thishurts486 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Hi, I didn't really know where else to turn and thought it would be good to get advice on here. Here is my story - I met my the love of my life in October 2006 when I was 19 and in my final year of college and he was in his final year of university. We met, fell madly in love and were very happy for 5 and a half years. As 2 very caring, loving, ambitious and driven people we were inseparable. We did a long distance relationship for a good 4 years after he left university and I started university where we never had any problems. I then graduated from university in 2010 and moved in with him. I was very happy for the first year where I worked locally to where we were both living however, once I landed a good job in London and started perusing my own ambitions things changed. I started questioning whether I was missing out on something (typical grass is greener syndrome) and where my boyfriend was all I'd ever known I started to wonder and question if I was settling. This was also heightened by the fact that I was unhappy were we were living. I had a 2.5 hour commute every day to the office and also felt as a young couple in our 20's we shouldn't be living in a quiet, rural village. My other biggest problem was that I was forever comparing myself to other friends the same age as me and felt like I should be following there pattern and doing what they were doing. I stared to think in my own head I wanted to end the relationship instead of talking to my boyfriend about how I was feeling. The final confirmation came that I had to leave was when another guy paid me some attention whilst away with work. Nothing happened with the guy apart from some excessive flirting and texting. I've never cheated and I wasn't about to start now and knew I had to end my relationship. So I ended it in January 2012, telling my boyfriend exactly what I've told you here. I moved out, stayed with a friend in London until I found my own place and did all the things I thought I wanted. I dated, had a one night stand, partied hard and settled into London life which is what I thought all 25-26 year olds 'should' be doing. During this time me and my ex remained friends and occasionally saw each other, I did feel like he was 'waiting for me' to get whatever this was out of my system. After about 6-7 months I stared to feel a void in my life and had a sweeping realisation that actually I wanted to be with my boyfriend forever and all those other things I thought I wanted were bull****. I made contact and we had a number of discussions about what went wrong and wanted to get back together. Come August/Sept 2012 we got back together. We were both very cautious at the start but eventually we got back into a place were we were comfortable and together again. Now how the tables have turned. He told me on Tuesday he thought things didn't feel the same with us, he has conflicting feelings about what we are now and is confused about what he wants and needs to be on his own right now. So where I had my panic a year ago it seems he is now having one. I realise I have to respect his decision for wanting to break-up, after all I had the same feelings a year ago and he let me go. He says letting me go was the hardest thing he's ever had to do and now I have to try and do the same so he can figure out his own head. But how do I let him go? What if he doesn't find his way back to me? What if I'm not his future? Have we damaged our relationship so much now to the point of no return? I'm on day 2 of what I can only describe as the most unbearable pain I have ever experienced. It's truly ironic as this is exactly how he must have felt when I left. I know I need to just leave him be, but I'm finding it so difficult. He's willing to meet up next week to talk but is that such a good idea? Nothing I can say is going to change his mind therefore, meeting will just cause me more heartache. I've asked him if he still loves me but he's not answered the question as I guess he doesn't know the answer to that. If the answer is no, this really is terrifying as I'm so in love with him. Do I get on with my life the best I can and 'wait' for him...? Or do I tell myself that this is the end and try to accept it...?
cavalier99 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Sorry your hurting. You let it go one day at a time and with pure NC. Cav
KatZee Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Well I mean, you dumped him and you guys remained "friends." He essentially waited around for you and you came back. It's up to you what you really feel like doing. I'm not sure complete NC by kicking him out of your life is going to do any good, I'm assuming things are going to go back to the way they were when YOU were out doing your thing. So expect him to be partying, dating, one night standing, and living it up. Will he come back to you? No one knows. If you guys are meant to find each other after growing as individuals you will. But there's also a chance that he may not come around. If he needs the space then I'd just give it to him. I'd keep LC in this situation. There are no hard feelings here, and you guys were mature enough to be civil when you left so I'm sure that will happen again. Just know there's a chance you may see him date a new woman and that new woman may potentially become a significant girlfriend. I guess just cross that bridge when you get to it. For now, don't initiate any contact. Give him the space he needs, don't do any of the begging/pleading etc etc., i'm sure you know that. Be as kind to him as he was to you when you did this. No spite or snarky comments, etc. Leave him with good memories of you.
denxnis Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 You seem intelligent and you pretty much answered your own question, there is nothing you can say/do to change his mind... My personal opinion: If someone was able to exit my life and try out other men, well I could never fully trust and/or be myself around them again. That innocence, that spark is gone. You may try to fix things but it will never be the way it once was.
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