Woggle Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I have always gotten along better with misfits and non conformists than your typical cool people. Even in high school they were not the types I wanted to hang out with.
RedRobin Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 If you don't have friends, then you're pretty much screwed when it comes to dating women. I've never seen a loner do well with women unless he was attractive. That's why introverts who have few friends or aren't the life of the party don't do well with women. I know plenty of introverts who have friends. They are kind, considerate people. Sure, it takes longer to get to know them... but they take care of and cultivate their friendships. There are plenty of extroverts who have shallow acquaintances and not good friends. They are able to churn through people because they are so charming. No matter their exterior... I always look for people whom have cultivated and maintained friendships over many years. 1
RedRobin Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 This is why I believe that guys who do not have a social circle of friends and acquaintances should not be dating women. You don't have to be popular or the "life of the party", but social status DOES matter. Social competence matters, as well as the guy's ability to be fun and be himself in a variety of situations including in a group of friends. Many women like well-connected men. It is a red flag and possibly a dealbreaker to most people of either gender if you don't have friends or otherwise seem awkward in social situations. Those are problems that one should have dealt with while they were still kids. I agree with this... but I'll mention it another way... friendship is part of a loving romantic relationship too. Being able to find and keep friends is a skills necessary for the next stage of intimacy... It is never too late to start though. One of my good friends was very socially awkward when I first met him... but he had a funny streak in him that just needed cultivating. He started volunteering to help out with improv... took some classes. He joined a running club and got to know people through some of those activities. I don't imagine he'll ever be the 'life of the party'... but he did manage to make his way into being an active member of the improv group and he has some very solid friendships now. He has been with his current girlfriend for over a year... she's a sweetheart too. Learning how to make friends is a skill people can learn....
dizy Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I would never date anyone who treats their friends badly. I had this one guy interested in me who humiliated his bestf in front of me and my friends just to look cool. No need to mention that I left without looking back. I don't understand why wouldn't men value this more. But, people stay who they are. if a man or a woman is not able to have a balance social life and healthy friendships, why should I think that he/she will be a good partner? Maybe he/she will be very nice/caring to you at the beginning during the "honey moon" phase, but they will gradually reveal who they are and treat you the way how they treat their friends/family members. Your friends/social circles reveal a lot about you. If all your friends are lazy, ambitious, snob or other negative things that she considers as a deal breaker then obviously she will think that you somehow share the same trait. I personally give a lot of importance to how and who does a person hang out with. It is definitively a huge hint to whether we are going to be compatible 1
PJKino Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 AS a man its tough if youre a laid back guy women get moist by the life of the party loud dudes
2sure Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I just like to get dressed up more than usual. That's The only reason. 1
tbf Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm looking for consistency. How they interact with others gives me a different view of their personality. For me it has nothing to do with 'status' or 'confidence' or anything else. I don't think one-on-ones are the ideal way to get to know someone. It is too easy to be a BS-er one-on-one. I recommend (to women especially)... don't agree to be intimate with a man until you see how he interacts with others in a variety of situations.For sure. Social situations particularly with long-time friends, are an excellent venue for observing long-term behaviour in the prospective.
jcrew11 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I wouldn't say it decreases. I think it takes the attraction up a notch. Like if she is a 10 on the attracted scale, she takes it up to an 11. It puts them on a temporary high. Granted, I am the leader of my social circle, so maybe it has to do with the ability to lead. At the same time, I lead when it's one on one, so I don't get why she wouldn't have that same reaction in a one on one situation. Perhaps I'm looser and more relaxed when I'm with my friends as opposed to one on one scenarios? Maybe that plays a part. Using friends or your social circle to make you look good is commonly called "Social Proof" - When a female sees her Boyfriend being a leader and having friends who respect Him, it validates her choice of mate, and increases her desire to maintain that connection and relationship with the male, because his peers have proven that he is a "Good Guy worth keeping around." 1
chex Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) AS a man its tough if youre a laid back guy women get moist by the life of the party loud dudes You can be the silent, strong type. But that's a whole different level of sexy. And it's hard to pull off. Generally just happens in movies. Edited March 22, 2013 by chex
Revolver Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Great thread IMO there's FAR more pressure on men to have great personalities, have great conversation/social skills, and generally be interesting than women. What I'm saying is women can get away with being "boring" or being "shy"(and still be successful when it comes to dating)much more then men can. Edited March 30, 2013 by Revolver 1
Philosopher Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Firstly it is down to social proof. If a guy is popular and has many friends it indicates that they have good social skills and that others regard the guy as fun and interesting to be around. Therefore the women will not want to miss a bit of the action. Secondly, it gives women something to gossip about, your friends personal lives make for interesting conversation fodder.
tuxedo cat Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Social charm has always been a huge turn on for me, although it has be the right brand of charm. I can't stand obnoxious, class clown/life of the party types. I also get irritated by men who have a borderline cheesy response to everything. This type may grab attention of a certain demographic but to me they seem socially inept. I love guys who are charming in a smart way--articulate, funny, animated and commanding. Everyone around them quiets down when they speak. Real charm is rare. A lot of the guys I've met who think they are socially smooth actually aren't. It seems to be hard-wired into women to gravitate toward socially adept men. 1
Poppy fields Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 I haven't read one thing on this thread, but I know I have been taken in by the cool confidence of a man in a social situation. I once dated the coxswain of a boat one summer. There would always be parties on deck after their work day. He was so, so charming. I lowered a lot of inhibitions with him because I was so taken with him. Not in love, but with the adventure of it all. He introduced me to sex in public places. This was beyond hot. We even had sex once in a Banyan Tree on a busy corner in Key West. Exhilarating! Glad I wasn't arrested before he dumped me.
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