xShadyx Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm going to try to be as detailed as possible, so I am sorry about the length. I am also a long time viewer of this forum, but never decided to post until now. Here is the issue. I have been with this girl, we'll call her Janet, for 5 years. We were actually thinking about marriage, had a ring lined up, a down payment on it. Then, an old friend, a girl I use to date, came into the picture... We'll call her Karen. I known her for 8 years, stayed in contact some but not all of the 8 years. We were close when we were younger, but life got in the way and we drifted apart. I talked to her some almost every year, but nothing too serious. Until now. I'll try to give details of each girl. Janet - She is a kid at heart. She has a kids brain, childish in a lot of ways. It doesn't bother me though. What does bother me is she can be a total witch at times. She can be lazy and irresponsible. She has had 3 jobs in the 5 years I known her, one for 3 months, one for a week, and one for 2 months. However, she did give up her family for me. Her family hated me at the time, and she moved out to be with me a year 1/2 into our relationship. Which I feel is a pretty big deal, but her family isn't the best of ones so I think she would have as soon as she got the chance to in the first place. Karen - She is a very well rounded person. She always had a work hard attitude and it shows. She does have a kid though out of a previous relationship who is 2 years old, but I am okay with that. She goes to school and had a steady job for the last year which is pretty much all I can ask for, someone who tries. Here's the kicker. Although I known Karen for 8 years, I never actually met her until this past weekend where we finally got to sit down and talk, and go out. I met her kid, and although it wasn't enough time I really felt a good connection. Call me a dog, I know, it wasn't right. But it was something I had to do. I need to make a decision because I cannot do this. I don't want to throw away my relationship of 5 years, but I can't say I am fully dedicated to Janet any longer. The "witching" has gotten to me, it bothers me, it's almost like emotional abuse. The fact that she doesn't work hard bothers me, and recently I have sat her down and told her all of this and she has been trying, she has been applying to other jobs and been doing more around the house. I feel as if it is too little too late though. Karen has told me she wants me in her life and in her kids life. I know it's like "What..?" because I haven't spent that much physical time with her, but we talk.. a lot. From the time I wake up till I go to bed, including now, which could be clouding my judgement. But I enjoy talking to her. I love it. I know things won't be perfect all the time, but I do know she is hard working and I love that about any woman. basically I am asking if I am crazy to even be considering this. Is this all completely wrong? To think of breaking up a 5 year thing for something I think will work but not sure? I got my friends telling me that sometimes you got to take risks. I'm not a fan of change though. I know Janet would do anything for me, and I appreciate that. I feel as if Karen would as well though. I just need to make the right decision, each one is a chance and a shot in the dark in their own respective ways. But I am just so confused. Everything seemed fine with Janet besides the problems I listed that I hated, but figured I had to live with them. Now I have this other girl, which I am sure has her own problems, but I feel the need to take the chance. Thanks ahead of time, and feel free to bash or troll.
runningfar Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I think you need to be alone, man. Anyone choosing between two options needs to be alone but especially since both have red flags. The old friends bring that she wants you in her and her kids life SO quickly in real time together
MidwestUSA Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Just because you have 5 years invested doesn't mean you have to stick with it. 5 years turns into 10, and next thing you know, 20. It happened to me. Don't settle. I agree maybe you need some time alone first. 1
pyramid Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Don't leave Janet for Karen. Leave Janet because Janet isn't right for you. That should have nothing to do with Karen. Tell Karen you need some time. She isn't going anywhere...
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) I agree with Midwest. My STBXW strikes me as similar to the girl you're with. Not driven, not a hard worker, but moved away from her friends and family for me. I stuck with it even though there were a lot of red flags, and then I became stuck with it. In a way, I had just sort of capitulated to the whole marriage/family thing with her, because....well, who the hell knows. I think we tend to put blinders on in relationships, even when they are flawed or foundationally weak. The problem is, if that blinder happens to fall off....holy crap, that light is bright. And that's what happens. It all falls apart. Do yourself a favor....figure this out NOW. Before you get married, before you have kids, before you have to go through a crappy divorce. If you're questioning things now, remember...things probably will not get better. She's not going to magically grow up. She's not going to just start being nice. Think she can be a witch now? Wait until she delivers a child and is exhausted and post-partum and you're no longer a priority to her. It's not more fun, believe me. That being said, don't just jump in with this other chick either. Edited March 22, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob
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