MrCastle Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I understand in order for either sex to be successful at dating, working knowledge of social norms and understandings is pretty much required. We all value someone who is competent socially. Someone who can handle a conversation when meeting new people, knowing what topics to talk about, etc etc, but it seems in my experience, women place a higher value on this than men. I have a friend who used to be with his girlfriend for 7 years (they recently broke up), anyway, we'd always have get togethers where his guy friends would mingle with her girlfriends. Without fail, he'd text me the next day telling me that her girlfriends were raving about how cool his friends are and blah blah blah. I've also had several situations where women get more turned on when they're hanging out with me and some of my friends and they get to see how I act in their presence. I'm usually goofy and whatnot, as I'm not trying to impress my friends or look cool or anything. But if I'm goofy when it's just me and her, I don't get the same feedback. I've also had several women ask me when they're gonna meet my friends or ask to hang out when I'm with my friends. I just feel like women place a lot of value on men who can be the life of the party and I'm not entirely sure why. I understand it shows the girl you can have a good time and all that stuff, but still, this seems more important to women than men.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Confidence. It's the only currency in this game that truly matters. 2
Author MrCastle Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Confidence. It's the only currency in this game that truly matters. But aren't there other ways to show confidence besides social interactions? 1
carhill Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Emotional stimulation. It's that ball of wire thing. Everything is connected to everything else. 2
SteveC80 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 It's about social status Whether its the jock or popular kids in high school to the sucessful businessman women want soembody whos the head of the group so to speak and popular and in demand from others it makes the women in turn feel special Ive had married women tell me their turned on by how im the leader of my social circle and how the other men respect me it turns women on for whatever reason AS you said as men we could care less about that stuff with women
SteveC80 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 But aren't there other ways to show confidence besides social interactions? When women say "confidence" they mean social confidence nothing else 2
Author MrCastle Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 When women say "confidence" they mean social confidence nothing else It just boggles me how many times women say "I want to meet your friends!" or ask me to tell them stories about the adventures my friends and I have. It should be about who I am. Not my friends or what I do with them/how I interact with them. 6
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I understand in order for either sex to be successful at dating, working knowledge of social norms and understandings is pretty much required. We all value someone who is competent socially. Someone who can handle a conversation when meeting new people, knowing what topics to talk about, etc etc, but it seems in my experience, women place a higher value on this than men. I have a friend who used to be with his girlfriend for 7 years (they recently broke up), anyway, we'd always have get togethers where his guy friends would mingle with her girlfriends. Without fail, he'd text me the next day telling me that her girlfriends were raving about how cool his friends are and blah blah blah. I've also had several situations where women get more turned on when they're hanging out with me and some of my friends and they get to see how I act in their presence. I'm usually goofy and whatnot, as I'm not trying to impress my friends or look cool or anything. But if I'm goofy when it's just me and her, I don't get the same feedback. I've also had several women ask me when they're gonna meet my friends or ask to hang out when I'm with my friends. I just feel like women place a lot of value on men who can be the life of the party and I'm not entirely sure why. I understand it shows the girl you can have a good time and all that stuff, but still, this seems more important to women than men. a guy being the life of the party is not the guy i would gravitate towards......i woudl gravitate towards the one that came to see what i was cooking in the kitchen at said party...e.very woman is different its useless trying to box male or females likes or dislikes....just not possible too diverse...i would talk to the guy who had guts enough to approach me in any situation....checkout line....party.....i dont approach..only in rare situations.......i have rarely needed too.........deb
ls32ssibm Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Social butterfly girls are the most untrustworthy type of girl you could possible date, I would advise you avoid them anyway. I'm guessing because they have a ton of options and a ton of people interfering in their relationships with "advice". Just my experience. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Women are more social than men, our brains are hard wired for it. True and this should serve as advice to the shy/struggling men. Most women love to talk and are fine doing most of the talking. Get a convo started and chime in now and then and if a story/something she says reminds you of something jump in and tell your story. 1
PogoStick Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Because we evolved out of small tribes in a harsh world. Being social is bred into our genes. A man with a tribe can provide food and safety for his woman. Instinctively she cannot resist this.
Emilia Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 It just boggles me how many times women say "I want to meet your friends!" or ask me to tell them stories about the adventures my friends and I have. It should be about who I am. Not my friends or what I do with them/how I interact with them. When you get older and date older women, this will change. Older/more experienced people in general are more confident at making decisions about someone based on less interaction and information.
sweetjasmine Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I understand in order for either sex to be successful at dating, working knowledge of social norms and understandings is pretty much required. We all value someone who is competent socially. Someone who can handle a conversation when meeting new people, knowing what topics to talk about, etc etc, but it seems in my experience, women place a higher value on this than men. Romantic relationships are social relationships, so, yes, it is very important that someone have social skills in order to maintain a healthy social romantic relationship with another. Women are raised and socialized to be more interested in cultivating and maintaining all sorts of social relationships, so they tend to place more value on it. It should be about who I am. Not my friends or what I do with them/how I interact with them. Friends are an important part of who you are. You can't just separate the two. You can learn a lot about somebody by who they're friends with and how they interact around them. Besides, friends do become a part of the relationship in some way. If I didn't like any of my H's friends or get along with his best friend from childhood, we'd have a problem. 2
lino Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Gossip is the backbone of most womens lives. It's not for nothing that all womens magazines focus on which celebrity is f*cking, divorcing, cheating with, marrying, etc with which. 2
RedRobin Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I'm looking for consistency. How they interact with others gives me a different view of their personality. For me it has nothing to do with 'status' or 'confidence' or anything else. I don't think one-on-ones are the ideal way to get to know someone. It is too easy to be a BS-er one-on-one. I recommend (to women especially)... don't agree to be intimate with a man until you see how he interacts with others in a variety of situations. 5
TouchedByViolet Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Women are wired to love social interactions. They enjoy gossiping, drama and are hypercritical of their own gender's looks. It is for the most part ingrained in their genes. This can make it very difficult for men with basic social skills to succeed. Not to say looks, personality, and intelligence don't play a role as well.
ThaWholigan Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Girls basically like guys who seem fun, and in a social situation is probably the easiest time to demonstrate that with confidence. It does depend on your friends and the strength of your social circle (synergy, status, demographic).
colombiana28 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I'm looking for consistency. How they interact with others gives me a different view of their personality. For me it has nothing to do with 'status' or 'confidence' or anything else. I don't think one-on-ones are the ideal way to get to know someone. It is too easy to be a BS-er one-on-one. I recommend (to women especially)... don't agree to be intimate with a man until you see how he interacts with others in a variety of situations. Agreed. I've dated awkward men, and it's so much less stress to be with someone who can carry on a conversation with a stranger or group of people and actually have it flow and be interesting. I'll admit, charming men and players are by far the best at charming a room (obviously), probably because they know how to feign interest better. But I do too. I'm very charming with strangers. All I want is someone who can hold their own without slinking off into a corner and staring at their smart phone for an hour.
TheGuard13 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Girls love it when men compete for them, and there's a type of competition for the girls' attention that goes on in a lot of social situations. At least I'm sure that's how many girls see it. Usually it's just the guys being silly.
Babolat Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) I get this all the time from my gf; that watching me socialize really turns her on. She recently came to my work office to wait for me. I was giving one of my direct reports some direction on a project. She later told me that really turned her on. It's not about being the life of the party either; it's just watching me socialize she says. At a bar, with her family, with my friends, male and female, in a store, etc. Edited March 21, 2013 by Babolat 1
TouchedByViolet Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I don't get the appeal of being very social, I have to force myself to do it a lot of times. Then I just feel like I am going through the motions. Maybe because I am such an introvert and independent. Most people have nothing important to say and I don't care for their company. Not only am I not particularly skilled in social settings but most often I find them boring after a short while. I don't care who said what or to talk about nothing for hours... I have friends who I enjoy being with and don't care for random discussions among most people. Seems that women want men who excel in social settings.
Emilia Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I have friends who I enjoy being with and don't care for random discussions among most people. Seems that women want men who excel in social settings. It depends on the person and I do think it depends on age too as I touched on this earlier. I'm more like you. I get bored with small chit chat - though I enjoy sitting back and listening to banter when I'm out with my colleagues for example. I solve this by going out with friends on activities (ie watching or doing sports together) rather than just to sit and chat. I like men who are similar 1
jcrew11 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 It just boggles me how many times women say "I want to meet your friends!" or ask me to tell them stories about the adventures my friends and I have. It should be about who I am. Not my friends or what I do with them/how I interact with them. I think these women "just want to do some investigative background digging" to find out if you are a sketchy guy who hangs out with sketchy friends (womanizers, drunks, losers, druggies, jobless, jerks, other undesirables, etc.). You really can't "Lie about yourself" when you are around longtime male friends. You can lie about yourself to a girl one-on-one, but your friends won't be able to cover for your B.S. especially if you have other girls/wives on the side that you want hidden. Its sort of like meeting "the family" but without as many personal secrets or skeletons. 1
Pompeii Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 If you don't have friends, then you're pretty much screwed when it comes to dating women. I've never seen a loner do well with women unless he was attractive. That's why introverts who have few friends or aren't the life of the party don't do well with women.
Babolat Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Introverts get their energy from within, extroverts get their energy from others. Nothing wrong with either, take pride in which side you fall on, we need both in the world! 1
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