mallory.song Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I'm going through a painful breakup because my bf cheated (according to my standards) on me. There are times when I doubt whether I should give him a second chance or not. I'm so confused. Perhaps it's because I'm conflicted about my betrayal while being in love. At the same time, I want to keep my self respect and dignity. So it feels like there should be some ground rules on taking a cheater back. I read a good article on Madame Noire and I agree on a lot of things they said. I was curious what you think a cheater should do for a second chance... or if they don't deserve one at all. What should a cheater do to get you back?
Foxy Brown Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 For me, the second the person I'm in a relationship with either lays a hand on me or cheats on me, that person is gone. I consider myself to be reasonable and fairly flexible, so if I'm not meeting my partner's needs (emotionally, sexually, etc.), I expect my partner to speak to me about it. Cheating is not an option in a relationship. I read your linked article and disagree with a lot of it. There's no way to know if the cheater discontinued contact with the person s/he cheated with, and I certainly don't have time to be constantly checking up on my partner. I'm not Nancy Drew and don't want to be. And while it would be fun at first to have my rear kissed, I can wash my own car and fix my own toilet, thanks. No amount of groveling is going to change the fact that s/he cheated. I also enjoy time to myself, so the idea of being practically joined at the hip to a brown nosing sycophant with a possible STD is unappealing to me. To answer your question, then, unless my cheating partner can somehow find a time machine, go back in time and erase the infidelity, there's nothing that can be done. Well, maybe they can kiss my @$$ on the way out.... 1
NapoleonNotSheep Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Well as far as I know once a cheater always a cheater. Because my father cheated on my mom when I was baby and he wanted to go with that slut but she dumped his ass. And my mom took him back after all he has done. Then 15 years later here we go again he cheated and now has kid with this other bitch. I know you love him so it is hard to break up. I am in the same boat as you. I know I would be thinking about if he will do this again or not and if this time he will really be faithful and tell you truth all the time. If he would really love you he wouldn't do what he has done. No matter how drunk you are or drugged you feel and know who your true love is and you wouldn't cheat on her. But you need to know that probably you are sexy to him and there is so much other women and he can see them attractive. Like you probably find other men attractive because I doubt he is photo model or something. But in my eyes no matter how attractive other women is I would never cheat on my gf and I would stay with her because love is much more of a value to me than looks. 1
Njeanne Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 My take on cheaters... If you truelly love someone the word "cheating, affair" or even looking at a different woman/man would never cross your mind "dictionary". Even if you don't love your SO anymore...break up, then go get laid by someone else, no point dragging someone else in it. I believe in mistakes, I give mistakes a second chance, but my trust would have a permanent wound, so in which it would be pointless to spend so much energy in a second chance. I agree with above poster in a sense that once someone cheats, they will do it again, even when they claim that they will never do. Past is past, future is yet to come, present is important but the wound has been made.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I would not take her back. As a matter of fact, when I had proof: I did not take her back. It hurt like the nineth layer of hell, but...I had too. Second chances, is great show of mercy and forgiveness. I cannot show that kind of mercy to someone who wouldn't show me mercy. Where was their mercy? When they where screwing around? But those that do: You have a remarkable gift of forgiveness and mercy...
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