7 and a half years gone

[180mac]

first time i been to a site like this , but am needing help

 

my ex broke up with me friday 15th march,after 7 and a half years the only reason she gave was her feelings have changed , everything was going fine , i have a almost 4 year old daughter to , i miss them like crazy , now i cant get hold of her wont pick up my calls messages or emails , her family are turning her agenst me for some reason i dont know ,

i tryed ending my own life this week twice but police stopped me , i took pills , and was found waitting on a train , i dont know what to do , am trying my hardest not to think of it , i aint slept or eatting right since this happend , i cant get the thought of her being with someone els , or thought of someone being a step dad to my child that i have seen every day since she was born , am trying to carm myself down , i have even had my car took from me from a friend so i dont drive , i serously need help , and sitting in a police station cell so i dont hurt myself aint the answer , i have no home no money , i have a place to live till monday then am back on the streets , am realy trying to cope with all this but i cant do it am crying all the time , something i dont do , what do i do , as lots have said the same , chin up be strong , easy to say to anyone , never in all my 37 years have i had to ask for help , but am thinking of my daughter and i need to cope for her sake , my family was my life , , i dont drink or take drugs but i do smoke , i did smoke about 10 aday now i chain smoke , would like to have advice as this is ripping me apart , sorry i went on but i have no one to talk to , all i done for a week is cry and i cant stop

[Thereshope]

First of all I want to say that I felt devastated and heartbroken and also angry when I read your post. Your ex has by no means the right to stop you from seeing your child. I don't know which country you live in and the laws in my country may be different but I DO BELIEVE that you can get help. From a human rights perspective I know you have a right to see her. I can't tell you from where you should go for help because I don't know where you are but you must realize that this isn't right SO HANG IN THERE, dont take your life because you have so much left to see. Try to see a doctor and social services for example. You are only 37 so you are still young and you need to be there to experience life thru your daughters eyes too! I understand that you are upset because you lost your partner as well but now you need to focus on yourself, find someone who is stronger than you that can help you and make you sure that you can see your daughter again. Things will feel easier. I have not been through what you have been through but my last break up was so awful I stopped sleeping, eating and nearly lost my job. In the end I went to the emergency room, talked to a doctor, got sleeping pills, calmed down a bit and went back to work where I had friends (I never realized) and I slowly went back to some sort of life. I still now (almost 2 years) later miss him sometimes but I know that my life is better without love that doesnt work. I know that my story is different, but I can see in your msg that you are stronger than you think and you have to believe it. We never know whats around the next corner, what we will lose next time or what will break but we must never give up on ourselves and be afraid because even though we feel alone we will meet more love in our lives, if we just believe it and keep living and giving. Please be strong! love from me

[180mac]

thank you for the reply , i am trying by best , i seen doctors and other people and its not working for me , am at a dead end how can i talk to her about anything if she wont talk back , i cant live with this pain at all i been with 3 girls in my life and am 37 , last one was 12 half years and she cheeted on me , i was more angry and got over it , this one i have my child , i did nothing wrong , why am i the one thats feeling this, its riped me apart , ,i feel am going to do something stupid that could land me in prison or dead , but this is a feeling not what am going to do , i feel someone has took my family away from me , and i want to disroy them for it , i want them to feel what am feeling , all i do is think stupid stuff and dont know how long am only going to think before i do it , am a mess and cant cope at all , i would rather her of died then be with some body els

[Bito]

I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. I can read the pain inbetween your words.

 

This will hurt for a long time. There is no way around it.

 

Try and remember the pain you felt when you're previous girl cheated on you. You probably felt like you would never get over it. But you did. try and focus on you. Improve yourself. become the best man you can be for your child's sake. Dont worry about being with someone else. You are not ready.

 

Life is worth liveing. Please think of your daughter. Do not end your life.

[180mac]

am trying my best , a hug would realy go down well right now and also someone to talk to , but all am talking to is a keybored or a phone , am not wanting any other girls , it dont do it for me hence why i only been with 3 in my whole life not meny people can say that , am trying my hardest to keep it together as this aint fair on my little girl and i know this , i just want this pain to go so i can eat sleep and get on , its the thought of her being with somone els its got me , and the reason why we split , i hope its just in my head , i know ill be getting people to take me there to see whos car is there or whos comming out her house ect , i need to know , if i could get that one thought out of my head i would be able to get thro this , as it happend to me before i never did recover from it properly , so this is just adding to it , and i know i will snap so much and i dont want that to happen for my childs sake

[IfiKnewThen]

damn i wish this women would give you some answers. sometimes wondering is worst than not knowing anything. it gives you nothing to wrap your head around with. knowing could be bad too because it makes it feel so confirmed and final.

 

the first 1) thing you have to know and believe is that people have gone before you . loved lost and survived and even thrived and loved again. some even more strongly than their lost love. you have to trust that and tell yourself and your brain that everyday to retrain the brain, which prepares you for getting through this.

 

2) pray. yes pray. ask God to help you get through this. you need a cool level head now. doing something stupid cant be taken back. you have to play this life out. there have been people on here who got their spouses back..learning new relationship skills that made them better people. there have been some who dont get the person back BUT today can attest that they are better off. because if they DID cheat or dont love them...it would never be a real satisfying relationship. so ask God for peace and mercy and strength. maybe see a clergy member.

 

3) get a place to live. you can NOT be homeless. the friend who took your car from you...does he have a place to stay? work something out with someone.

 

4) dont go around talking like you do out loud to people who dont know you. you could be venting now but you dont want people to be thinking u will do them harm. that WONT get ur wife and child back. you will be seen as a threat and it could be held against you. if you do have those feelings and feel you will act on them, please get help with a "trusted" professional. you can interview someone who "clicks" with you. you dont want someone with knew jerk reactions that will misunderstand and put you away if you dont need that kind of treatment. but you may need some treatment. you must value all life no matter how much pain u are in. you have to value every life here.

 

4) you are in shock and grieving to the core. you will feel a cycle of pain, anger, denial, etc. please dont get stuck in one emotion. read up on surviving this type of pain. you did good to take the first step of coming here.

 

5) maybe theres someone who can give you answers as to why she did this. maybe write her a letter. talk to one of her friends...but better to find out from her. dont believe gossip. leave nice messages asking her for truth and to be foreright and to help u get closure for healing purposes. but for Gods sakes dont threaten her or anyone. theres an old saying from vince lombardi the football couch . its not over till its over. your life is NOT over. you have no clue how good this outcome can get. things like this take time. be patient. dont panic. life can turn out better than you think. fact is stranger than fiction. 2 years from now you can be writing that your in love with someones else and your ex want you back and you dont want her back anymore. also please read this post.....it may help u realize...it can be better. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/244265-1-year-ago-today please follow all the posts from MCGRUFF's you can skip the rest please read his 10 steps. he wanted to die too.

 

 

6) get a lawyer. if cant afford one have one appointed for u by your state. you do have rights with your child ur child will always love you. get a home so u can have joint custody. i know you need the strength to do this but you must muster it up. one day at a time. dont think years into the future. just take baby steps and move forward to make a place for ur child.

Edited March 22, 2013 by IfiKnewThen

[aeren944]

Hey 180mac,

 

Almost 3 years ago, the same thing happened to me, after a 7 year relationship. I had more information than you did, and I think it's ****ty that you've been placed in this position. I have 2 kids with my ex, and it tore me apart when the whole thing ended. I felt just like you... could not comprehend her being with someone else, or living my life without her. I did survive, though, and you will, too. Nothing I can say can take away the pain, but let me tell you, I know that pain WELL. It took me quite a long time to get over things, and to work through things, but I did it for my kids. I, too, was suicidal. Tried to kill myself but had intervention from family. You're very right that you CANNOT give up, for your daughter. It's horrible right now, and I'm not at all minimizing that, but as a survivor of that pain, I can promise it will get better. It's going to take some time, though, and you won't be able to force it.

 

Take care of yourself. Make sure you do the normal stuff... eat, sleep, breathe. Sounds like simple stuff, but you MUST concentrate on that right now. Eat right, take breaths, endure. You were wronged, and we are here to help, so feel free to vent here.