Boyfriend of 4 years wants to be single and make sure he is happy

[asolimeno]

Okay this may be a little long - I will shorten it as much as possible.

 

My boyfriend and I dated for four years. Freshman in high school until freshman in college. We were each others firsts. We each have never had any other substantial relationships. He has always told me he loves me, cares for me, makes him happy and wants to spend his life with me. He has always showed it in tremendous ways also. I know I am young, but I love him to death and honestly picture my life with him. Everything we want out of life adds up. We are so comfortable around each other and everyone we know envies how strong our relationship is.

 

Anyway... in November, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, he broke up with me. He told me it was not something he wanted to do but he felt he needed to. His feelings had not changed, but he did not want to go through life without other experiences before our relationship got even more serious. After about two weeks he came running back. However, we both agreed not to jump into a relationship again. We were exclusive, however. For the next four months everything seemed to be going great. We talked about our feeling consistently and he told me he was so happy and loved being with me and wanted it to be that way forever. He also showed it too.

 

A week after we had one of those discussions where he was crying out of love and happiness for me, he broke up with me for the second time.. for the same reasons. I am so confused. He again told me he just needs his space, he needs to have other relationships to make sure that ours is right, After that though, he told me he does not want another relationship and knows that no one will be better than me and no one will make him happier. He even told me he is forcing himself to not think about me or his feelings for me because if he does then he will just get back together with me. I asked if I did anything and he said no, I made him as happy as ever and he loves me more than ever.

 

I honestly think he is confused, and unhappy in his life - therefore since I am the biggest source of happiness he is blaming it on me. I know he needs his space, especially after doing this twice. But him and I both know there is no one else, even if his feeling are underneath all of these negative thoughts. I believe once he sorts out his thoughts and feelings for good he will come back. I know it is not necessarily the best thing to hope, but I cannot help it. And if everything he told me was true about his feelings for me, which he said he never lied about, then he will come back.

 

He also told me he is unhappy in the relationship because of all the thoughts he is having and it is not fair to me if he cannot 100% commit. I love him to death. It has been about a week and we have not spoken (everyone tells me not to speak to him until he contacts first.. I am worried it may be for a while though). I am really levelheaded right now because I love and care so much. Honestly, any advice from someone who maybe has gone through something similar will help. Everyone who knows us tells me he will eventually come back, he just needs his time and space.

 

Again.. sorry for the length!

[WhatYouWantToHear]

Honestly, any advice from someone who maybe has gone through something similar will help. Everyone who knows us tells me he will eventually come back, he just needs his time and space.

 

People who know you are being being either naive or polite. This is over. There is no such thing as a break. The best thing you can do as treat it as completely over and move on.

[creighton0123]

Read the thread about GIGS. He is definitely curious about greener pastures. Or, perhaps in this case, different pastures.

 

You, however, are going through some level of denial. This automatically changes your relationship with him. I'd give him a month. If he doesn't contact you, start the moving on process.

 

Edit:

 

During the next month, have fun. Go out with friends. Do normal things that you might do if you're single. You've been together for quite a long time. Make sure that you take this time, whether a breakup or a break, to reestablish your own identity.