Nyla Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 My husband and I have been together for almost six years and married for nearly three of those. We feel like we are well past the giddy honeymoon stage that everyone thinks we are still in, just because we haven't been married for very long. I'm wondering if living together before we married made the difference. Maybe we feel like we've been married a long time because we have gotten through some very difficult times already; we have survived unemployment, financial hardship, career changes and dysfunctional family of origin issues on both sides. We are in a very good place right now despite some sexual difficulties that I would rather not specify; my husband and I feel that most marital problems can be worked through with communication and respect for each other. Having long conversations about expectations while we were engaged helped a great deal. There is still a great deal of passion and romance in our marriage which makes both of us smile. I get love texts from my husband and I make racy phone calls to his desk. I try to let my husband come home to a cute wife with dinner on the table since I am usually home before him in the evenings. So is the honeymoon period shorter if the the couple shacked up before marriage?
xxoo Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Sure. If you live together long enough, it may be over before the wedding! On the other hand, IME there can be secondary honeymoon periods to look forward to.
Author Nyla Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks xxoo. 61 views and only one response?
TaraMaiden Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 What's to say? Except "Erectile Dysfunction".....? You're just going to get loads of people guessing at this - We are in a very good place right now despite some sexual difficulties that I would rather not specify; Rather than paying attention to this - There is still a great deal of passion and romance in our marriage which makes both of us smile. I get love texts from my husband and I make racy phone calls to his desk. I try to let my husband come home to a cute wife with dinner on the table since I am usually home before him in the evenings.
Silly_Girl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 61 views and only one response? I couldn't be totally clear as to when you two started living together to base anything against a norm I'm used to. Sorry. All I can say from my own point of view is that we got engaged before we moved in together (unheard of in our social circles) and we are marrying soon after meeting and buying a house. We really talk a lot about this new life we are jigsaw piecing together, what we hope to achieve from it, and we went on a marriage prep course last week (we were the only ones there because we wanted to be and not because it was a requirement to use a religious building). We have no way of knowing whether our way works, we could split up in 6 months time, but we tend to FEEL, for us, that our approach to setting up a life together is extremely sincere and we discuss lots of scenarios (possible difficulties in future) and have had some relatively big stressors already... we believe we see better equipped than a couple who built a life 'by accident' so to speak. Circumstances made it easy for them to live together, then marriage seemed a natural step after X amount of time etc etc, whereas we have been very deliberate and focused on our decisions, and feel we have worked hard on those decisions. Is that a similar kind of feeling you are getting at in your post? Or have I just rambled on pointless and entirely missed the mark??!
xxoo Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I didn't mean that living together shortens the honeymoon period. Just that the honeymoon period rarely lasts more than 2-3 years living together (married or not), so if you live together unmarried, that takes up some of your honeymoon period. Either way, at 6 years together, it would be normal to be past it. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though! 1
KungFuJoe Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I don't think moving in together makes a difference. I was with my current wife for 2 months before she moved in with me. We lived together for nearly 3 years before getting married. We've now been married over 10 years and the honeymoon period hasn't ended. 3
Author Nyla Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) Thankfully, ED has not appeared in our bedroom! If ED becomes an issue, there are pills for that. KFJ, how nice that you and your wife are still honeymooning after more than ten years. We always have a honeymoon period after returning from a minibreak. The afterglow is still there for a while. Our love feels secure and comfortable, as opposed to giddy all the time. Edited March 22, 2013 by Nyla
diipii Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 No. The honeymoon is shorter if the wife is obsessed by what others think.
TaraMaiden Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Thankfully, ED has not appeared in our bedroom! If ED becomes an issue, there are pills for that. I really, REALLY hope you don't actually believe that such an issue is that simple, that it can be resolved simply by downing pills....
Gagirl Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 My honeymoon period lasted for 10 years until we had kids. We had a lot of fun. We traveled, took classes together, ate out all the time, worked out together and always kept a clean house. Life was great. Now it sucks. We just stay home and take care of kids, don't have no help nor can we afford it. We never lived together prior to marriage.
Author Nyla Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I really, REALLY hope you don't actually believe that such an issue is that simple, that it can be resolved simply by downing pills.... It depends on what is causing the ED...pills can often help but there are certainly other underlying issues that cannot be cured with pills.
Mycteria Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My honeymoon period lasted for 10 years until we had kids. We had a lot of fun. We traveled, took classes together, ate out all the time, worked out together and always kept a clean house. Life was great. Now it sucks. We just stay home and take care of kids, don't have no help nor can we afford it. We never lived together prior to marriage. How many kids do you have?
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 How many kids do you have? IT doesn't matter. The way she seems to be feeling, it seems however many, it's 'too many'.
xxoo Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 We had a return to giddy, honeymoon love after each child was born. And then again after all children finally entered childhood, and we left the heavy labor of young children behind. We've cycled in and out of honeymoon periods I guess.
Mycteria Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 IT doesn't matter. The way she seems to be feeling, it seems however many, it's 'too many'. Yes it does matter. I'm starting to think that any time you have more than one kid, it negatively impacts your quality of life and your relationship with your spouse. Just looking for another data point. I'm curious if it's this bad with just two kids or does it take three or more?
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 It's no secret round here that I have two girls, both of whom I adore, but that if I had my time again I would probably actually be childless now. It's not only about the money - but a child costs in the region of a quarter of a million to bring up to adult age. There are other factors involved which make being a parent.... well, challenging, I guess. Some think it's the most wonderful thing since sliced bread... My daughter's had a little boy - he's 3 now - but she's adamant that he will be an only child. IN a nutshell - she says - hard work in all and every which ways.... But hang on - this is O/T. Sorry.
Author Nyla Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 No need to apologize. The effects of raising children in relation to the honeymoon period ending is another dimension of this topic.
Recommended Posts