LMNO Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 That you'll never love someone again, like you did with your ex? Throughout the many breakups over the past ten years with my ex, I attempted multiple times to move on with other women, to no avail. I am aware that I never fully grieved the loss of my ex at those times, and never got over her. Does that make those rebound relationships? It seems that all they ever did was make me miss her more, even though most of them were great women. I tell myself when you meet "the one", whatever that may mean, that you'll never think about the ex again. Then at times I feel I'll never truly love someone with the intensity that I do her. How does one move past all this?
spirius Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I used to think that too. I was with my first girlfriend for three years and tbf, it was really bad. However, I did love her and was strongly attached to her. I got married a couple of years later but that failed after 4 years. During that time I remember spending days pining after my ex. So when the marriage ended I got back with her. It was soooo romantic. Until she started being a horrible bitch, shouting at my children and hitting me. I got out of it after ten months and was really glad I went back to learn the lesson that I should not have gone back. I still care for her and we are actually good friends now. But all the mystery is gone and the doubts. Can I ask what makes the feeling so intense? I know that sounds a little clinical. My feeling looking back on my own experience was that I hadn't reached closure and had put her up on a pedestal even though she treated me horrendously. Going back messed me up again, but I'm left with no doubts that love isn't always enough. I think if you move on too early then the presence of a woman that is not THE woman is just another reminder of something you are trying to get over. There's millions of women out there and it's only geography that slammed you two together anyway (probably). Keep an open heart and hopefully you will feel the same again, but more likely feel better with someone who you don't keep having to break up with! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Yeah, I definitely feel this, and I think most on here do to. For me, I was focusing on the great times we had and the things that attracted me so much to her. BUT, I have recently started doing just the opposite. That is, take her OFF the pedestal and realize there were plenty of not so great times and more than one or two things I didn't like about her… That helps!! But, yes, I do often feel like that might have lost something special. Not much I could've done though, so no need to worry too much I suppose… 1
na49 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Well I think you need to move out of fantasy land and realize there is no such thing as "the one". I don't believe that there is only ONE person on the entire earth that I will be able to connect with that that one person was my ex. That's just ridiculous. Sure, my ex and I had a lot of similarities. We also had a lot of differences and aren't still together. In your situation you have to help yourself. If you didn't give yourself time to get over your ex. You need to do that. You may surprise yourself and be able to get over it quicker than you think. but you need to be over her before dating again. It's not fair to the girls your dating. You want them to be your ex but they can't be your ex because they aren't your ex. They are new individual people with different things to offer you. 1
travelonic Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Well I think you need to move out of fantasy land and realize there is no such thing as "the one". IMO, it is a matter of perspective - and it depends on what you mean by "the one" - say for example, you mean "the one" being the one you connect with being so ridiculously similar to in many many ways - and that, you find - is what you like in a relationship... maybe there is another like that, but it would not be unreasonable, depending on how similar, and how well as a result you connected, to say it is hard to find [statistically speaking] somebody with those exact qualities. 1
Author LMNO Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 "Can I ask what makes the feeling so intense? I know that sounds a little clinical". I at times cant figure out why I love and care for her as much as I do. Being my sons mother has a lot to do with it, as well as her being the first woman I truly loved. Yet, as horrible as she has been to me over the many years, and as much as I know I deserve better, I still just cant shut her out of my mind or life like she has me, and like most people seem to do so easily. By " The one" I meant the one to get the ex out of my mind.....wasnt insinuating my soul mate or any of that nonsense.....lol
Am4Real Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You'll always be thinking of your EX in new relationships if you do not allow yourself to fully get over the person. You will always be comparing... 1
ToyStoryThree Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I used to get that feeling with my most recent ex, but I think it's what someone else said on here - you're putting them on a pedestal, idealising. When I see a picture of her now, I just think, "OMG really?" and then all the drama that comes with her. So sometimes it does just die down.
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