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I love you, care for you but I don't want a relationship but I can't let you go

stupid_ex

By stupid_ex
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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stupid_ex Member

stupid_ex

Posted
Posted

My ex and I broke up 2.5 months ago. We have been in constant contact since the break up. First 3 weeks, my ex who dumped me didn't want to talk to me. I let him go. He came chasing me a few days later. We had a month of push and pulling.

 

As of now, we are in regular contact and have met up a few times. He has told me that he loves me very much, he cares for me, I will always be a priority, he is still attracted to me but the romantic love is damaged. Basically he loves me very much but not in love with me (he was put off by things in our last relationship but if he was to get in to a relationship, I would be the first person he would consider). I challenged him said "Are you keeping me around until something better comes along". He said no , I am not like that and I believe him. When we text each other, we responds straight away so he is genuine. I believe everything he is saying.

 

Since the break up, he hasn't slept with anyone else and doesn't want to. He is on phone apps talking to others but he says its just for conversation and friendship but he is thinking of giving them up.

 

Last Monday he came over, made me a nice lunch and we watched a couple of movies. After, he jumps on me and we start making out. Things got really heated up but when I jumped on him, he kept saying sorry, he shouldn't have done that. I said it was ok. 5 minutes later, he jumps on me as say lets finish what we started. I said no. Afterwards, he kept on hugging me.

 

I sent him a text message last night saying this isn't working out for me. Either accept my love or we don't speak to each other ever again. He called me saying he will give me a call in a few days to see what he can offer me....I have offered the friendship hand but only if he isn't meeting and dating others(I know this sounds selfish). My goal is to get back together with him but he said, he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but could change later. He is so attached to me, he doesn't want to let me go.

 

I spoke with his best friend and she said he isn't over me, he will not find anyone to replace you and that he has me where he wants me. He knows that he can come to me when he needs me. His friend said, I need to act like I don't care. What I am doing now is not working. When he calls, be abrupt and cut the call short. She said after a few days it will get to him, after 2 weeks he will go crazy thinking I've moved on and sleeping with others. I am not one for playing games but looks like I will have to. I need your advice.

 

I am asking you guys, what should I do? Should I listen to what he has to offer me and accept it and hope that our relationship will mend itself (we do have a very strong connection). Or do I act cold like I don't care and have him chasing me?

 

Any advice would be very helpful.

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

Posted
Posted

This has been going on for a while....he has you going in circles and the posts are always the same. No new information here.

Same ****, different month.

Ignore him and do it because you need to leave this man alone.

GO NC and mean it.

Drummerboy420 Member

Drummerboy420

Posted
Posted

My ex gf was doing this EXACT same thing until I put an end to it this past Sunday. She broke up with me back in November and I tried a few times to go NC, only for her to break it and me give in. Not anymore. The longest she has been able to go without contacting me throughout this whole thing has been a week and a half. I told her friendship is not an option. Maybe 5 years down the road. But even then, when they (our ex's) find someone else, we're old news. They won't come around to hang out. Who are they kidding?

Drummerboy420 Member

Drummerboy420

Posted
Posted

And would their new significant others *really* want them hanging out with us? Hell no.

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted

The bit about only being friends if he's not dating other people..that will not work. I promise you that. First of all, you'll be constantly on the look out for signs that he's seeing someone else and it'll drive you insane. Second, it's going to shatter you when he does start dating other people..I speak from experience. Third, it will keep you from moving on and dating other people..again, I speak from experience.

 

You can't be friends with him..and honestly, getting back together right now is a bad idea. I'm not saying you never should, but if you do it right now, what's changed? The same issue that broke you up the first time will break you up again. He hasn't had a chance to work on his issues.

 

You need to go NC.

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stupid_ex Member

stupid_ex

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Thank you all for your responses. I sent him a text message this morning saying:

 

I will keep this short. You broke up with me, you don't want to be with me and I accept that. It took a lot of courage for you to do that and I thank you for setting me free. take care of yourself.

 

I have had no response. I haven't been on his FB friends list for a couple of months. Today I noticed he has made some post public. I think they are for me to read. Very strange.

 

I have started no contact again. I deleted his number, whatsapp etc....blocked his phone number so he cannot call me. The most he has gone without contacting me was 7 days. Whenever I have done no contact in past relationships, always ended up with me moving on and no going back. If i mean as much to him as he says I do, then he will come to me. I ain't going to fall for his bate anymore. It will be tough but I have to do it.

 

I really hate this bull-shiiit!

Thunderchild Established Member

Thunderchild

Posted
Posted
Thank you all for your responses. I sent him a text message this morning saying:

 

I will keep this short. You broke up with me, you don't want to be with me and I accept that. It took a lot of courage for you to do that and I thank you for setting me free. take care of yourself.

 

I have had no response. I haven't been on his FB friends list for a couple of months. Today I noticed he has made some post public. I think they are for me to read. Very strange.

 

I have started no contact again. I deleted his number, whatsapp etc....blocked his phone number so he cannot call me. The most he has gone without contacting me was 7 days. Whenever I have done no contact in past relationships, always ended up with me moving on and no going back. If i mean as much to him as he says I do, then he will come to me. I ain't going to fall for his bate anymore. It will be tough but I have to do it.

 

I really hate this bull-shiiit!

 

YAYYYYYY! Good for you - proud of you!

Drummerboy420 Member

Drummerboy420

Posted
Posted (edited)
Thank you all for your responses. I sent him a text message this morning saying:

 

I will keep this short. You broke up with me, you don't want to be with me and I accept that. It took a lot of courage for you to do that and I thank you for setting me free. take care of yourself.

 

I have had no response. I haven't been on his FB friends list for a couple of months. Today I noticed he has made some post public. I think they are for me to read. Very strange.

 

I have started no contact again. I deleted his number, whatsapp etc....blocked his phone number so he cannot call me. The most he has gone without contacting me was 7 days. Whenever I have done no contact in past relationships, always ended up with me moving on and no going back. If i mean as much to him as he says I do, then he will come to me. I ain't going to fall for his bate anymore. It will be tough but I have to do it.

 

I really hate this bull-shiiit!

 

Good for you! It won't be easy, believe me. My ex kept telling me she can't imagine her life without me in it ever again. The longest we have gone NC throughout the 4 month split has been a week and a half. She kept breaking it. Just stay strong and hold onto your convictions. Live as though he's not coming back. I am not holding out hope. It will only serve to drive you insane.

Edited by Drummerboy420
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stupid_ex Member

stupid_ex

Posted
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Thank you. I know its going to be hard but I can only try. This person has too much power over me and I blame myself for that. I allow him to. Well, no more. I'm free.

 

Thank you again for your posts.

ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted

YAY! Good for you! :)

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

Posted
Posted

good for you. you deserve to get what you want and need from a relationahip. this man is not able to give it to you. he could be a nice guy and caring but he isnt able to give you what you want! ( the reason? i have no idea..could be he wants to be independent)

regardless you did the right thing getting rid of him.

 

the only thing left now is to get rid of him from your mind. and that is where im at, hard to do but eventually it will happen.

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stupid_ex Member

stupid_ex

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its so hard. he isn't going anywhere. his best friend said he will eventually contact me. his best friend doesn't see him moving on any time soon.

 

I do not know why I am so in to this person.

 

I met someone else in London 2.5 years ago and we connected back then. We remained in touch all this time and he was moving here to Australia last year but cancelled. A week after my ex broke up with me, my London "FRIEND" told me that he was moving to Australia. He will arrive April 20. The funny thing is he is moving a few streets away from me. I mean, what is the chance of that? He didn't know where I was living in Australia. If he did come to Australia last year, I would have been dating my ex.

 

Right now, I am not looking for another relationship and I will take things slow with this new guy. He is much more suitable for me. This new guys doesn't have a history of sleeping around.

 

As hard as it is letting go of my ex, I am trying so hard to move on. He just wont leave my mind.

 

I WISH I STAYED SINGLE

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