Dumpees: What does he want? Revenge or does he really want to get back together?

[misskst]

I dated a guy for about 4 months. Things were going great for first 3 months, then he started to pull away. I talked to him about this and he seemed to be understanding and admitted that he was actually pulling away but didn't know why. I told him to take the time to think, and I really meant it. Although we weren't as close as we used to be, things weren't too bad because he did appreciate my understanding. However, he still texted me on a regular basis, and some of the texts made me feel unwanted or like I was chasing after him. I didn't mind giving him the space and time, but the idea of chasing after him just bothered me. During our first 3 months, he'd say things like he missed me so much that it felt like a withdrawal (if we didn't see each other for a week). But then after I showed my understanding of him in need to take the time to think, he texted me saying things like "I feel like I miss you a little." And this is after not seeing me for 3 weeks. It just made me feel like I was begging him to miss me. Then I realized that, while it'd be fine to give him time and space to think, now it was turning into me waiting for a guy to pick me. So I nicely ended things. I explained him the only reason why I broke up him was because I didn't feel wanted. In a way, he was the real dumper, not me. I did my best not to hurt his ego as I knew he was very insecure. He sent me a text admitting that it was all his fault. I replied nicely that what's done is done. And we ended it there.

 

We didn't text for about a week. But we still played Words With Friends (iphone app for scrabble) regularly as we used to when we were dating. Then after a week, he sent me a message on Words With Friends, just saying things about the game. I replied nicely.

 

2 days after that, I was a little drunk and missed him so much, so I texted him that I missed him. He said he was thinking about me too. Then we talked a bit about the breakup. I said I was afraid to get hurt, he said "you're not gonna get your heart broken." I said he was neglecting me and it would only get worse. He didn't reply. The next day, I texted him again and apologized for the drunken texts. He said he wished that I'd show up at his place. I said that would be awkward, especially if he had someone else over. He said he'd never have someone else over and that I was always welcome. We then started texting like we were back together (or so I thought). Yesterday, he texted and said he was still imagining me showing up at his door unexpectedly. I said be careful what he wished for because if a girl shows up at your door she's going to want to know that you miss her and like her the way she does you. He replied, "I don't know what that means but I definitely want her to show up." That's what got me thinking, he didn't once say he missed me or liked me. So we were going back and forth. He kept saying that it was all in my head, not clarifying "what" was all in my head, the fact that he missed me or the fact that he didn't miss me. When I finally asked him straight what he wanted from me and how exactly he felt about me, he didn't reply. I asked him if we could talk over the phone for 5 min, he didn't reply. I called, he didn't answer. I left him a voicemail crying (yes, very stupid I was crying all night). Then later he texted saying that he was tired. I left it there and didn't reply.

 

Today, he made a move on our game on Words With Friends like nothing happened last night. He's acting like he didn't make me cry last night.

 

So what exactly does he want? I thought that he wanted to work things out, which I was willing to do? But now I don't know anymore. My friend said that he just wanted revenge because I broke up with him. He needs to feel good about himself by being the one who has the last word. But he already got that last night, and I don't care to win or lose the breakup. I like him and never want to hurt him. If having the last word is what makes him happy, so he can have it. But why today he initiated things again. How many times does he want to have the last word?

[JJ72]

I like how you start your thread title with "Dumpees".

 

Sounds like he's not into you like he was in the beginning. He knows why, he just cant't bring himself to say it to you. Might have his eye on another girl. As far as him wanting you to come over...I'd guess he wants to keep you around for booty calls.

[stillafool]

That's why it's a good idea not to drink and text.