cindyloo Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 It's been about 1.5 months of NC and I am only slightly better. I have dreamt vivid dreams about him for the past four nights in a row. When I wake up, I feel like I have spent the whole night with him. The dreams are always about me running into him, and him saying he is willing to be friends. Then we hang out, and while things are not back to the way they were, I enjoy spending time with him. During the day, I am haunted by memories of him. I want to stop but I can't. I also feel compelled to write about him (I'm a writer) often. It's how I cope with my feelings, but I'm trying not to do that because it makes me feel connected to him. We are not connected on social media anymore but I ocassionally look at his profile picture. I feel like even though we are not connected anymore, we are both in pain and I assume he misses me also. This makes me feel like we are still connected in a way. I think he still has feelings for me although I know he is trying to move on (I heard from friends that he has been trying to meet people online dating). How can I forget about him if I can't stop DREAMING about him? Everyday I wake up with him on my mind. Ugh, I know there is probably no real advice that anyone give me. I just don't know how to cope with this. I feel like I will never get better and can't appreciate life as much as I should.
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Dear Cindy, During the six week of strict NC, has he tried to reach you and you ignored his attempts? It's been about 1.5 months of NC and I am only slightly better. I have dreamt vivid dreams about him for the past four nights in a row. When I wake up, I feel like I have spent the whole night with him. The dreams are always about me running into him, and him saying he is willing to be friends. Then we hang out, and while things are not back to the way they were, I enjoy spending time with him. During the day, I am haunted by memories of him. I want to stop but I can't. I also feel compelled to write about him (I'm a writer) often. It's how I cope with my feelings, but I'm trying not to do that because it makes me feel connected to him. We are not connected on social media anymore but I ocassionally look at his profile picture. I feel like even though we are not connected anymore, we are both in pain and I assume he misses me also. This makes me feel like we are still connected in a way. I think he still has feelings for me although I know he is trying to move on (I heard from friends that he has been trying to meet people online dating). How can I forget about him if I can't stop DREAMING about him? Everyday I wake up with him on my mind. Ugh, I know there is probably no real advice that anyone give me. I just don't know how to cope with this. I feel like I will never get better and can't appreciate life as much as I should.
JTG Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Hey there! Sorry you are still hurting and the dreaming thing can turn out to be a real nightmare that drags on all through the day. If dreams about him is upsetting you and causing you pain, maybe start to read up on it. Go to the book store or iTunes and get a book on dreams. It would be cool to start to learn about the subconscious and take your mind off him and focus on learning something new. For the feelings, think about how it was in the beginning, pretty rough huh? Day by day it gets better, and I am sure you are seeing the progress little by little. Sometimes it is like stopping a train, and feelings will be there on both sides for a bit. Eventually things will fade and scars will heal, but there will always be a part of him with you most likely forever. That part will in some way have made you stronger and better.. Keep your head up! 1
Author cindyloo Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Hey there! Sorry you are still hurting and the dreaming thing can turn out to be a real nightmare that drags on all through the day. If dreams about him is upsetting you and causing you pain, maybe start to read up on it. Go to the book store or iTunes and get a book on dreams. It would be cool to start to learn about the subconscious and take your mind off him and focus on learning something new. For the feelings, think about how it was in the beginning, pretty rough huh? Day by day it gets better, and I am sure you are seeing the progress little by little. Sometimes it is like stopping a train, and feelings will be there on both sides for a bit. Eventually things will fade and scars will heal, but there will always be a part of him with you most likely forever. That part will in some way have made you stronger and better.. Keep your head up! Wow, this actually made me feel a lot better! I guess I need to realize that it's true he will probably always have a place in my heart. I can't just forget him. Realizing this, I now realize why people are so hesitant to fall in love.. But I also really like your idea about learning about the dreams and taking the focus off of him. It would be nice to learn about dreams anyway
Author cindyloo Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Dear Cindy, During the six week of strict NC, has he tried to reach you and you ignored his attempts? No he hasn't tried to contact me at all. He said he did not want to be friends.
Survivor12 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Journaling can be very helpful in dealing with a loss but you are right--there comes a point when it just keeps you focused on what is gone rather than what lies ahead. But also--You need to refrain from looking at his profile and ask your friends to stop telling you about him and his life. Since you do not have actual contact, these things are fodder for your imagination and sub conscience--the place where dreams are created. It would also be helpful to stop hanging on to the belief that you still have some sort of connection with him and that you know what he is feeling or thinking. In order for you to move on, it is necessary to let go. Visualize letting go of the string of a balloon filled with helium. Allow yourself to grieve as you "watch" it float away. In all honesty, it takes more than just time to make it better. It takes making a decision to let go and move on, and the sooner you do, the sooner you will heal. 2
Author cindyloo Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Journaling can be very helpful in dealing with a loss but you are right--there comes a point when it just keeps you focused on what is gone rather than what lies ahead. But also--You need to refrain from looking at his profile and ask your friends to stop telling you about him and his life. Since you do not have actual contact, these things are fodder for your imagination and sub conscience--the place where dreams are created. It would also be helpful to stop hanging on to the belief that you still have some sort of connection with him and that you know what he is feeling or thinking. In order for you to move on, it is necessary to let go. Visualize letting go of the string of a balloon filled with helium. Allow yourself to grieve as you "watch" it float away. In all honesty, it takes more than just time to make it better. It takes making a decision to let go and move on, and the sooner you do, the sooner you will heal. Thank you so much. This is great I advice and I really appreciate it.
Survivor12 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You're welcome, cindyloo...In case you haven't guessed, the advice I offered was learned through experience. It took me a long time to figure out what I needed to do to completely escape the "spiderweb", but once I did, I soon began to feel stronger and was finally able to move on completely. Looking back now, I realize that "holding on" took A LOT more effort than letting go....the emotional stress was exhausting!
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