Stalked for over 16 years (VERY long)

[applej4]

 

Hello everyone,

 

Yes, that’s right…..16 yrs. Maybe even longer, but 16 years that I’m aware of.

 

It started in 1996. I was in my late 30s. I lived near a grocery store and also a drugstore where I shopped often. I also usually took the bus to work downtown. I began to notice the same man (at the time he looked maybe 50ish) in the aisle at stores, briefly looking at me, smiling, etc. I didn’t respond …..did not know him and I wasn’t interested

 

One day as I was walking home I noticed him in a car parked in a lot I had to pass. He called out “Need some help carrying your groceries?” I snapped “NO” and kept walking. He drove away. A few months later I was walking to a store a couple blocks away, I was in a good mood, it was a nice day. I heard a honk, he pulled up and rolled down his window. I talked to him for a few minutes, long to short we exchanged names and he called a few weeks later and we went out to dinner. He told me he was divorced, had grown children, but he was vague and evasive about simple things such as where he worked. We had a nice time, he said he wanted to see me again. He came to my apt, and things went very well – I thought. He eluded to another date. Then he disappeared into thin air. I had no way of contacting him. I assumed he lost interest, Or he had lied and was actually married, so I moved on

 

Two years (2 yrs) later I was walking to my carport and he pulled up. He said he wanted to explain why he didn’t call. I cut him off….said it didn’t matter, I was no longer interested. He drove away. A couple months later he called, I said “Not interested. Don’t call again” and hung up. Over the course of several months I “ran unto” him several times in stores, and said nothing to him. After this happened several times I made a police report re: stalking and harassment. I gave the name he had given me, but had no phone # or address

 

In 2004 he started up again – I saw him 3 times at the grocery store or drug store. On one occasion I walked up to him and said “I want you to stop following me. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’ve told you I’m not interested and I’ve also filed a complaint with the police.” He just looked at me and I walked away. A week later he popped up again in the grocery store. I ignored him. I was preparing to move out of state – which I did do, for 6 months. However, I came back and moved to a different area from where I had lived before.

 

Fast forward 7 years. I’ve had some medical problems and no longer drive. A few months ago I was at the grocery store, there he was! He said “Hi!”, but I didn’t reply. However, I waited until he came out to the parking lot, and I wrote down the make/model/license plate # of his car. He yelled “Why are you writing down my license plate #?” I just kept walking. After I got home (took the bus) I saw him circle the block twice. I called the police, and an officer came to talk to me. I had documented everything, and gave all the history and license plate #. Officer checked and told me I had the name correct but I had spelled last name wrong – and he would not tell me correct spelling. However, officer went to the man’s house and talked to him, then called me and said the man denied “stalking” me (of course). Officer told me to continue to document, and if it continues they will refer me to prosecutor’s office for possible restraining order.

 

The thing is, he might me watching me at times when I don’t notice. Also, he spaces out his appearances so that it ‘appears’ coincidental. I also suspect he has done this before (I might not be his only target), but without spending money on a private investigator I don’t know how to find out more information about him, or what else to do other hand be careful.

Edited March 21, 2013 by applej4

[venusianx13]

Hi there,

 

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds very unsettling. After reading your story, I'd advise you to stop dealing with your local PD and go down to the Prosecutor's Office and ask to speak with a detective there who will help you to file a complaint and restraining order. You don't need to wait for the local PD to refer you, and once you've filed a complaint on the county level, they will transfer documents from your case file at the PD.

 

Please do this as soon as you are able. The Prosecutor's office should handle it more efficiently than the PD, as they probably have a specific unit for this sort of crime (I'm thinking Special Victims).

 

Good luck to you.

[applej4]

Thanks for replying.

 

One thing that occurred to me is that stores (especially large cain grocery stores) have surveillence tapes of what goes on inside and outside their store. Someone advised me that if I see him again, immediately talk to store manager, explain the situation, and ask him to keep the video. Prosecutors can get it from store security.

 

The downside is that (as I mentioned) he is clever and spaces his appearances out, and an attorney could say it's "coincidence" and it's not illegal to be in a grocery store where I happen to be shopping.

[clia]

I want to start out this post by saying that I take stalking very seriously, and I know it can be mentally and physically devastating.

 

However, from what you posted:

 

In 1996 you went on a date with this guy that went well, you invited him to your place, and soon thereafter he poofed.

 

In 1998 he showed up at your house randomly (I agree, weird). You told him you weren't interested. A couple months later he called you and again you said you weren't interested. Over the next few months you ran into him at stores.

 

In 2004 you saw him three times at grocery or drug stores.

 

In 2013 (a few months ago) you saw him at the grocery store.

 

So, in the past 17 years, you've seen him at a store 7 times. Is it at all possible that these stores happen to be near his house so that is where he shops? This just really doesn't seem excessive to me, and could be entirely coincidental if he lives in the neighborhood. I mean, I go to the same few stores all the time in my neighborhood. I wouldn't be surprised at all if I saw a neighbor there 7 times over 17 years. Do you have any idea where he lives?

 

I guess what I'm really wondering is why you think he's stalking you? Why do you think he's done it before? Do you think he is just hanging out at the store waiting for you to show up? Have you seen him near your house? Have you been getting hang up phone calls that you think are from him? Has he threatened you?

[applej4]

Actually it’s been more than 7 times at the grocery store (two different grocery stores) – more like 15 or 20. In addition to that, prior to the 1996 date I saw him in stores maybe 6 times over the course of a few months, following me down the street a few times (sometimes honking), and watching me from a parking lot.

 

Odd that the day we actually talked in 1996, I walk out of my apt, walk towards a ttore, and wow, there he is! How "coincidental"

 

A couple yrs later, it was also strange how, as soon as I walk to my carport, there he was! Again, how "coincidental"!

 

It’s odd that after I moved to a different area and shop at a different store he “pops up” at that store. I don’t know his address, but I’ve had neighbors that I don’t “run into” half as many times over the course of 17 yrs

 

On the occasions when I have seen him in stores, he shops/browses in the same aisles as I do, often with an empty cart or no cart, and as soon as I leave he is right behind me. How "coincidental". And I'm sure surveillence footage would show him peeking around the corners of aisles if I go to a different area.

 

As far as him showing up when I walked to my carport in 1998, it’s kind of “odd” that just as I walk out, there he is. I think he had been waiting and watching – parked down the street

 

As far as currently, I think he sees me at bus stops, then follows me to whatever store I go to. The reason I think he has stalked other women is that he knows exactly how far to go – he lurks, watches, then pops up. No, he has not threatened me (otherwise I would have taken more serious action). No, I have not seen him lurking around my apt bldg – he is too smart for that. And I'm sure he would call all these encounters "coincidences", as you have suggested. (By the way, I’ve alerted my landlord/owner of the building to let me know and call the police if he sees the guy

 

You asked if I have seen him near my home. Well, yeah. After the last "coincidental encounter" I saw him circling the block several times - that's what I called the police

 

Someone suggested I find a couple guys to bust his kneecaps. But, even if I was the type to do that, (which I’m not) it could be traced back to me and then I would be the one to get prosecuted. Besides, they say if you want a job done right, best to do it yourself. (j/k)

 

Another idea was to fight back, in a manner of speaking. Somehow find the correct spelling of his last name, then send anonymous typed notes to his wife, grown kids, neighbors, etc. letting them know what a creep he is. I think he is probably retired now (just guessing by his appearance and age range) and also he has lots of free time during the day – so trying to send a note to his employer/co-workers would not work. He drives a very expensive car, so at some point he has been successful, apparently. He is now in his mid-60s, dresses nice, and has a smarmy grin. In grocery store he positions himself in such a way so that we run into/pass each other and he usually hums/sings to try to get me to look at him. Pathetic.

 

Obviously he has felt secure all these years – i.e., he has not seen me with a man (aside from maybe a friend or relative) and since nothing has happened to him (aside from visit from police), he seems unphased. But I doubt he will stop, he will just be more careful. That creeps me out.

Edited March 23, 2013 by applej4