roostin Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, first off I'm Chris and I'm new to this place and pleased to be a part of it. So me and my ex began as roommates and quickly best friends (this already sounds bad, I know) and after she chased me for a long time, I realized she was the girl I always wanted. It turned into an amazing relationship. She treated me like a king and gave a new passion for life. We were so alike to the point it was scary, and sex was incredible. Obviously from the beginning we were around each other 24/7 and we meshed perfectly. But after 7 months of dating little silly fights began over money and stress of work and school. I regretfully began taking her for granted and when she tried to express her issues I rarely complied for long. Eventually a misunderstanding had me pack my bags and leave one night. I told her we needed a break. She was devastated for days... but eventually I expressed my regret and we had sex and continued to occasionally date while doing our own thing, promising wed be together again once we let all this stress go. We talked almost everyday... then one day she called me expressing her problems with other guys, and that one of my best friends of 6 years had been flirting with her passive-aggressively and she was feeling some tension. Looking back, this was probably just a ploy to see if id even care.... but the fact I had regretfully given this guy a home and a job when he got kicked out of the navy (he clearly always had feelings for her but it was obvious she didnt care for him the same way) I exploded into a monster on both of them. After all, this guy had never had a girlfriend and was pussy shy as hell... why my recent ex? I fell apart. Yet she pleaded nothing would happen between them and there was nothing to worry about. This big fight led to her crying and confessing she felt I never loved her, that I quit doing the little things. She told me I was amazing and the girl I marry will be incredibly lucky, but its not her... and she knew this from her last ex who showered her in affection but she never loved him enough to return it. she wanted to be appreciated by someone again. She told me she was still attracted to me and would love me for long time but not the same way. That we should be friends and the break was permanent... yet she couldnt see herself in another relationship with anyone for at least 6 months after us. I was instantly devastated-- but I never begged for her back, knew that wouldnt work. Just agreed that a relationship couldnt work right now but I loved her still and friendship was impossible for a long time. I went nc. 2 weeks later she told me she needed a ride to school and wanted me to stay over. Since I was starting to feel like a dick and had realized the only way to get her back was to start showing her I did care, so I helped her... and when I got there she was bawling. She confessed that her and my ****ty best buddy had drunkly kissed and the next day he told her he was bored with her. She cried like never before in my lap, trying to hold me telling me she was sorry and she had to tell me. After lots of fighting we held each other until we fell asleep confessing regrets and pain. I dropped her off the next day and the rage came back tenfold. I felt like a tool for even stayong over. Everytime we spoke, we fought about our feelings... and I realized I was going crazy over this. I told her deep down i knew she wanted me back and i had wanted to do everything i could to show her I truely loved her and she threw all my desire away by choosing that loser of all dudes. To which she said "who said i didnt want you back?" But I was too disgusted. By the time I became myself again and appologized for everything and I agreed on everything with her, she angrily told me one day she resented me for everything and had no regrets..... then a few hours later asked if I wanted to have dinner? I went, she seemed really awkward the whole time but enjoyed it until i became irritated. When we got to her place she sat on her bed and asked if to wanted to talk about things. I told her not to worry and left. I realized theres no hope as long as anger is still between us and decided to go NC. She texted me that morning, I replied hours later. She said "dont ignore me" and I explained I was just busy. For about 3 weeks we barely talked... yet i never ignored her. until one night she drunkenly texted saying she wanted to hang out. We were both out and about and she told me she wanted to go home and cuddle to watch a movie, and when I told her Id drop by a while she changed her mind and said she was staying where she was and didnt want to "irritate me" like last time. I calmly told her that was cool and didnt talk to her again for a few days after. I texted her because she still had most of my stuff at her place (insisted I could come get them when I find a new place.) And that we should chill. She blew me off for days, was very short, and told me told me one night I was rude and an ******* for ignoring her. To which I replied: "Well typically indifference is the sign youre truely over somebody. Most people dont give two ****s that their ex doesnt talk to them. I took your word that you were "sooo over me" and decided try and move on with my life, and that makes me an *******. An ******* you almost cuddled and watched a movie with last weekend when you were ****housed. But I missed you too, goodnight " Today she replied much more talkatively telling me I should wait to get my stuff till tomorrow so that she has time to be there to see me and help pack my stuff. what??? Complete turn-around. So sorry for the lengthy post, but I had to include all the drama to get the story right. I realized my mistakes and love this girl A LOT. I dream about her every night almost... nobody has ever had this effect on me. Starting out living together and knowing she was attracted to me from the get go was not a good plan for love. She was always available a ro away and I never had to chase her, and I feel this is why I never showed her the work she deserved. I want a second chance to give her my all, because after two months I realize its not just a case of me wanting what I cant have. So, can anyone her decipher this girl? She posted songs on her fb page that were about the pain of moving on and still being lost in love, clearly directed at me. She still gives me long lost stares when im not looking and has nothing against touching me or hugging me when she can. What kind of ex asks their old significant other to dinner and insists to cuddle them to sleep when they completely resent that person? After all the fighting we've been through why would she be pissed I went NC? I also have a feeling shes seeing someone but at no point has she tried to make that obvious. I cant tell if she truely loves me or just wants to see me burn alive.. how do I fix this one? Edited March 21, 2013 by roostin
Calvin's wagon Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Hi:) Welcome to this site:) I just saw your post and saw that no one has replied yet. Sorry for that. And I'm sorry to read about your situation. When I read your post, I couldn't figure out a couple of things, so I'd appreciate if you could answer them. Maybe I missed sth in the post... 1.) Did she ever do sth with the other guy (you mentioned he only kissed her and nothing else happened?) while you two were together and "exclusive"? Do you feel like she cheated on you? 2.) I'm trying to figure out where is all this "rage"/"anger" that you're talking about coming from. From feeling like she cheated on you, or from sth else (maybe something more happened with that guy & lied,...)? 3.) How old (at least approximately) are you two? 4.) Have you had a serious, mature talk with her recently about you two getting back together? A talk to clear out what has been bothering both of you, what each of you are willing to do to stop all this drama and problems from reoccurring, what each of you wants the other to work on? Because, to be honest (and I might very well be wrong here), from where I'm looking I think there will be lots of drama between you two if you stay in touch, and both of you have to try to work on finding out the roots of all this drama behaviour and dealing with them. Because if both of you aren't willing to put a lot of effort into changing stuff, I don't think it will work and in that case breaking up permanently (and cutting off ties, moving on) might be better. I don't wish to be mean, pessimistic or anything, I'm just speaking from my own experience with such drama filled relationships.... Well, so much from me for now, I hope others will give their advice. I'm still trying to figure out life, relationships, etc., and I wouldn't want to give you "bad" advice. Best wishes in any case!
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