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Relationships under a year, how long did it take for you to get over them?

doubleornothing

By doubleornothing
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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doubleornothing Member

doubleornothing

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We (28, 29) were barely dating for a year, but we fell in love...it's been 4 months since we broke up and just over a month since all the typical to and fro-ing afterwards stopped and I'm still nowhere near being over her - I almost feel like it's getting worse.

 

I know she's seeing someone else now, but I feel like that could be a rebound relationship. I'm wondering for those who fell in love but broke up before the year milestone - how long did it take you to get over them, if ever? Share your stories please.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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The length of time is immaterial. The intensity of your commitment is what counts, the circumstances to the break-up, and how it left you at the time..

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doubleornothing Member

doubleornothing

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Ha, I guess that is true...I think it's gotten worse because I was the one who was unsure and then realised only too late that it was my own fault. *Sigh*

Bigcitydreamer Established Member

Bigcitydreamer

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It took me a long time to get over a relationship of 10 months. I would say a year at least and I was the dumpee. Like Taramaiden said it prob depends on many factors. The only time I really got over h was when I found someone else. Then I looked back at him and thought to myself MY GOD what were you thinking!

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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I lost a girl I loved 2 years ago. It was only 6 months, yet I still love and miss her. Often wonder if I/she were in a better frame of mind when we first met, what could have happened. C'est la vie I guess.

 

Agree with Tara above. If only I wasn't Christian Tara :-). Ah what have been...

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Quest4_TheLost Established Member

Quest4_TheLost

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Hi, its also been 4 months for me and we dated about a yr. I'm over it.

I still think of him often wonder what he is up to, because I do still care.

 

But I'm not heartbroken over it anymore. Maybe you loved her more then I loved him.. :)

Everyone is different..

Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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Double,

 

There are many factors that come into play, however what caught my eye was the timeline you stated. You broke up about four months ago, but really only "ended" it, sort-of-speak, about one month ago.

 

Key to our understanding is what was going on during the first three months of the break up.

 

If during those first three months you were not accepting the break up and in denial or living with "hopes" you probably confused matters in your head even more -- I'm making a supposition here. Now that you are one-month into the realities of the situation you are fairly fresh in this realization and the previous three months really don't count for much. In other words you're tortured emotionally and the calendar has little impact on you coming to a healing deadline.

 

Besides the variables that Tara mentions, all stated well, another factor are memories. If your time together was inspiring and unique to you, it brings on a very special meaning and holds a place in your head and your heart. If your EX thinks the same, then the time for both of you to move on completely and free might take a bit longer than a person or couple that did only routine things or typical dating events and nothing really special or unique occurred.

 

If your EX was in love with you but thought you were as normal and routine as sliced bread, it is completely feasible she's still looking for "the one", is out there searching after you two broke up, even though she told you "she loved you". In other words she is NOT rebounding.

 

Without details none of us can hint or suggest she is in a rebound. Once I was in a 1.25 year relationship and I WAS THE REBOUNDee; I only suspected it after a full year. Who would have known -- she hid it well. And I was told "she has never loved anyone as much as me" and "I am the man for the rest of her life". Words are just words; actions speak volumes was the lesson learned.

 

My advice, focus on yourself, post here on LS, seek advice from some of the pros and wise persons on this board and don't watch the calendar -- there is [highlight]NO[/highlight] magical "day countdown" formula.

 

I'm very sorry for the way you feel, I know is awful. It will get better as you work at it.

Edited by Am4Real
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doubleornothing Member

doubleornothing

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Thank you so much for your post - it was extremely insightful. I was the first guy that paid her any proper attention in 6 years and according to mutual friends she had fallen in love with me HARD (I only knew this after we broke up). It was a pretty rocky relationship to be honest but it taught me more about myself than I could have have imagined...if you want the current story, I actually posted about it in another forum here.what would your advice be?

 

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/79121-(29)-Broke-up-with-my-ex-(28)-made-mistake-she-s-moving-on-letter-advice!

Edited by doubleornothing
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