MannyJay Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 About a year ago I met my current GF through my cousin (Her best friend). I fell in love with her in no time. We aren't the most traditional couple or the most crazy couple either. Right in the middle. We have fun but we're mostly home bodies. We live 100 miles away from each other so it's a semi-long distance relationship bc we see each other on the weekends and surprise each other every once in a while during the week. She's moving back home this summer, for her family and me, she claims. So... About 6 months ago that guy thing came over me and I asked how many partners she'd been with. Idk why but it seemed important at the time. She was always very hesitant to talk about this subject and completely avoided talks about anyone but her last ex. She's been with 12 including me. Not super high for a cute girl with big boobs girl living in a college town.... right? Turns out she lost her virginity at 13, had her heart broken and waited until she was 17 again to have sex again. She goes off to college and the number grew a lil.... She's a very family oriented girl and her mom was always cheating on her dad. In early 2011, her parents finally called it quits and permanently broke their home. Later that year, her best friend died in a car accident and she was cheated on by her dbag boyfriend of 3 months. It ended badly. Rough year. She goes off the deep end. She has a couple of one night stands and starts to drink and party alot more and starts to date real douchebags. She isn't the most wild girl around. In fact her craziest story is she very drunkenly did it in a pool with a guy in the middle of the night.... She knew him btw. Friend of her cousin. Lol When I found out there were 12 guys I was actually really down about it. First thought was my girlfriend was a whore. That's a lot of guys in her senior year and college days, I thought. The more time has passed since then the less I cared. I used to obsess about who these guys were.. If they were better to her in bed. Did she even remember most if it. Not really. Drove me nuts. I used to judge the S* Now...When I find out new info I revert back to being jealous. Before she was my gf we were facebook friends and there was always a new boy of the month. I though she was just friendly. Turns out she was a bit boy crazy. And not to mention the frequent suggestive Fb posts like "Hot tub with amazing people" followed by "Whoa what a night!" or "Is a girl a hoe if she goes home with a guy ...blah blah blah, need answers people" at 3 in the morning -___- I guess what bothers me was her turnover rate.... Recently she admitted to me that she was always cheated on or dumped. Used for sex. It rose some red flags bc I felt as if she was desperate for someone to love and treat her right that she was talking to any average looking hispanic guy lol. (We're both Hispanic) Her turnover rate made me feel like I was just the next swinging D*ck that actually wanted to treat her right. Idk maybe I'm just being insecure.... Another thing was how she insisted on staying friends with these guys. That bc they didn't end on bad terms they could stay friends. But in reality those were bad terms, right? I'm not crazy for saying if you were cheated on, you might not find friendship in this person very worthy. This caused a whole bunch of problems. Why be Facebook friends and keep phone numbers of the guys who USED you for sex, if all it does is piss your boyfriend off. Am I crazy? She considers everyone a friend.... it's annoying. All that said...She's an amazing person. She's funny, warm, loving and sexy. Swears to me she is NOT that person anymore. That she loves me and sees a real future with me. She's someone I want to grow old with and have lil one's with her. But I can't find the peace of mind to get stupid bs like that pool story or the one night stands out of my head on some days. One night she admitted to me of being ashamed of her past (Swear, not making this up) I feel like I have to know every detail about her sexual past. i want to ask questions even though it hurts us in the process. She is sick about the subject and it turns into a major fight every time it comes up. So I'm here looking for advice. Does anyone have this? A near obsession with your partners sexual past? What can I do to move forward? Thank you for reading my rant. You reply is much appreciated.
Object_a Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 How old are you Manny? I just ask because I was kind of the same when I was in my late teens / early 20s and it was really just insecurity, among other things. As I got older and more confident I became far less inclined to worry and now it's not something that every crosses my mind at all. All I can suggest for now is staying mindful of your thoughts, and if you feel your mind starting to wander towards her past, do your best to think of something else instead. These kind of jealous feelings just fade away of their own accord as a relationship grows, but that won't happen if you're constantly bringing up her past and making her feel bad about it. 1
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Either you get over it or move on. If you cant handle that she slept around some in college, find a girl who didnt do that. Theres plenty out there. I dont think this will stop being an issue for you.
Pompeii Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 If I had a nickel for every time I have heard this story or a variant of, I'd be a very rich man. If you want to be with this girl, you will just have to accept that she has some type of past that you will not be comfortable with. Most women do now a days, it's difficult to find one that doesn't have a colorful sexual past, especially if she went through college. To be honest, she could STILL be lying to you when she tells you she slept with X amount of people. I wouldn't be surprised if it was higher or if she forgot some people. I honestly don't know what to say. If you want to be with a woman in our current times, you must accept that she had a period where she slept with lots of people. I also believe with a lot of men, it isn't so much the *number* but rather as you said the "turnover rate". I truly believe a lot of men want sex much more than women but find it harder to achieve more so than women. That's why they resent their girlfriends for having high partner counts because they couldn't achieve it themselves. People with high partner counts tend not to care about the other person's number because they've already "had their fun". To be honest, if I had a girlfriend, I'd feel a little bit jealous of the fact that she's had sex so many times while I haven't. I'm already jealous of my friends that do. It's up to you to decide. Do you want to take someone's word that they're "not that person anymore" or would you not? If it was me, I wouldn't take her word for it because I have a hard time trusting others and the risk (my mental, emotional, and financial stability) is much higher than the reward (a relationship). Also, I factor a formula of investment into the equation as well. Is this girl worth investing in mentally, emotionally and financially. Only you can decide. You know the saying if you put enough monkeys on a typewriter and eventually one of them would write a Shakespeare play? Well, that's how I feel about dating. Maybe you just have to keep plugging and plugging away until you find someone that fits your criteria. Or maybe not.
IAmRobot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 12 Isn't a high number IMO. Consider 2 per year 17-22 inclusive More problematic is the fact that her mom cheated on her dad. Children tend to pick up parents habits IMO. Also if she's telling you 12................ chances are you can double that to get the real #.
veggirl Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 The biggest issue is her insistance on being "friends" with the guys she dated/fked. The guys she admits cheated on her or dumped her. How is cheating not a bad ending.. I think you'd be a lot more okay with the situation if she wasn't still in contact with her past hook ups. She seems very afraid to be alone/desperate. Like she will accept whatever is given to her. Bad news, low self-esteem in her will be a danger to your relationship because she requires validation from a variety of men. This sounds like a girl who needs to be single, as in completely single and not sleeping with anyone, so that she can get her head straight.
Apolodor Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 The number of men she's been with shouldn't be a problem if she's just a temporary gf, but you say you want to grow old with this person. At some point you'll need to decide whether you want the mother of your children to be someone who's had her v-gina scratched by lots of c*cks.... I wouldn't be comfortable with that.....
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 OP move on. She has done casual sex stuff which you dont like...especially screwing some guy in a pool during a party. Why even tell you about that? Find a girl who has a similar sexual history to yours. You wont be able to get over this girls history. It will eat at you and cause problems. And its compounded by the fact that she stays friends with people shes slept with. That def doesnt help you keeping this stuff outta your head. You wont listen to me...but you should definitely move on...or at the least, only screw around with her and not get attached. 1
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 PS - girls with her history tend to lie about their number. One girl I dated confessed to me that she lied to a guy she dated before me about her number. The guy was a good dude, hadnt been with many people...so she lied to him and cut her number in half. She was honest with me since she knew I wasnt trying to wife her up and that things were casual...and that I didnt really care about her number too much at the time. With what you mention of her turnover rate, I wouldnt be surprised if she fudged her numbers a tad. That being said, I still think you should move on and deal with a girl more similar to you.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I can't believe you veteran posters are falling for this. LOL
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