybe today you'll finally contact me") longing, especially to break NC Has anyone else experienced so many emotions over the course of so little time, or am I regressing to adolescence? (Possibly irrelevant background info: 2 year relationship with ex who broke up with me a few months ago. We maintained daily contact, trying to strengthen our friendship, until ex said, "It's not me, it's you" and demanded a break without discussing it with me. Things were left open ["I hope we can try again once I sort myself out"] and the ex left it up to me to decide when to end the break that I never asked for.) Thanks for reading, and any input would be much appreciated!
New2Love4Now Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You're definitely not alone! I cycle through all of the emotions you listed probably 10 times within 5 minutes! Well at least I used to and now I'm much more stable but I'm also 6 weeks into NC. Right now it's mostly nostalgia and sadness and occasional anger at myself. Don't feel bad about your emotions, they'll sort themselves out in time. It helps me to be objective about my emotions. Like when I'm angry I tell myself "I'm feeling angry right now because of XYZ" Writing it down also helps. It helps put things into perspective. I also remind myself that the emotions that I currently feel have no impact on anything or anyone but myself. Whether I'm crying my eyes out and wallowing in sorrow or jumping with joy... things will be no different so I may as well be happy, right? That's how i look at it anyway. Hope this helps 1
TheDovic Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 YES to all of the emotions listed. Especially when you go NC because it's such a difficult (but necessary) thing to do. I felt bombarded by them and just wanted the pain to go away. I was exhaused too because I had very few periods of calm in the weeks and months after breaking contact. Now, a year after going NC I can tell you I occasionally experience some of the emotions you have listed, and sometimes they can be overwhelming. BUT over time your train of thoughts start to slow down, the emotions aren't as frequently intense and you develop some level of peace again. Sooooooooooo, keep going in the knowledge that right now it will be tough, but in time you will start to feel much better! 1
Author Foxy Brown Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Thank you both for responding. It's reassuring to me to hear that others who have experienced this have gotten through and that the intensity will subside over time. Six weeks sounds like an awfully long time, and I can't imagine an entire year of NC! I think you're both to be commended for your strength and resolve in maintaining NC. I find that truly inspiring!
LMNO Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I experience the constant changing of emotions as well, as still havnt figured out how to fully deal with them. The mind is a weird thing, and at times it enrages me that I'm perfectly fine one minute, and 10 minutes later I'm extremely depressed again, and cant get the ex off my mind. Being stuck in Afghanistan for the next 4 months, I'm unfortunately stuck with nothing but my thoughts and no real way to escape them. Drives me nuts. At times I honestly feel like i'm going crazy. 1
stevie_23 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Oh, GOD yes! This was me for the first month or so after my breakup. The cycles were SO rapid and were exactly what you described, Foxy. It was a total roller coaster...up, down, up, down, sideways even! Sometimes I felt peaceful and I tried to cling to that because finally I didn't feel sick to my stomach and with chest pains. But it'd always merge into anger, then hope, then fear, then devastation, then peace again, etc etc ETC! Never ending! Eventually I tried to focus more on the peaceful side. Acknowledging he DID love me. It was a GOOD relationship. But sometimes love just isn't enough and the situation forced us to end and for him to leave me. It's been 3.5 months now and I'm getting better, but am still not 100%. It takes time...and gradually your roller coaster cycles will slow down and some of those things you're thinking will become less, other things will become more, and new things will take other ones' places...
h3braica Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 the roller coaster of emotions really driving me insane! it's as if BU just happened yesterday but i'm on my 3 mos of BU now and hating what i'm feeling. the anger, shock, denial, depression, missing the ex and asking myself the never ending "why's" over and over again is killing me. knowing his happy now and i can't still move on made me hate myself more. how can i forgive when it's hurting me so much? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Yep, That will go away but then the slow pain of recovery will take over...Enjoy..er..the ride.. TFOY
The Tallest One Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I am also in this boat! It's getting slowly better but it can be intense at times. It's very hard to keep her out of my mind and still struggle with everything that she put me through for so long. Just want my joy to return. Want to be able to be with my kids and family and friends and relax and not have her in my head and making me so sad and depressed and lonely.
coralie Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Definitely going through this myself as well. I've gone through every single emotion on your list and then some, such as loneliness, fear, regret, loss, confusion, helplessness, etc. I've had a few random moments where I actually start thinking that I'm feeling good and verging on being happy even (ok maybe I'm somewhat delusional during these strange moments ), but they come out of nowhere and literally it could be minutes or an hour later that I'm crashing down and feeling like it's the end of the world. I'd been in a horrible funk for the past week and could really use an upswing right about now. It is seriously like a rollercoaster, and I'm trying hard to adjust and just go with it. 1
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