OKCupid - I have given up on it

[Mr_Flay]

I do just fine with the ladies, thank you.

 

You are the complaining about getting dates and the one who is resorting to online dating. What I am doing is trying to help you out.

 

Thanks, but I really don't need any help in OLD. I get more dates from OLD than most guys on here with empty inboxes. Want to hear my secret? I'm interested in their personality, not just in their vagina. I get a lot of interest just on the account of that. Unfortunately, when it comes to love, OLD-ers are also very picky. If I don't have a girlfriend right now, it's simply because I don't try hard enough. Let's say I'm in my reconvalescent period after a long-term relationship.

 

Without a doubt but it doesn't mean that girls all of a sudden don't want to be asked out, courted, etc.

 

Did it cross your mind that maybe I DON'T want to court her? Not every girl is girlfriend material. Some are just nice to talk to.

 

Let me get this straight, you went through all the trouble and possibly pay money so you can become "friends" with girls on an online dating site? Does that not sound bad / pathetic to you?

 

Have you signed up on gay dating sites to make new male "friends" too?

 

On the contrary, to me it sounds pathetic that you regard friendship as something terrible and disgusting. Don't you have any female friends? Is your need for socialisation only restricted to sex/romance? Aren't you ever interested in someone's personality, while being turned off by their physical appearance? Yes, I like having friends. If we're not mutually attracted, what's wrong with that? Every new person in my life enriches me as a person and expands my social circle. You seem to live by the principle of "be my GF or GTFO!" If that satisfies your needs, fine. But please don't tell others how they should live and what kind of friends they should or shouldn't have.

 

Yesterday I met up with my female friend from an OLD site and we exchanged recipes for vegetable smoothies. I'm not attracted to her and she's not attracted to me. But we like spending non-sexual time together. Weird, huh? And I wouldn't sign up to a gay OLD site simply because there are few guys that I get along with. I always have better conversations with women than men, with the exception of my best male friend.

 

You don't want to date someone who multi-dates and I am suppose to believe you are going to date / be in a relationship with a girl who has a ton of guy friends?

 

My last girlfriend had a close guy friend. Nothing ever happened between them. They simply aren't attracted to each other. That's the problem with your reasoning. You assume that there always is some attraction between the opposite sexes. Well, are you attracted to EVERY girl you meet? And is EVERY girl attracted to you?

 

Let me ask you this, do you think when these female friends get serious with a guy, the guy is going to be all cool with her hanging out / talking with all her guy friends?

 

Maybe, maybe not. If I were one of those guy friends, I'd respect her decision to distance herself from me. I never interfere in other people's relationship and recognise the right of the boyfriend/husband to come first.

 

I'm curious, why is the women I asked out at lunch the other day not concerned about her safety? She know 1000 times less about me than any girl who clicks on your profile.

 

Do you ask the girls online to come over to where you live or to meet somewhere like a Starbucks?

 

We meet in a public place. There are girls who aren't concerned about safety, and there are those that are. The latter are still worth getting to know. Once I messaged a girl for three months before we met. After we did, she said she liked me very much (see, no friendzone here, not even after three months!), but unfortunately I wasn't into her because her pics had misrepresented her. She was nice, though. Just no attraction on my part.

 

Your joking right?

 

"Friendzone" never happens... How many female "friends" do you have again?

 

I have about half a dozen female friends that I'm not attracted to. One of them is from my childhood. Others I met through mutual friends or OLD. What's your point? Who friendzoned whom?

 

The whole Pussification of Men thing that you are buying into. Let me go on a limb and guess that your parents divorced and you were raised by mother. Am I right?

 

You are treading on dangerous ground here. I should have you banned. But I am lenient. If you want to know, my parents had a good, long marriage. My father died three years ago, and that was just after I became independent. He was a well-respected man and over two hundred people came to his funeral. The cheap psychology that you've read in another forum doesn't apply here. Please do not offend me with your attempts to discredit me with it.

 

Do you think John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Steve McQueen, etc. "friended" girls in the hopes that after he does her homework, walks her dog, give her a shoulder to cry on, listen to her complain about the guys she dating that she will end up realizing what a "friend" she and like them?

 

I don't know what kind of a social circle they have, but I'd be surprised if they didn't have any female friends. If indeed not, they are/were all the poorer for that. I like my female friends. I would do their homework, walk their dog, give them my shoulder to cry on and listen to them complain about guys. I don't expect them to like me in a romantic sense because I'm not attracted to them. I relate to them like a human being. I am also competing for the next Gay Friend Award with her. She would likewise enter a Lesbian Friend Competition for me. Also, they provide me with valuable fashion advice.

 

You call it anxiety.... I call it having a set of balls, getting my validation and approval from within, having self-esteem and knowing my self-worth.

 

I'm sorry, but you don't sound genuine. You quote things that are posted on PUA blogs about self-confidence. The real self-worth comes from being able to build connections with other people, romantic or otherwise. Not posing ultimatums to girls. It just shows you can't handle normal human interaction, and everything is just black and white to you (either sex or ignore). I don't think I've ever met anyone who says making friends is unhealthy.

 

She saw my profile / pictures and I saw hers... Let's meet and see if there is any attraction and get to know each other. Only thing we need to is have a brief conversation on when / were to meet (Just like normal people do in the real world!).

 

Yes, I agree. IF you're attracted to her. If she isn't willing, move on.

 

About other things... Look, you misunderstand my motivation on OLD. I don't use it just for dating. I log on to find activity partners, people to relate to, or sometimes I'm in a mood for a one-time chat session if I'm bored and the weather outside is bad. I want to see what the next girl I meet will offer me, what qualities she has. I don't want to date just anybody, only those girls whose appearance and personality I'm attracted to. If I'm not attracted, I don't simply ignore them. What would be the point of that? One day I may meet the girl that will become my wife. Or not. I ask girls on dates in real life as well, and OLD is just a supplement. I don't appreciate your hostile tone towards me, nor your attempts to qualify me as a spineless puppy just because I am social enough to build quality friendships. So spare me the PUA nonsense. If I want a girl, I make a move. If she doesn't like me, I respect that and move on. But if I'm not attracted to a girl, I may want to be friends with her, if she's okay with that. Not everything revolves around sex, you know. You miss out on a lot of things in life if you think that.

 

You also misunderstand my main point. Maybe I haven't stated it clearly: if you're attracted to a girl and she doesn't like you in that way, you're NOT her friend. It's not the friendship I'm talking about in this or previous post. It's just orbiting and wishful thinking. Maybe the two of us are just having a big misunderstanding. It would be better if you got off the high horse and dropped the condescending tone, and maybe I will be more friendly with you (see, again that word!).

[Mr_Flay]

I don't even know how to respond to this.

 

Because you are so narrow-minded. You sound like a Chuck Norris joke. Except Chuck Norris jokes are actually funny.

 

Do you know why that is?

 

Because you think, act and talk like a woman.

 

What can I say... I'm in touch with my inner goddess.

 

You wasted 3 months of your time getting to know / having feelings for someone who prayed upon your weakness, lied too you, took you for a fool and you think this girl is good person and are proud of this?

 

She delayed meeting you so she could try to get you to fall in love with her before you realized the truth. A sane / nice / good / normal person wouldn't think much less try to do this.

 

Had you asked her on a date when you first communicated with her you would have avoided this cluster**** within the first few days.

 

I derived some entertainment from that exchange. Did the world end because I didn't like her? It's not like I wasted three months of my life doing nothing else but e-mailing her. I had other stuff to keep myself busy with, other women I talked to. While in the online phase, I got exactly what I subscribed for – chatting. When I moved it offline, I wasn't thrilled, and that was that. No skin off my nose.

 

I just threw up in my mouth.

 

We also discuss male soap opera actors and compare which one is cuter. Then I make her braids while she takes money out of my wallet. As much as she needs, 'cause she's my friend.

 

Seriously man, take a chill pill. You sound like you have some pent-up anger and insecurities welling up. (See, I can do cheap psychology too! ) Life can be fun too if you learn to relax and just enjoy interactions with people without expecting anything to happen.

 

Care to point out where I ever mentioned sex?

 

Might be I inferred that from between the lines, the same way you spew all that nonsense about me.

 

Create a thread and ask the ladies here on LS on what they think about a guy who has almost all female friends. You don't even have to mention the fact that you don't relate or get along well with men.

 

I bet you almost of them will tell you that a guy who has almost all female friends doesn't make for a partner and I even will let them tell you why.

 

I thought validation was supposed to come from within; since when do you care what other people think of you? I certainly don't. And you've just contradicted yourself. See, that's the thing, that's why you come off as fake. You claim you have self-worth from within, yet you also have a list of what women supposedly like and don't like, and you act according to that list. That sounds like seeking validation from others. Meanwhile I do what I like and get more enjoyment out of life. Also, you haven't even answered half the questions about male-female friendships I had for you, Mr Manly Man.

[jcrew11]

I never understood that one. If they deleted their profile because of someone else (or they were worried about being recognised by someone they knew in real life), why don't they send you a final message with their e-mail address? If they deleted their profile because of you, why do that anyway?

 

A delete account is usually a "Blocked Account" and the person has blocked you from viewing his/her profile because he/she is no longer interested in you and probably thinks you are not physically attractive or becoming clingy.

[Mr_Flay]

A delete account is usually a "Blocked Account" and the person has blocked you from viewing his/her profile because he/she is no longer interested in you and probably thinks you are not physically attractive or becoming clingy.

 

The OLD site that I use, with a surprising frankness, specifically tells you that a user is blocking you if you try to send them a message. So that's not it. Besides, I know when a conversation is good and when it's not, so I'd surely know if I was being clingy, and attractiveness is determined even before the first message because the pic is in my profile.

[Eternal Sunshine]

OKC was good and bad. I met many men. Rarely had problems with them flaking or not wanting to see me again after the first meet up. However, I only truly connected with very few and had a 2-months fling with each....So in sense it failed me on the LTR front - but not in the number of dates I got.

[RedRobin]

If I want a girl, I make a move. If she doesn't like me, I respect that and move on. But if I'm not attracted to a girl, I may want to be friends with her, if she's okay with that. Not everything revolves around sex, you know. You miss out on a lot of things in life if you think that.

 

 

Sounds healthy to me. Wish more men thought like you... the dating world would be a lot saner and more pleasant place...

[pyramid]

OKC was good and bad. I met many men. Rarely had problems with them flaking or not wanting to see me again after the first meet up. However, I only truly connected with very few and had a 2-months fling with each....So in sense it failed me on the LTR front - but not in the number of dates I got.

 

Exactly my experience. I have a 2nd date this weekend with someone I met at speed dating, of all things, so we'll see if that works out any better!

[irc333]

I've tried emailing some women on there that weren't so attractive on some of these sites, surprisingly, they don't respond either.

 

Chances are they get slammed by emails by men on a daily basis, so they get a false sense security.