destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Im not a young person and do have experience but I feel like I am missing something. people must know something I dont. can anyone explain this? 'some relaionships just don't work out and there isn't a reason why' Isnt there always a reason why things dont work out? whether its gigs, falling in love with someone else, infidelity, distance...etc. There always is a reason, right?? if your going.to attempt to explain this phenomena pls provide an example bc i just dont get it.
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 yes i know that is the general reason...but there has to be a specific reason WHY THEIR FEELINGS CHANGED SUDDENLY! We are not animals..we are logical creatures walking his planet. There always has to be a reason. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Logic and Love do not exactly go hand-n-hand. "Even a wiseman, is no different then a fool, when in-love." Chemicals. Chemicals in the braind. Spiritual, or whatever you choose to go by(yes, it is chemicals, but the meaning these wonderful chemicals produce...) Cause the feelings of love, and that usually wears off short into the relationship. That is the feelings of "in-love." Whereas, love in itself, is something different, that lasts beyond this stage.... People who suddenly change, were no more invested then their silly lil chemicals allowed them to be. When that utopia affect wore off, they were no-more in love, and that love is fake. I didn't explain this well, but, considering my mood...idc...That's my answer. 3
blue_jay_bird Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Logic and Love do not exactly go hand-n-hand. "Even a wiseman, is no different then a fool, when in-love." Chemicals. Chemicals in the braind. Spiritual, or whatever you choose to go by(yes, it is chemicals, but the meaning these wonderful chemicals produce...) Cause the feelings of love, and that usually wears off short into the relationship. That is the feelings of "in-love." Whereas, love in itself, is something different, that lasts beyond this stage.... People who suddenly change, were no more invested then their silly lil chemicals allowed them to be. When that utopia affect wore off, they were no-more in love, and that love is fake. I didn't explain this well, but, considering my mood...idc...That's my answer. Even when utopia wears off, even the memory of utopia can be around for some time. Even if it was a long term relationship. These chemicals can keep a relationship together for years. aka fake love.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Even when utopia wears off, even the memory of utopia can be around for some time. Even if it was a long term relationship. These chemicals can keep a relationship together for years. aka fake love. That is correct
thefooloftheyear Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 yes i know that is the general reason...but there has to be a specific reason WHY THEIR FEELINGS CHANGED SUDDENLY! We are not animals..we are logical creatures walking his planet. There always has to be a reason. I just think she is purposely trying to be obtuse because she doesnt want to tell you the REAL reason. She just might not want to hurt you so she comes up with some ambiguous shet so she doesnt feel as guilty. Defense mechanism... TFOY 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 yes i know that is the general reason...but there has to be a specific reason WHY THEIR FEELINGS CHANGED SUDDENLY! We are not animals..we are logical creatures walking his planet. There always has to be a reason. So what if there is? It's not going to make you feel any better to know the answer. And if there is a reason, gently, she doesn't owe it to you. She gave you a reason for breaking up with you..her feelings changed. She doesn't owe you a dissection of every word she says. Sorry you're hurting, I really am. I hope you feel better soon.
Thunderchild Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Im not a young person and do have experience but I feel like I am missing something. people must know something I dont. can anyone explain this? 'some relaionships just don't work out and there isn't a reason why' Isnt there always a reason why things dont work out? whether its gigs, falling in love with someone else, infidelity, distance...etc. There always is a reason, right?? if your going.to attempt to explain this phenomena pls provide an example bc i just dont get it. Yes, there is usually a reason for a break up, but trying to analyse and dissect every word is the road to madness. All human behaviour has puspose. Even the most irrrational of circumstances there are reasons. Even in extreme cases - such as violent or abusive relationships - people go back to them again and again for a reason. Whether it's drama, attention, sympathy or whatever they get something from it at some level. People's feelings for someone don't change without some external influence being involved. Brain chemicals don't just suddenly change, something influences the person. Just learn to accept that they're gone from your life. When they're trotting out this kind of "my feelings have changed" BS, they're usually lying to you. And, invariably - whatever some people on these boards say - they are lying to you for their benefit. They don't lie to you 'to let you down gently', they lie because they feel guilty and to protect themselves from the consequences of their actions. In effect, it's a form of cowardice. So, who needs a coward and a liar in their lives??
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 People's feelings for someone don't change without some external influence being involved. Brain chemicals don't just suddenly change, something influences the person. ? So then that sentence is invalid bc there has to be some type of external influence, which follows that there IS some type of reason why it didnt work out. how can anyone get closure if they dont freaken know the real reason?
drpepper1886 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 So then that sentence is invalid bc there has to be some type of external influence, which follows that there IS some type of reason why it didnt work out. how can anyone get closure if they dont freaken know the real reason? sometimes the only closure you get is that it is over and that has to be closure enough. Reason doesn't matter as the person who ended it thought that whatever reason it was, was good enough to terminate any relationship with you potentially forever.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I don't think it's that the feelings truly changed that suddenly, I think their feelings started to change prior to the breakup but for whatever reason they kept acting as if the relationship was still working for them when in truth it wasn't. Maybe they do that to buy some time before they make a big decision to dump, idk. I'm struggling with the same issue of being blindsided by a sudden breakup and the only way I can understand it is that his feelings changed a while back and he didn't discuss that with me or let me know in any way. I think he let it go until he had made up his mind to dump, and then he just did it without discussion or warning. " That's it and it's final." I hate it and it hurts, and I'm so sorry it's happened to you. I do think it makes it very hard to accept.
Amelie1980 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 The "Why"... doesn't matter. A relationship ending is not a reflection of you or what you have to offer or your worth. Bottom Line no matter what reason they tell you for why they dumped you... Here is the real one (this applies to everyone): Their feelings for you changed, no longer want to be with you, they think / feel / believe / know / certain that their life is better off without you and why they dumped you. Same reason above applies to GIGS, commitment phoebe, BPD, seven year itch, normal break up, crazy break up, young, old, short relationship, long relationship, divorce, etc. What's a normal break up?
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 My ex said something like this too. The realization that we both came to (at different times) is that we were just incompatible, tried to change each other (in different ways by different techniques), and after the HS, just really weren't right for each other. I'd say we chugged along well for about the first 18 months. Leveled out for about a year and started to disintegrate for about 6 to 8 months. Then ended it. I think she just realized and accepted it before me, but I see it now too. Better we did it when we did then keep it going. Would have just been more painful. Just sucks because the first 18 months were really nice and I wouldn't have ever thought it would be over in 18 more months. So much so, that I proposed and she said yes. Now look where we are
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 the real reason could be they got bored. Actually my ex did say she was bored, but I didnt think she was bored of me. Bored as in a child bored of a toy. Now she's found a new way to distract herself, not necessarily another man. We cant explain boredom, can we ? i get it. boredom is a valid reason. (even tho i believe when person who says s/ he is bored, s/he is actually the boring one bc they are bored of themselves and expect others to entertain them) My ex said she WASN'T bored...all the more confusing.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 What's a normal break up? Pizza is a nornal break up.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 In a true long lasting relationship, boredom shouldn't mean death of the relationship. Rather, two learn to work through it and find new ways to have fun. There are always boring moments in a relationship. I talked personally with Destroyed. Her ex, was not a good person, lol... 3
js1967 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Im one of those that got blindsided. I believe I am healing a little faster then many on here, but I still get haunted,especially for the reasons. I wont lie and say I dont still wonder, but I keep coming back to a couple key points.... 1.It was them and them alone who came to this choice to break up, the reason is not as important as the fact that they alone decided to do it. I dont know if it was because they were bored, found another guy, decided to become a lesbian, maybe depressed...who knows, all I know is this... 2. Every second I think about it, I get angry at myself because I AM GETTING ROBBED OF MY LIFE for something I did not ask for, or want to happen...THEREFORE I WILL NOT LET THAT EMOTION CONTROL ME. There is nothing I can do about it. I Do not want to be with anyone who doesnt want to be with me. I dont hate her, and Im starting to come to terms with the fact that she was only trying to improve her life by getting rid of an element that she believed was not making her happy. Its nothing personal, its self survival. She has the right to make herself happy, just like I do. Fortunately, words out on the street, I have a few nice people contacting me wanting to go out on a date or whatever...and I will go. Its good for my confidence and maybe somewhere down the road I might love one of them..Who knows. Hang tough! Everyday for me it gets a little better. Little tip for the guys...and maybe this is a guy thing, but the second I think about her, I drop and do 20 pushups. Gonna do them now in fact as soon as I hit Submit. It works! 3
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I was speaking to the audience. Many of the people here think when someone breaks up with you... That they have to give their approval, the person is asking for permission or they didn't indeed... break up. Not to mention, 95% of the posters here think they / a break up / their Ex is a failure, bad or evil. When all a break up is... An Answer To A Question. Lol, my ex truly was evil. I needn't get into old news. Why even destroyeds is evil 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 In a true long lasting relationship, boredom shouldn't mean death of the relationship. Rather, two learn to work through it and find new ways to have fun. There are always boring moments in a relationship. I talked personally with Destroyed. Her ex, was not a good person, lol... yes. I think that you could meet the most exciting person in the world and after a certain amount of time things will become ordinary, routine no matter what. its only natural. Relationships are meant to be worked on, not just laying back and enjoying the ride until the infatuation wears off. some people think that when the butterfly in the stomach stage is over, the relationship is over bc they dont have those exciting feelings anymore. 2
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Lol, my ex truly was evil. I needn't get into old news. Why even destroyeds is evil Yep, some people lack empathy....i call those people EVIL. They are capable of doing anything and have No remorse....ex: kd lane kid from ohio. (extreme case) Lack of empathy = evil next time i even consider anyone for a partner..imma have to put them thru empathy tests..lol
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Lol im still gonna say...nothing is quite as evil as pizza
Author destroyed4sho Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Lol im still gonna say...nothing is quite as evil as pizza what do u mean by pizza??
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 what do u mean by pizza?? The food...it makes you fat
StraylightRun24 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 yes. I think that you could meet the most exciting person in the world and after a certain amount of time things will become ordinary, routine no matter what. its only natural. Relationships are meant to be worked on, not just laying back and enjoying the ride until the infatuation wears off. some people think that when the butterfly in the stomach stage is over, the relationship is over bc they dont have those exciting feelings anymore. The exact reason my ex broke things off with me. She said she didn't have the spark or butterflies for me and when I gave her my opinion of those being what we initially felt when we first started seeing each other and that's why we both continued to do so she replied something along the lines of, "that was only the excitement of the beginning of a new relationship." Thought that's exactly what sparks and butterflies were! Love (for lack of a better word) is a strange thing. In a 3 week timeframe she went from texting me things like, "I only need you." when asking if I should pick anything up when I was coming over to spend the night and "I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you," and doing things such as taking me to her niece's b-day party and spending Christmas Eve/morning with me to breaking up 3 days after Christmas because the spark was gone or possibly never existed.... 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 The exact reason my ex broke things off with me. She said she didn't have the spark or butterflies for me and when I gave her my opinion of those being what we initially felt when we first started seeing each other and that's why we both continued to do so she replied something along the lines of, "that was only the excitement of the beginning of a new relationship." Thought that's exactly what sparks and butterflies were! Love (for lack of a better word) is a strange thing. In a 3 week timeframe she went from texting me things like, "I only need you." when asking if I should pick anything up when I was coming over to spend the night and "I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you," and doing things such as taking me to her niece's b-day party and spending Christmas Eve/morning with me to breaking up 3 days after Christmas because the spark was gone or possibly never existed.... Yeah, it's a bunch of crap. My BU wasn't quite so sudden as you describe. More of a steady decline over weeks/months. Not sure this was any better or worse. I guess it saved me the shock factor, as I knew it was coming, more or less. The similarity, though, is the reasons behind the BU on her end. "Just don't feel that way about you anymore", etc, etc... I truly think women tend to feel this way more than men. That when they don't feel butterflies anymore, it must be over. My ex felt that the relationship should just simply work and be magical on it's own. We shouldn't have to 'work' at it. And if we do, then it just isn't right. Now, I'm torn on my views, because on one hand, I am starting to agree with her and see the many things I was unhappy about in the relationship and that we were both unhappy. But I also know that these things do take some work to be awesome over the long haul. Kinda like a plant. Needs water, air, sunlight or else it will simply shrivel up and die.. I guess the deciding factor is how much the plant needs and if both parties are willing to grow it. If one doesn't want to... terminated!!! Moving forward, I am going to try as hard as I can to establish compatibility early in the RS, and if it isn't there, I'm out. Trouble is, it is so easy to get hooked during the HS. Got to stay grounded and check yourself 1
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