clintonstearns Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 I am 16, and in highschool. I can't seem to work up enough guts to talk to the girls I like, and if I do the conversation ends up being too short, it goes silent, and I feel stupid. Just too shy, any suggestions to help with this?
Matilda Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 What is it about these girls that you like? If is simply because they are attractive, then this may be your problem. The key to having a conversation with someone, male or female, is to have something to say. Generally, it will be a subject you are both interested in. This is why you might want to consider females who have at least some of the same interests as you. What kind of things do you like to talk about? What do you talk to your male friends about? Do you like music? Then start a conversation with "What kind of music do you like?" Concentrate on just finding out more about the girl as a person. Ask a lot of questions. Ask what does she like to do: listen to music, read, watch TV, movies, etc. You don't have to like exactly the same things. Say she likes a different type of music than you do. Ask her what it is about that type of music that she likes. And then tell her why you like the kind of music you do. Then you can always lead into, maybe sometime she could let you hear some of whatever music it is she likes. This shows that you are interested in her as a person. Now, if it is something you absolutely know already that you hate, this won't work. Conversation is all about getting to know another person. Make a list of questions, you might want to ask someone. Practice these questions in your head. So when there is a lag in the conversation, you can just recall another one of the questions you want to ask. I used to be shy too, and found it helpful to pretend like I'm a journalist trying to find out information about someone. Now, in the course of asking questions, you may find that you are really not interested in anything that girl has to say. That's okay. Then you know that she is probably not the girl for you. Get to know some other girls. And it may take many conversations, before you can really know if this is a person you are interested in. Being a good conversationalist, and making friends comes easily to some people. For others, like myself, it is something that must be learned and practiced. That's okay, it is definitely something you can get better at.
bball2079 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Dude i have the exact same problem so this is what other people have suggested me to do: Do you go to school together? Do you work together? Wherever the connection that you know her from, link it in, in a conversation. If school, then ask her something about that etc, Listen and just respond but try not to be nervous which is why you're having this difficulty in the 1st place right? If you hint of confidence then that is appealing. Good Luck. Hey remember that nobody is any better than anybody else... Just 2 people talking. Loosen Up. Ask yourself what's so special about girls that you should feel uncomfortable talking to them. If you can answer that, you're half-way to getting over the issue. You must be a shy person if you're afraid to talk to someone because of any particular trait they possess - and your predisposition is most likely a reflection of your general shyness, rather than a unique problem in itself. A simple thing to do would be to imagine the person you're going to speak to is someone you know very well, e.g. your best friend and use that attitude to talk to them. Once you get rid of preconceptions, people are actually extremely simple creatures.
blue17 Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 ya i agree with a lot of what bball has said. I think you see these attractive chicks and are a bit intimidated, and you feel you have to impress them etc. You don't act yourself....the girl notices this (she gets disinterested) and then the conversation fails. As was mentioned....try to relax and pretend you're talking to someone you know very well. Remember....when you are talking to a girl, you aren't looking to see if you are good enough for her...you are looking to see if she is good enough for you. Gotta have that confidence in order to think like that. good luck.
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