MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Just so you know, I seriously need to vent. Like many of you I'm single and dating hoping to find the right someone for a long term relationship. I have no problem being clear about this. In fact I mention it right when a guy expresses interest in me so there is no confusion. I always ask from the beginning if a guy is also single and dating with the same goals in mind. I just don't want to waste my time on a guy who is just looking to date casually, is seeing someone, or doesn't want a relationship. I don't think honesty is to much to ask for. Now a few months ago I met an interesting guy and he mentioned that he was interested in me. He said he was single and had been for about a year and was looking to settle down. We've continued to get to know each other and things were looking good. He constantly reiterated his interest in me, said he liked everything he was learning about me, and that we should see how it all goes. I too was enjoying getting to know him and figured soon it would be time to talk about just seeing each other. Ok sounds like we're on the same page right? That's what I thought until today I found out that his long distance girlfriend is moving back here and will be moving into his new house with him. What the @&!* seriously?! If he was in a relationship why not just stick with that instead of wasting my time? He had no business what so ever expressing any interest in me or going out with me! Even if things weren't going well with his girlfriend, how unfair to lie to me about being single and then what was his plan? To keep me on the backburner in case she moved here and things didn't work out? Right cause that's what every girl wants.... to be some taken guys back up plan. Whether things were going well with her or not it takes advance planning to move from out of state and in with someone else, so there is just no way this wasn't in the works the whole time he was talking to me. Just yesterday we were talking about getting together soon and he said nothing about any of this. All this time he has said nothing about any of this and I bet he had no intention of ever saying anything. Thank heavens for a big mouthed mutual acquaintance (she didn't know we were dating) filling me in without a clue as to what she was doing. And thank heavens I wasn't sleeping with him, then I'd be more pissed off. This is exactly the kind of crap that turns honest single people jaded and bitter. A huge part of me just wants to throw in the towel altogether, but then I don't want to be alone in the long run. When I think about how many times I've found out some dishonest guy wasted my time it just makes me want to keep a private investigator on retainer. 3
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Feel better? Hahaha! Perhaps later I will.
JMCOSU838 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Hahaha! Perhaps later I will. I hope so. Here, perhaps this will help:
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Here, perhaps this will help: Yes, bunnies always make you feel better. Especially when their ears are all flippity-floppity.
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 The dating cycle. Bad man lies to woman. Women gets angry and takes out the anger on the next man she dates. What I find amusing is the women who dated every loser and "bad" boy known to man who get upset at me when pass / break up with them when I see / experience the "results" of it. They honestly think / expect me to pay for their bad choices (whatever "damages" and "baggage" that was done / collected) and for crimes I didn't commit (All the crap loser after loser and "bad" boy put them through). Yikes. Yes I realize both men and women do this when hurt, but it's not really my style. I prefer to be irritated solo and/or retreat into various relaxation/personal growth activities. The private investigator comment was largely just an expression of irritation. Yes, bunnies always make you feel better. Especially when their ears are all flippity-floppity. I concur, bunnies are quite smile inducing.
El Brujo Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 What I don't get are the women who fall for sly-guys who are such obvious liars and like to talk about how great they are (though I have to concede, they DO know how to deliver fiery sex), then these guys get their sex and disappear, and the women feel stupid afterward.
pbjbear Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Both genders do crap like this. Its lame. But in our generation, people are expendable
SJC2008 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 In fact I mention it right when a guy expresses interest in me so there is no confusion. I always ask from the beginning if a guy is also single and dating with the same goals in mind. I just don't want to waste my time on a guy who is just looking to date casually, is seeing someone, or doesn't want a relationship. I don't think honesty is to much to ask for. That's what I thought until today I found out that his long distance girlfriend is moving back here and will be moving into his new house with him. What the @&!* seriously?! If he was in a relationship why not just stick with that instead of wasting my time? This is exactly the kind of crap that turns honest single people jaded and bitter. A huge part of me just wants to throw in the towel altogether, but then I don't want to be alone in the long run. When I think about how many times I've found out some dishonest guy wasted my time it just makes me want to keep a private investigator on retainer. Let me tell you something, people are weak, self centered users. The majority of people are weak and can't be alone. Their relationship ends and it's on to the next one. A guy I know is dating/sleeping with a woman who hasn't even officially broken up with her bf who's moving soon. She's got the dick lined up already. Same goes for men as in your case. Guy's on the fritz with his girl he courst you feeds you all sorts of bull then "Oh well I'm getting back with my ex". People lie becuae they'll go without if they don't. I don't sell hopes and dreams all I do is promise to be honest but it seems like selling hopes and dreams is the way to go. I'm so tired or reading stories like this and I recently went through something like this though it was partially my fault. The last woman I dated invited me over for Christmas. That's when it hit me, I seen the pain in her face when she asked. Looking back I should of told her you need to spend Christmas by your damb self and feel the pain as mean as that sounds becuase if you hide from it it's going to linger. Anyway we parted ways before that so I didn't get to be her emotional Christmas tampon whoopee!
pbjbear Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 What I don't get are the women who fall for sly-guys who are such obvious liars and like to talk about how great they are (though I have to concede, they DO know how to deliver fiery sex), then these guys get their sex and disappear, and the women feel stupid afterward. Every guy that I slept with that bragged about his sex skills was not good at it. Every single one....not lying. That is usually code for "I am selfish in bed" I have found. They are excellent are getting themselves off however. But yeah, most younger girls or dumb girls who arent guys who act that way. I avoid them like the plague and get very irritated when people try to set me up/encourage me to date guys like that
ascendotum Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) What I find amusing is the women who dated every loser and "bad" boy known to man who get upset at me when pass / break up with them when I see / experience the "results" of it. They honestly think / expect me to pay for their bad choices (whatever "damages" and "baggage" that was done / collected) and for crimes I didn't commit (All the crap loser after loser and "bad" boy put them through). Sometimes its pretty obvious the guy is not in it seriously or has a poor track record or just has a 'bad boy' attitude (but he's sexy). Sometimes its not so obvious. In this case it could be easy not to see any red flags. She was basically this guy's 2nd iron in the fire. He got to hang out with and have sex while he was lonely and was unsure whether his LDR girl would come through and move city to be with him. If his LDR girl had changed her mind, he could still be in a relationship with the OP. A ****ty thing to do, but its a little different from a 'too good to be true dirty talking' guy she met online who still stays active online, setting up the next one. What's with the lack of honesty? What are the negative consequences vs the positive outcome (sex + company). Its easy today to leave a pissed off STR ex in your wake and move on with your life to the next adventure. You don't end up on tv or on public shaming website or your family & neighbors & bosses get to know about what a shyte you have been. Edited March 22, 2013 by ascendotum
mortensorchid Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of terrible people out there and it's a good thing in the end. THis happened to me once, at least something similar. A few years ago I went out with someone I had known for a bit. We met for dinner, said our good-byes, and then he said to give him a call in a few days. A few days later I sent a text, I got a response saying "Who is this?". I identified myself, the person on the other end of the text said "I don't know you do I?". Long story short, I said I was looking for (name), the person on the other end said that they were his cousin's gf and he was using her phone for a while. Without a prompt from me, whoever it was on the other end of the text said "He went back to his kids' mother the other week". He didn't have one kid, he had FOUR kids. I said "Thank you for telling me, sorry to bother you." Lies, lies and more lies. Who knows what the truth really is/was? Needless to say I never heard from him again after that. I'm sorry you were lied to. But you could have gone on longer without finding out the truth, then you would really feel foolish.
SJC2008 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Sometimes its pretty obvious the guy is not in it seriously or has a poor track record or just has a 'bad boy' attitude (but he's sexy). Sometimes its not so obvious. In this case it could be easy not to see any red flags. She was basically this guy's 2nd iron in the fire. He got to hang out with and have sex while he was lonely and was unsure whether his LDR girl would come through and move city to be with him. If his LDR girl had changed her mind, he could still be in a relationship with the OP. A ****ty thing to do, but its a little different from a 'too good to be true dirty talking' guy she met online who still stays active online, setting up the next one. What's with the lack of honesty? What are the negative consequences vs the positive outcome (sex + company). Its easy today to leave a pissed off STR ex in your wake and move on with your life to the next adventure. You don't end up on tv or on public shaming website or your family & neighbors & bosses get to know about what a shyte you have been. I don't know if I'm understanding what you're getting at? Are you standing up for the man in the OP? Are you trying to water down what he did? He clearly lied to her.
ascendotum Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) I don't know if I'm understanding what you're getting at? Are you standing up for the man in the OP? Are you trying to water down what he did? He clearly lied to her. No I'm not standing up for the guy. He did a prick thing, and I'm surprised he was open about it and did not just come up with an excuse to break up with her and not let her know he had another girl. My first part was responding to another post, that its not always easy to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing. The last part was basically saying in today's society there is less accountability and more of a 'I'm in it for me' attitude or 'I've been treated like crap so I don't feel so bad doing the same' attitude out there. People are less honest because they can get away with it. Its easier to do with OLD these days because the person is not from your social circle, so there is less fallout when the relationship sours for one party. Edited March 22, 2013 by ascendotum 1
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Sometimes its pretty obvious the guy is not in it seriously or has a poor track record or just has a 'bad boy' attitude (but he's sexy). Sometimes its not so obvious. In this case it could be easy not to see any red flags. She was basically this guy's 2nd iron in the fire. He got to hang out with and have sex while he was lonely and was unsure whether his LDR girl would come through and move city to be with him. If his LDR girl had changed her mind, he could still be in a relationship with the OP. A ****ty thing to do, but its a little different from a 'too good to be true dirty talking' guy she met online who still stays active online, setting up the next one. Just to clarify, there was NO sex for him. Had we made it to the exclusive relationship stage then there would have been sex. But there is absolutely no sex while in the dating stage. It may be old school, but I learned the lesson of sex too early when I was younger way too many times. So basically I found out he was a lying jerk before he could lie his way into exclusivity and get some. Also you're right there were no obvious red flags. I'm certainly not the same clueless 20something I once was, but that certainly doesn't mean I can't be fooled like I was here. No I'm not standing up for the guy. He did a prick thing, and I'm surprised he was open about it and did not just come up with an excuse to break up with her and not let her know he had another girl. My first part was responding to another post, that its not always easy to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing. Just a correction here, he wasn't open about anything. I found out via a mutual acquaintance and I haven't even told him I know. I've just been stewing.
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, there are a lot of terrible people out there and it's a good thing in the end. THis happened to me once, at least something similar. A few years ago I went out with someone I had known for a bit. We met for dinner, said our good-byes, and then he said to give him a call in a few days. A few days later I sent a text, I got a response saying "Who is this?". I identified myself, the person on the other end of the text said "I don't know you do I?". Long story short, I said I was looking for (name), the person on the other end said that they were his cousin's gf and he was using her phone for a while. Without a prompt from me, whoever it was on the other end of the text said "He went back to his kids' mother the other week". He didn't have one kid, he had FOUR kids. I said "Thank you for telling me, sorry to bother you." Lies, lies and more lies. Who knows what the truth really is/was? Needless to say I never heard from him again after that. I'm sorry you were lied to. But you could have gone on longer without finding out the truth, then you would really feel foolish. Thanks, it does feel a little better knowing it isn't just me this happens to. Thankfully it doesn't happen all the time, but I still don't deserve it. If I were a crappy person I'd say it was karma, but I'm not so I just don't get it. But wow 4 kids? Sounds like that relationship was used to the back and forth and that guy would have given you nothing but grief. Good riddance.
todreaminblue Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Just so you know, I seriously need to vent. Like many of you I'm single and dating hoping to find the right someone for a long term relationship. I have no problem being clear about this. In fact I mention it right when a guy expresses interest in me so there is no confusion. I always ask from the beginning if a guy is also single and dating with the same goals in mind. I just don't want to waste my time on a guy who is just looking to date casually, is seeing someone, or doesn't want a relationship. I don't think honesty is to much to ask for. Now a few months ago I met an interesting guy and he mentioned that he was interested in me. He said he was single and had been for about a year and was looking to settle down. We've continued to get to know each other and things were looking good. He constantly reiterated his interest in me, said he liked everything he was learning about me, and that we should see how it all goes. I too was enjoying getting to know him and figured soon it would be time to talk about just seeing each other. Ok sounds like we're on the same page right? That's what I thought until today I found out that his long distance girlfriend is moving back here and will be moving into his new house with him. What the @&!* seriously?! If he was in a relationship why not just stick with that instead of wasting my time? He had no business what so ever expressing any interest in me or going out with me! Even if things weren't going well with his girlfriend, how unfair to lie to me about being single and then what was his plan? To keep me on the backburner in case she moved here and things didn't work out? Right cause that's what every girl wants.... to be some taken guys back up plan. Whether things were going well with her or not it takes advance planning to move from out of state and in with someone else, so there is just no way this wasn't in the works the whole time he was talking to me. Just yesterday we were talking about getting together soon and he said nothing about any of this. All this time he has said nothing about any of this and I bet he had no intention of ever saying anything. Thank heavens for a big mouthed mutual acquaintance (she didn't know we were dating) filling me in without a clue as to what she was doing. And thank heavens I wasn't sleeping with him, then I'd be more pissed off. This is exactly the kind of crap that turns honest single people jaded and bitter. A huge part of me just wants to throw in the towel altogether, but then I don't want to be alone in the long run. When I think about how many times I've found out some dishonest guy wasted my time it just makes me want to keep a private investigator on retainer. It is a risk for both men and women to find out that someone has been deceitful from the beginning and it is disheartening when you think ...yes...finally...someone who says it like it is......turns a lot of people off when they come to meet someone like this.....but in the long run, you weigh up the worth of being alone or finding someone...and honest people are out there......so.....you heal and you try again...or like me you give up..i cant face anymore heartbreak....so with whatever you decide to do ....try or not...i wish you happiness.......good luck ms smurf ....deb
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Well now I feel better =) That lying sack of crap had the nerve to text me acting like everything was cool, so I called him on his bs. He actually tried to tell me that they just got back together and he meant to tell me, but hadn't gotten around to it. Yeah right. I let him have it. Now I definitely feel better.
SJC2008 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Well now I feel better =) That lying sack of crap had the nerve to text me acting like everything was cool, so I called him on his bs. He actually tried to tell me that they just got back together and he meant to tell me, but hadn't gotten around to it. Yeah right. I let him have it. Now I definitely feel better. You're a real woman in every sense of the word and I'm not trying to be funny. I'm glad you told him off. Keep your head up, you'll meet a good man sooner or later. 1
ascendotum Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Actually I would like to have read a conclusion like this....you going around to his place and knocking on the door near dinner time and carrying a bottle of wine, and pushing your way past him when he answers the door, so the GF gets to see you. You: I came around to surprise you and was hoping we could have a romantic dinner at your place tonight. Then you could ask who the hell is this? GF: with a WTF look. Who the hell is this?? 1
MidwestUSA Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Thank goodness you hadn't slept with him. While I'm not fond of big mouths, I'd like to send your acquaintance some flowers. Seriously, if you hadn't found out, was he going to continue stringing you along while she lived with him? I suggest you take some time to amuse yourself by imagining some of the scenes that could have played out, yikes! So sorry this had to happen to you.
MidwestUSA Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I would suggest you to fee in his long distance girlfriend about your almost relationship with her boyfriend...hopefully that would teach him something... I would normally not agree with this. In fact, am still not sure I do. What if the GF opts to believe HIM? I'd rather take the high road. OTOH, that big mouthed acquaintance could come in really handy again. A shame there was no time to stash some choice leather n lace items in all of his dresser drawers. She could send a "Welcome to our love triangle" card when the GF gets to town.
Author MsSmurf Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Hahaha I could understand the appeal of busting him in front of his gf, it's just not really my style. I look at it this way I got out just in time because I do think he was planning to just string me along in case things didn't work out with her. But now he's her problem. If he was willing to pull that crap now chances are he's pulled worse crap before or will do so soon. On some level she must know and if she doesn't, then given her history with him she'll get way more satisfaction out of torturing him than I will. As for amusing myself with how this could have played out? I've decided I'm going to do that creatively. Before this guy there was another jerk that gave me the idea to start writing short stories sort of playing what if. Then school resumed and I didn't get around to it. Well I've decided that is no excuse and this new jerk has certainly given me more material. So I've been jotting down memories of all the jerks and outlining story ideas. Not sure what it'll be like in the end, but at least it will be therapeutic.
FitChick Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) And some people say long distance relationships don't work. Ha! Edited March 22, 2013 by FitChick
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