Divasu Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 But he's such a good cuddler. The best ever. He's so good that he can cuddle multiple women on the same date without the other women knowing it. Oye. Her only saving grace here is she is aware of all of this going into it. But I fear it wont be enough.
ThaWholigan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 hey, first how can this ruin me for life unless I let something ruin me for life? And how does anyone except me know how low my wall is? It's not low. At this point I can't see myself beginning a relationship with him. I said I will keep SEEING him.. He wants a relationship? Maybe I'll consider it in a year, if he's willing to go that long being a decent guy...not likely if deep down he isn't. If he's not my boyfriend, he can't cheat on me. Maybe what I'm getting at is: going about accepting that he isn't a good long term choice right now, but seeing him anyway and just enjoying the time anyway.. and if I find that he's messing with others, just nevermind it. I think maybe I'm just sick of relationship drama and just want to have a good time and some companionship. That's fair, but a lot of girls will say similar stuff and then a few months down the line you're head over heels and he may start testing shoving boundaries routinely. So its good you're aware now, just make sure you stay aware and keep an even keel. Treat it as the companionship you described it as. Then the balls in his court to prove to you he can be faithful.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Does it always have to be so dramatic? This isn't a desperate attempt to a avoid being alone. I haven't dated in a long while, but I don't absolutely need anyone right now. its just a bonus.. but damn, good point about the herpes. No one wants that
2sunny Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 hey, first how can this ruin me for life unless I let something ruin me for life? And how does anyone except me know how low my wall is? It's not low. At this point I can't see myself beginning a relationship with him. I said I will keep SEEING him.. He wants a relationship? Maybe I'll consider it in a year, if he's willing to go that long being a decent guy...not likely if deep down he isn't. If he's not my boyfriend, he can't cheat on me. Maybe what I'm getting at is: going about accepting that he isn't a good long term choice right now, but seeing him anyway and just enjoying the time anyway.. and if I find that he's messing with others, just nevermind it. I think maybe I'm just sick of relationship drama and just want to have a good time and some companionship. Then don't have sex with him - for that first year - let him prove that he has it in him to not cheat... You have sex = you will have expectations from him... More likely than not.
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 This is very very worrisome. I think it's admirable of you to want to give people the benefit of the doubt and yes, people can and do change. But you are walking a very dangerous line that could potentially, ruin you for life. Meh, she just likes the attention and chemistry. Ive learned not to fall victim to that any longer. Logical thinking has to trump emotions OP.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Then don't have sex with him - for that first year - let him prove that he has it in him to not cheat... You have sex = you will have expectations from him... More likely than not. yea but would even faithful guys stock around that long? maybe in a Disney movie... 1
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 hey, first how can this ruin me for life unless I let something ruin me for life? And how does anyone except me know how low my wall is? It's not low. At this point I can't see myself beginning a relationship with him. I said I will keep SEEING him.. He wants a relationship? Maybe I'll consider it in a year, if he's willing to go that long being a decent guy...not likely if deep down he isn't. If he's not my boyfriend, he can't cheat on me. Maybe what I'm getting at is: going about accepting that he isn't a good long term choice right now, but seeing him anyway and just enjoying the time anyway.. and if I find that he's messing with others, just nevermind it. I think maybe I'm just sick of relationship drama and just want to have a good time and some companionship. Your wall is low hun. This guy whos not a good guy, is getting close to you and youre falling for it. Chances are youll start hooking up with him and become emotionally attached. And chances are he will keep his options open and you wont know if he is or not. Be smart about this.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 hmm, who knows, maybe my view is all off. I'm not sure what I'll do yet
ascendotum Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 yea but would even faithful guys stock around that long? maybe in a Disney movie... A year for a decent looking guy these days, no way. That would filter out too many genuine guys as well as the players. We are not a talking about a guy who's only in for the sex here either. A cheater is not the same as someone who's only in for the sex, so the waiting seems redundant to me. They generally will stay in the comfort of a relationship and play the role of loving bf/gf but will look for action on the side at some point in the future when the lustre of the relationship wears off. (well maybe sometimes not look, but rather just take advantage of an offer that falls in their lap)
2sunny Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Or just keep several gals on the back burner - waiting in the wings. Either way use protection!!!!!
Kaiten Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 hey, first how can this ruin me for life unless I let something ruin me for life? And how does anyone except me know how low my wall is? It's not low. At this point I can't see myself beginning a relationship with him. I said I will keep SEEING him.. He wants a relationship? Maybe I'll consider it in a year, if he's willing to go that long being a decent guy...not likely if deep down he isn't. If he's not my boyfriend, he can't cheat on me. Maybe what I'm getting at is: going about accepting that he isn't a good long term choice right now, but seeing him anyway and just enjoying the time anyway.. and if I find that he's messing with others, just nevermind it. I think maybe I'm just sick of relationship drama and just want to have a good time and some companionship. Well excuuuuuse US! It looks like you already did all your homework! Why are you asking our opinion? hahaha
ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Every moment you waste on this guy will be a moment of your life you will never get to spend with someone worthwhile. 1
runningfar Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Yes I am a big believer in both honesty and that people can become better. Past is past and you only know because he didn't lie to you. One of my good friends was quite wild and cheated in his youth; player because girls loved him.... Fell in love around age 25 and now is married with two kids and is the best husband ever at 32. I almost never say someone absolutely would not cheat, even if they think so, but yeah I feel quite sure he never would. He still talks very publicly about how much he adores her and is excited to spend most his time with her, and she is the same. If he's 40 and cheated in every relationship to this point, I would be skeptical. But seriously, people do get better.
StanMusial Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You met this cat online, where you have thousands of potential suitors at your fingertips. The guy who admits publicly to being a three time cheater is the one you choose. For learning purposes, can you describe the factors driving this decision? Other than "likes to cuddle" or whatever. Describe what he looks like, age, height, etc.
KatZee Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I think maybe I'm just sick of relationship drama and just want to have a good time and some companionship. LOL. You're sick of relationship drama, so you're going to get involved with FWB drama? Not much of a difference here. And really... you just want someone to screw around with... you can't find ONE single person better than this? Come on. 2
Drseussgrrl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You met this cat online, where you have thousands of potential suitors at your fingertips. The guy who admits publicly to being a three time cheater is the one you choose. For learning purposes, can you describe the factors driving this decision? Other than "likes to cuddle" or whatever. Describe what he looks like, age, height, etc. Oh please come on. Let's not start with the "well he's hot so he can get any girl he wants". The point is, he can get girls of LOW QUALITY because any woman worth her salt wouldn't be keeping this d-bag around because he CUDDLES. An ex emailing her? What is this 8th grade?! Jesus. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Oh please come on. Let's not start with the "well he's hot so he can get any girl he wants". The point is, he can get girls of LOW QUALITY because any woman worth her salt wouldn't be keeping this d-bag around because he CUDDLES. An ex emailing her? What is this 8th grade?! Jesus. Oh and yes for the 3rd time how did this chick get your contact info? One answer: HE'S STILL IN CONTACT WITH HER.
StanMusial Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Oh please come on. Let's not start with the "well he's hot so he can get any girl he wants". The point is, he can get girls of LOW QUALITY because any woman worth her salt wouldn't be keeping this d-bag around because he CUDDLES. An ex emailing her? What is this 8th grade?! Jesus. I think this is a useful exercise.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I think this is a useful exercise. Yeah? What's it gonna prove? That hot dudes can f*ck around more than average dudes? Way to go, Capt Obvious!
KatZee Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I don't get the mentality of... "I'm just going to have fun with him for now, not date him. But maybe I will a year from now if he proves he's a good guy." Yeaaaaa... so you're going to put out and give him everything he's going to get from a real relationship WITHOUT having to commit to you, and you think that a year down the line he's going to make you a girlfriend???? :laugh::laugh::laugh: 3
StanMusial Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Yeah? What's it gonna prove? That hot dudes can f*ck around more than average dudes? Way to go, Capt Obvious! Hello, have you not seen the thousands of threads griping about OLD? LOL. I want to know why she would pick such an obvious poor choice out of potentially thousands. This could help explain some things to frustrated people.
carhill Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Am I an idiot to try dating a guy who's cheated? IMO, not 'an idiot', but it is healthy to be careful and, if more compatible options present themselves, pursue them. Using the LS standards of what 'cheating' is, meaning *any* disrespectful and/or inappropriate behavior a spouse/partner would disapprove of if performed in front of them and otherwise hidden from their perception, the odds are nearly anyone you'll meet in life will have breached those boundaries at one time or another, and more likely the older they are. The key to health is the relationship style they prosecute today and how they reflect upon their past choices, if cheating and/or affairs were amongst them. IMO, if he otherwise is an attractive dating partner, keep your eyes open for more compatible options and enjoy his company on a casual basis for now, watching his actions. If you can't/don't do 'casual', then move on. Also, take the revelations of ex'es (him and her) with a grain of salt, meaning their words are their 'opinion', unless quantified by verifiable facts, and opinions are colored by emotions and emotions generally run strong and negative when people end romantic relationships. The 'truth' is usually somewhere in the middle. He's admitted he's cheated in the past. Go with that. Good luck.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Hello, have you not seen the thousands of threads griping about OLD? LOL. I want to know why she would pick such an obvious poor choice out of potentially thousands. This could help explain some things to frustrated people. Sure it's obvious. He's hot and she has low self esteem. This isn't rocket science. 4
KatZee Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Sure it's obvious. He's hot and she has low self esteem. This isn't rocket science. Any girl with low self-esteem will toss herself at anyone that shows an ounce of interest and will completely disregard what he's done in the past because these girls have the, "It'll be different with me" mentality. Unfortunately these girls soon learn that they are not exceptions, they are only rules. OP you're going to find yourself becoming another one of his "crazy" ex's if you allow him to just use you like this.
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