McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Ok, so I think I want to. Dated for six months, all amazing. Right after valentines day, she started acting distant and relationship fell off a cliff. I've posted the facts before, but long story short, she broke up feb 22, and threw me some breadcrumbs for a few weeks, until I pretty much shut it down. She went back to her ex (90% sure), and I am realizing now that I was probably a rebound. Thing is, her ex is a complete douche, cheated on her, mentally and verbally abused her, and she swore that she would never go back to him. Whatever. Anyway, I've kind of let her do her thing, stayed away, and just kind of faded into the distance. I feel like I need to say some things to her, not all pleasant, but I don't know if I should. I mean, it's over anyway, I really have nothing to lose. What do you guys think?
Minneloa Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I would resist this impulse. Take the high road, and keep your dignity. Whatever you express will most likely be taken as sour grapes. As you said, it is over, so your mental and emotional energy would be better spent moving forward.
Thunderchild Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 AND ANOTHER..............person dodges a bullet!! Head for the hills and thank your God for a lucky escape.
Author McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 That's the problem...what did I "escape" from? The relationship was totally awesome. I know she is going through the whole problem of disassociating with her ex thing, and is making a huge mistake going back, because things will ultimately be the same for her. I mean, I'm gonna let her live her life and figure things out on her own. I just have this "pride" thing where I want to let her know that I understand what is happening, and that I was used in a way, and that I'm pretty sure shes gonna come running back in 6 months or so, after she realizes this prick hasn't changed. I understand the dignity thing, but I feel like I need to go off because I don't want her thinking that I'm just some dude who laid down and took it. I compare it to the death penalty...our relationship got the death penalty and I'm the one going to lay down on the gurney. I can go quietly, or I can fight like hell---ultimately, I'm dead, but how do I go out?
ThatJustHappened Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 How does intentionally hurting, berating, and guilting this girl for no good reason make you any better than her ex? It won't make you feel any better in the end. You're just pissed and you want her to be as upset as you are. It's a nasty impulse but you sound like a nice guy. Don't do it. 2
StraylightRun24 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 How does intentionally hurting, berating, and guilting this girl for no good reason make you any better than her ex? It won't make you feel any better in the end. You're just pissed and you want her to be as upset as you are. It's a nasty impulse but you sound like a nice guy. Don't do it. McGriff listen to ThatJustHappened. It's a natural impulse to want to hurt somebody who hurt you, but it won't change anything. Take the high road and save your dignity like everyone is saying. If you're anything like me you'd rip into her and feel good while doing it and a few minutes after instantly regret it. People are always saying if you learn something from a past heartbreak it wasn't a waste and this is something I have definitely learned. When my ex dumped me out of the blue 3 days after Christmas I kept my cool even though there were a lot of nasty things I could have said to her (and if I'm being honest still sort of do), BUT it would have accomplished NOTHING. She decided she was looking for something else and while it breaks my heart I let her go. I don't want anyone feeling like they are settling for me and I definitely don't want to stand in anybody's way of finding what they perceive to be their happiness. She actually told me I was handling it "very maturely" the last time we spoke 3 months ago so I can at least know that if I ever cross her mind she'll think of me like that instead of a raging lunatic lashing out only because I was hurt. Just some food for thought.... 1
Author McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I would never want to berate or hurt her. That's not my style. I do care for her and want the best for her. What I want to do, is to let her know that I KNOW. I know what's going on. I know why she's doing what's she's doing. I know why she's sending me breadcrumbs. I know that I was a re
ThatJustHappened Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Stop accepting the breadcrumbs then. Tell her, NICELY, that you cannot be her friend and that she needs to back off and let you get over her. Then block her number if she keeps contacting her.
StraylightRun24 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I would never want to berate or hurt her. That's not my style. I do care for her and want the best for her. What I want to do, is to let her know that I KNOW. I know what's going on. I know why she's doing what's she's doing. I know why she's sending me breadcrumbs. I know that I was a re Two things... 1) While you might not see it as berating or hurting her she might perceive it as that or worse yet, just think you are bitter about the whole BU. Hell maybe she'll even have a good laugh about it with her new man or girlfriends! 2) What would possibly change if you let her know that you know what's going on or what you "think" is going on? I think we are all prime examples that no matter what our friends/family members and fellow posters tell us about letting go of our exes we are still here pining away. The thing is WE have to come to these so-called truths to finally let go and no matter how many times somebody tells us it eventually falls on ourselves. I feel it would most likely be the same thing with her. She is going to have to figure it out on her own. Nothing you say will make the light bulb go off in her head and have her think, "GEE GOLLY GOSH! McGriff was right....my ex is a total doucher!"
Chi townD Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Happened has it right. When it ended, you were still the good guy in all of this. That's how she's going to remember you and it will be her curse and guilt. She's going to remember you as the good guy that she screwed over. If you send that letter and (even if you say you wouldn't make it berating or mean; because your hurt, subconsiously it may come across that way) she will have a opportunity to rid herself of that guilt. "I can't believe he just wrote that to me! What a jackass! I'm glad to be rid of him!" BOOM! She's got her free pass now. 1
Author McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Stray, I know you are right on the money and I appreciate your insight. I'm glad you responded because your words are changing my course of action. You are right, I need to just let go. What will be, will be. Nothing I can say will change her mind, and the point you made her showing her friends or ex is right on the money, as she used to show me the emails from her ex and laugh about it. Thanks again.
Author McGriff Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Chitown, Exactly! Her last text to me said that she thought I was a great person, and had no negative feelings towards me. I guess I can walk away with that.
StraylightRun24 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Stray, I know you are right on the money and I appreciate your insight. I'm glad you responded because your words are changing my course of action. You are right, I need to just let go. What will be, will be. Nothing I can say will change her mind, and the point you made her showing her friends or ex is right on the money, as she used to show me the emails from her ex and laugh about it. Thanks again. That's what we're here for buddy! I'm also speaking from personal experience from my current ex when I'm telling you about showing her friends/ex. My ex is extremely close with her sister and about a week before we broke up her sister's ex had taken her to a work Christmas party and confessed he still loved her and what not. I got to hear all about it while dropping off my ex and seeing her sister roll her eyes and act all nonchalant about him spilling his guts to her the night before. That's sadly what we as exes become if we go that route. Eye rolls and a matter of fact tone of, "I knew he still wants me!"
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