CVS Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 My ex and I met in Jr. High. We were together throughout high school and most of college. Our relationship was always very rocky and she often cheated, broke up with me, and lied to me. I put up with a lot because I believed I loved her and eventually things would get better. For the last two years of our relationship, everything was great until she called to tell me that she wanted to "find herself." I later found out that she had been seeing her manager at work. I took it really hard, but what hurt the most was the fact that it only took a few months for them to get engaged. ( I was going to ask her to marry me that same summer) They recently got married. It's been two years since then, but it honestly feels like yesterday. I've had a lot of difficulty coping. The first thing I did was loose 50 pounds by working out like crazy. I also bought a new car, and enrolled back in college. I thought this would impress her into getting back together with me. I also went on dates with the most attractive girls I could find and brought them to the same places we used to go (hoping to make her jealous). Even though I eventually ran into my ex with another girl, she didn't seem to react. About a year after our breakup, I've developed some serious coping problems. I'm afraid to admit it, but in the last year, I've done nothing but think about her every second of the day. When nobody is around, I talk to her as if she was there. I usually beg for her back and tell her I'm sorry. I have very intense day dreams about very specific (yet uneventful) experiences with her. It's hard to explain, but the flashbacks are very real. I can remember the way the air smelled, what she was wearing, etc. When I have these experiences, I get an intese physical pain. My teeth develop a sharp pain, there's a pain in my inner ear and I get extremely cold. Sometimes I feel as if I'm on the verge of a panic attack (I've had a few). For the most part, I've been able to keep most of this to myself without anybody detecting it, but I seem to talk about her with my friends and girlfiends constantly. Even though my ex and I have only spoken twice in two years, I always find something to say about her. I usually bring something up that makes me angry about her. It feels better when I talk about her, but I don't want to admit that I miss her terribly. I've been asked several times by my friends and potential girlfriends why I talk about her so much. I don't realize that I've been babbling on about her. I've had some very nice relationships since my ex and I broke up, but even after a fantastic night with a new girlfriend, I'll drive home crying and telling my ex how sorry I am for betraying her. I want to get over my coping problem, but it seems hopeless, even though she's married, I'm totally convinced that if I wait, she'll come back. Please help.
aFighter Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 In all honesty I would suggest you go and make an appointment to talk to a counselor about how you are feeling. In my opinion you've put it off for far too long already. This is not healthy for you, seek professional guidance. No, going to a counselor does not mean you're nuts, they're just like anyother expert in their field. They're there to help
ifeellow Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 I know how you feel. I have been divorced for one year. My ex husband was great until I gave birth to our twin girls. He moved us to another state where I stayed at home and never met one soul for a whole year while he had at least three different girlfriends. (That I know of). He totally betrayed me. He never helped iwth the babies, and they were high risk babies because they were born at 28 weeks gestation. He was a complete jerk to me!!! In the year since our divorce he has already met someone ( a young 20 year old beauty queen) and is living with her. He brings her to my house to pick up the girls on his weekends. There is absolutely no respect there. Now to get to my point. I agree with the above post. You need to get into counceling. I am, and it is the best thing I have done to this point. Your friends will ultimately get tired of hearing you pine and wine over her, so you pay someone who has to listen and help to find out why you feel the way you do and how to make it better. The thing that sucks about exes is - if your not the one doing the hurting you are the one who is rejected and that rejection will eat you up. I know, because I am still dealing with it. My advice is to HOLD YOUR HEAD UP. You can make it.
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 I am not the one who was dumped, but I dumped even though I loved him....reasons to extensive to explain. It's been a year and I still miss and love him very much. I go on because I don't have a choice. However, part of me still feels like once we work through these transitional stages in our lives that we may be together again one day. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not, but I believe it and it helps... Get some counseling, and figure out some specific things you can do to cope....change your behavior patterns. And, if it helps, you don't have to give up the belief that you may find each other again one day. In the meantime you may be lucky and realize it's gone and find someone new, or you may be lucky and you really will find each other again. Either way, it will help you make it to tomorrow and the next day...
look forward Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 CVS your post really upset me because you have been literally suffering in silence for far too long my friend. Please go and seek professional help its the only way you can begin to heal and start to get some enjoyment back in your life. I really feel for you its so hard when someone has broken your heart but there will be someone else out there for you who will capture your heart just as much if not more than your ex.. Good luck XX
meanon Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 CVS: I have very intense day dreams about very specific (yet uneventful) experiences with her. It's hard to explain, but the flashbacks are very real. I can remember the way the air smelled, what she was wearing, etc. When I have these experiences, I get an intese physical pain. My teeth develop a sharp pain, there's a pain in my inner ear and I get extremely cold. Sometimes I feel as if I'm on the verge of a panic attack (I've had a few). This sounds very like a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder. It's more usually associated with a sudden traumatic event but it can also happen in cases like yours if the trauma and consequent effect on the person is severe. Other symptoms include an extreme startle reaction and disturbed dreams. PTSD is very treatable. Whatever the cause, this has gone on long enough. Please get some help and post again if you need to. I know it can be hard when you feel this bad but you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to try and overcome your feelings of hopelessness (they are caused by your condition), to take that leap of faith and to ask for help. If you can't do it yourself then tell someone close to you and ask them to help you. Good luck
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