Hope737 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I broke up with my ex girlfriend in late January due to her cheating on me. But now I'm not sure if what she did was cheating. I knew she was talking to her ex boyfriend on webcam, doing sexual things together and exchanging pictures and videos. The painful thing is, she doesn't know that I know these things so she thinks the relationship ended with me being angry at her for no reason. Now she's getting on with her life, not a care in the world. She still wants to be friends even though I did the breaking up (Which I regret every day, it makes me feel sick to think that I lost her). I don't know how to handle being just friends with her, every time I see her my old feelings come back. Oh yeah, we even work together, great, no escape. She's getting on with her life, going to the gym, seeing friends, pretty much having a great time. Here's what I've been up to: Every day spent wishing we were back together. Drinking excessively, smoking, getting angry at myself etc. I can't even go out with friends as she'll be there, we share friends, fantastic! I've been seeing a counsellor every week which helps a little, but as soon as I leave I just go straight back into self destruct mode. Oh and tonight I've booked to see an escort, my life is all roses! I'm NOT looking for pity as I know I've brought this on myself, I just wanted to get all my feelings out on here. I just cannot get over how she seems so happy and here's me practically destroying myself as I cannot see a way out. It'd be easier if we hadn't known eachother for so long. We're 23 now and we've known eachother since we were 14. Every day is a constant battle against my emotions, feeling the same crappy way every single day. I cannot see a life without my ex in it and it hurts beyond words. Words cannot describe this rut that I'm in. A dark place indeed.
Melrapuo Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I broke up with my ex girlfriend in late January due to her cheating on me. But now I'm not sure if what she did was cheating. I knew she was talking to her ex boyfriend on webcam, doing sexual things together and exchanging pictures and videos. Ill clear this up for you here. She cheated. She may not have had physical sex with her ex, but doing any sort of sexual things with someone else other than her bf is cheating. No doubt in my mind. And it would have eventually led to something physical. So you did the right thing. IThe painful thing is, she doesn't know that I know these things so she thinks the relationship ended with me being angry at her for no reason. Now she's getting on with her life, not a care in the world. She still wants to be friends even though I did the breaking up (Which I regret every day, it makes me feel sick to think that I lost her). I don't know how to handle being just friends with her, every time I see her my old feelings come back. Oh yeah, we even work together, great, no escape. She's getting on with her life, going to the gym, seeing friends, pretty much having a great time. Here's what I've been up to: Every day spent wishing we were back together. Drinking excessively, smoking, getting angry at myself etc. I can't even go out with friends as she'll be there, we share friends, fantastic! I've been seeing a counsellor every week which helps a little, but as soon as I leave I just go straight back into self destruct mode. Oh and tonight I've booked to see an escort, my life is all roses! I'm NOT looking for pity as I know I've brought this on myself, I just wanted to get all my feelings out on here. I just cannot get over how she seems so happy and here's me practically destroying myself as I cannot see a way out. It'd be easier if we hadn't known eachother for so long. We're 23 now and we've known eachother since we were 14. Every day is a constant battle against my emotions, feeling the same crappy way every single day. I cannot see a life without my ex in it and it hurts beyond words. Words cannot describe this rut that I'm in. A dark place indeed. It's a good thing to seek counseling. I go 1-2 times a week and it helps a lot. You have to give yourself time. Right now you feel like you have no control, but you do. You always have. You just have to realize that all of your feelings and actions are done by YOU and no one else. Cut back on the smoking, drinking, etc. in the end you don't want that. You want to make yourself feel better. It's tough, and we've all been there. But it's not impossible at all. You're romanticizing what could have been, but it didn't work that way. And if you stuck with it, you would've still been miserable. Be glad you made your decision cuz it was the right one 1
cdt76 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 She cheated. Be it emotional or physical, the things she did is cheating. You should tell her you know and that's why you broke it off, because she is a liar and a cheater and you deserve better. And screw her. YOU need to move on. She will be a liar and a cheater her whole life and only a traumatic event will cause her to change. You did the right thing. Additionally, 2 things to point out. 1) She is faking it around you so that she appears not to hurt. 2) You did yourself a favor by getting out now because she would have cheated on you in the future.
Foxy Brown Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 You don't know that she's happy. She could be putting on an act, for all you know. I'm dealing with some heavy emotions after my break up and going NC, but I've been going out, doing things I enjoy, smiling and even laughing. People who don't know me probably think I'm doing fine, even though I feel pretty torn up inside. Stop concerning yourself with whether she's happy or not. There's no way to know and it's irrelevant. You need to focus on yourself. In any case, she didn't care about or respect you enough to not get sexual (webcam or not) with her ex, so it stands to reason that she'd have no qualms going out on the town and living it up after the break up. But that's irrelevant. I'm sure you know that drinking is about as effective as placing a band-aid on a 9 inch gash in your skin. Once you sober up, and you will, the problems will still be there. I'm glad that you're getting counseling, and you should stick with it. Try to find distractions by doing things you enjoy and that make you feel good. Take up a sport or a new hobby. Do something that you've always wanted to but haven't tried yet. I know you feel pretty miserable right now, but after time passes you will be able to see a life without your ex. Ride it out as best you can and don't prolong your misery by polluting your body and mind. Be strong and if you can't, lean on your counselor for help.
Author Hope737 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks for the words guys, I guess I've got to understand I'm not alone but it is extremely difficult. Working together will not be easy but it has to be done I guess. I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully one day it'll shine through!
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