ConfusedJuliet Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Hey, I posted a few weeks ago, my ex ended it as he wasn't ready to settle (I have a child and a lot of responsibility) but he doesn't want to lose me and wanted us to stay friends. Well, it's been 3 weeks, we tried it, I found it hard and told him I couldn't do it. Then Monday at 7am I had a phone call from him, we hasn't spoken for a couple days so I was surprised and answered it. He had just got out of police custody (not brilliant I know) and I was the first person he wanted to call and talk to. Couldn't understand why me and not a family member, or friend. We spoke about it, then he apologised for interrupting my day and we got off the phone. He then phoned me hours later, drunk, and desperate to see me; I was concerned about him so arranged a babysitter and called him back to say I'd see him. He said that was nice of me but he'd realised its unfair on me to expect me to see him, and asked that I just stay on the phone to him instead, so I did, and in his drunken state he admitted that in every relationship he falls for the girl, and with me he fell hard, loved me and everything about me, then one day it switches off ... Wtf? That's not normal?! I was hurt at this and told him angrily that he should've told me that 3 weeks ago, then got off the phone. I didn't hear from him for the next 2 days, but had his family members asking me if I had heard anything from him as he hasn't been home and they were worried ... I tried to call him on the Wednesday as I hadn't gotten worried too, but no answer. Then Wednesday night I saw on Facebook he was in a new relationship! I was so angry and hurt, I text him saying it didn't take him long and so much for not wanting a girlfriend at all, and that I finally saw I had to forget about him and move the **** on! He rang me Thursday morning and said he's only just sobered up after a 3 day bender :-/ the relationship thing was a joke, he wasn't in one and apologised for making me worried and then just wanted to talk about how low he's feeling. I had things to do so got off the phone shortly after. He then messaged me later asking how I was, and just having a little chat, and eventually called me for a chat, I told him that he was hurting me being like this, and he suggested we didn't speak for a few months as he doesn't want to hurt me, I asked if that's what he wanted and said not at all but would it be the bat thing for me. If not yet decided if that's what we'll do, although yes it probably would be. He admitted that he doesn't want a relationship, but obviously wants connections with girls so at some point he'll be meeting up with people and he knows that'll hurt me. I told him I can't see why it would be with them and not me, and he replied that he couldn't go from being in a serious relationship with me to just hooks up and sex, but he'd love to see me as a friend. I asked if it would bother him if I were to get into a new relationship, and he said it would be selfish of him to be angry and he'd be happy for me... Then asked if I was meeting/talking to anyone. We then spoke a little more then he got off the phone. He then called back again an hour later, just wanting to chat some more?! Until I said I was tired and needed sleep, he ended the call with "Take care" Bit of a long rambling post, I'm sorry, it's just good to offload. Do you think he genuinely means it when he says he'd be happy for me? And why does he have such an attachment to me, and keep wanting to call me?
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Ok here's what i want you to do. I want you to check out this website called Loveshack.org. then read this recent post by username "ConfusedJuliet" out loud to yourself. After that tell me what you think 1
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Verdict: Look, this guy has got to get some things straight before you two get back together. He breaks up with you, gets down in a slump and uses you as an emotional "safety net". Your are more than that! He doesnt want a relationship but wants connections with girls? He cant go from being in a serious relationship with you to just hook ups and sex? He wants a girl for three weeks then its just "off"? This guy has an excuse for everything and he has no clue how to handle a girl or take care of a girl's heart.
Author ConfusedJuliet Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Yeah, I know, I think I'm being used for comfort while he's dealing with his own problems... It's just easy to clutch at any sign that he may want me back..! It makes it easier to look at the situation once it's written down I guess... It's so frustrating as everytime I decide I'm done, he manages to pull me back in ... :-(
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Stand your ground, Juliet. I dont believe he has your best interest at heart. Let us know how that goes
Author ConfusedJuliet Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 We were together for 6 months, sorry the "should've told me 3 weeks ago" meant he should've told me that he'd 'lost his feelings' 3 weeks ago when we split. But, yes I know you're right, and I'm his 'safety net' ... The sad thing is, I like that he still feels that about me... How do I stop myself from wanting to be that?!
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 yes I know you're right, and I'm his 'safety net' ... The sad thing is, I like that he still feels that about me... How do I stop myself from wanting to be that?! Try dating a real man.
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You may like it now. But observe what a mess he appears to be inside and out. From the looks of it, in a relationship you would be much more than his SO. You would be his counselor, mother, AA coach, and bail bondsman. Think about this. You cant take care of a man like this for a long period of time. It will burn you out!
Author ConfusedJuliet Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Any thoughts on the question though ... Think he actually would be happy for me?
Rebecca1134 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm just speaking for myself here but my ex just got a new girlfriend and I'm not in the least bit happy for him. I still love him and want the best for him but I seriously wish and hope that his relationship fails miserably. I hope this girl gets hit by a bus. Just saying, some people are more mature or maybe don't love as deeply, maybe they've experienced this before so the pain has dissipated. Not at in my case. Just perspective from the still in love dumpee.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm sorry to say this, but when a man you are/were in a relationship with says that they would be happy for you if you find somebody who will treat you right, I think it means they and are interested in somebody else and feeling guilty about hurting you. If you are with somebody else they don't have to feel guilty about having hurt you. Have you asked him if there is anybody else in the picture? I'm a little wary of that little "in a relationship" joke while he was binge drinking. Maybe it wasn't a relationship, but maybe he is already seeking out other hookups? And, no it's not normal to fall hard for somebody and then those feelings just abruptly switch off. It sounds to me like somebody who doesn't want the responsibilities of a serious relationship and when he sees that happening, shuts off and starts entertaining the idea of other girls. Immature and so unfair to you Our hearts and feelings aren't rational, and I know the feeling of badly wanting somebody who you know isn't good for you, but if you can do as Kaiten said and read your post aloud... this man is not making you happy and has a LOT of issues! I'm so sorry this man is so immature and treating you this way. You deserve so much better! 1
Rebecca1134 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Also, this guy sounds like a wreck. I'd ditch him. He sounds like a disaster. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Any thoughts on the question though ... Think he actually would be happy for me? Honey, deep down he cares a schytt about you. It's all about how you make HIM feel and what he wants. If the roles were reversed, I doubt he would even have picked up the 'phone to reply.
Author ConfusedJuliet Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks for the replies ... The silly thing is, I know all this already I guess! Oh believe me, I know he's a disaster right now, unfortunately I genuinely care and worry about him, so completely cutting all ties from him seems so hard at the moment... I'm torturing myself, for the sake of making him feel better. Silly girl... I know!
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