escape80 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Hi eveyone, I'm in a big trouble. I know this girl (my co-worker) for almost 2 years, but we have been very close to each other for the last three months. We have been chatting and texting 3-4 hours every night until after midnight and talking with each other and having fun at work. We text first thing in the morning. I took her out for dinner few times. It was clear from her body language that she likes me, she laughs at any silly joke I say. We never had any arguments or disareements on anything for the last three months. She was always available when I txt her. We have been sharing very very personal life secrets that we dont normally share with friends. About two weeks ago she asked me on the sms txt : "What's going on with us?" "I'm struggling with it" "She is not clear what I want". So, I replied let's me meet up and talk about this later. She insisted that I tell her at that moment. So, I took a deep breath and told her "that I like you very much" , and she replied that she likes me too , but there were many unclear things to me like "very close friend" "I'm attached to you" "I'm amazing". Then we agreed to meet over the weekend for a dinner. Next day, she changed 180 degrees , she said "She cant date or do any relationship" "she wants my friendship". Since that day she avoids seeing or meeting me, replies back to txt sms 2-3 hours later with very short statements that she's busy and will get back to me later. I.e she comes with any excuse to avoid seeing me. Few days ago she texted saying "Lets start from scratch"!!. I'm totally confused. Any help or advise is appreciated. Thanks,
Estate Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Hi eveyone, I'm in a big trouble. I know this girl (my co-worker) for almost 2 years, but we have been very close to each other for the last three months. We have been chatting and texting 3-4 hours every night until after midnight and talking with each other and having fun at work. We text first thing in the morning. I took her out for dinner few times. It was clear from her body language that she likes me, she laughs at any silly joke I say. We never had any arguments or disareements on anything for the last three months. She was always available when I txt her. We have been sharing very very personal life secrets that we dont normally share with friends. About two weeks ago she asked me on the sms txt : "What's going on with us?" "I'm struggling with it" "She is not clear what I want". So, I replied let's me meet up and talk about this later. She insisted that I tell her at that moment. So, I took a deep breath and told her "that I like you very much" , and she replied that she likes me too , but there were many unclear things to me like "very close friend" "I'm attached to you" "I'm amazing". Then we agreed to meet over the weekend for a dinner. Next day, she changed 180 degrees , she said "She cant date or do any relationship" "she wants my friendship". Since that day she avoids seeing or meeting me, replies back to txt sms 2-3 hours later with very short statements that she's busy and will get back to me later. I.e she comes with any excuse to avoid seeing me. Few days ago she texted saying "Lets start from scratch"!!. I'm totally confused. Any help or advise is appreciated. Thanks, Sounds like you moved too slow. Taking her for dinners but not making them dates? Did you make a move? Did you kiss her? It's unclear from your post. From what I can gather, you didn't... if you had just moved faster when she was interested then things might have been different. As it stands you waited too long, her emotions probably peaked and faded when you weren't manning up. I hate to say it but the more you chase this the worse it will be. I'd focus on someone else.
CryForNoOne Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 She obviously likes you but something is holding her back. Recent breakup? Fear of getting hurt? Concerns about dating someone at the workplace? I would talk to her and find out what it is. I don't think you need to be worried about her not feeling the same way about you. You're actually in a pretty good situation and if you go for it at the right time, you could wind up with something very special...
creighton0123 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Dear totally confused: The moral of the story is..... stop texting so damn much! Seriously. Really. I mean it. I'm not lying. Do not have any serious conversations over text messaging. It's childish and not a proper way to fuel a potentially blossoming relationship because there is zero tone whatsoever (emoticons don't count). 5
PogoStick Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 You have to get her to just be straight up about what her issues are. She is being confusing and no way for us to know what it's about. 1
leegmoser Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 So you've been with her almost 2 years, obviously; you had/have something. Don't back down now. I suggest driving to her house and telling her you need to talk. Or showing up somewhere, where she has to face you. Then simply, explain to her, that you want to make her happy and be the man she used to love. Buy her a necklace or earrings or something... She will most likely appreciate it. If you can see yourself being nothing but miserable with her, then yes; it's most likely time to move on. However, I suggest trying to make it work.
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks eveyone for your replies, really appreciated . Yes we know each other for two years but nothing was serious, until 2-3 months ago. After she ignored me suddenly for one week and not returning my calls/ texts, I did the same and I ignored her back. Then after 4-5 days of non communication, she sent me a text two nights ago , saying "she knows I'm upset with her, and how we make things better" , I replied back "I'm not upset at all". Nex day, I told her fine lets talk tonight, and she didn't get back to me until 11pm, the time she usually goes to sleep! I said there's no point talking at this time, because from my experience with her , she will tell me she wants to sleep 5 minutes later. She hasn't been rude or mean with me at all , however now takes her forever to return a text ! One time, she returned by text 12 hours later. I'm doing the same now too! Cuz her sudden change in behavior is total turn-off. Is she playing games, hard to get OR simply lost interest and trying to find a nice way to tell me leave me alone ! I have no problem with that, if that's what she wants, the problem is she is keeping everything vague for last two weeks. I stopped chasing her, but I want to put an end to this misery!
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 You have to get her to just be straight up about what her issues are. She is being confusing and no way for us to know what it's about. Believe me, that's what I'm trying to get! Im only getting mixed signals!
tbf Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Instead of playing games using text, call her and arrange a face-to-face discussion. If she avoids this, then next her. Games are stupid. 1
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Instead of playing games using text, call her and arrange a face-to-face discussion. If she avoids this, then next her. Games are stupid. That's exactly what's happening ! I tried several times to see her face to face, she comes with a different excuse every time! She even avoids to see me at workplace ! About 10 days ago, I said let's meet up at coffee shop, she said okay. Then next day, 1 hour before the time we are supposed to meet , she said no , I can't , I don't feel comfortable , if we meet tonight you will think that I'm ready to start a relationship and I don't want to fool you! Is she buying time or what?
tbf Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 if we meet tonight you will think that I'm ready to start a relationshipLet me ask you something. Is she right?
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 So you've been with her almost 2 years, obviously; you had/have something. Don't back down now. I suggest driving to her house and telling her you need to talk. Or showing up somewhere, where she has to face you. Then simply, explain to her, that you want to make her happy and be the man she used to love. Buy her a necklace or earrings or something... She will most likely appreciate it. If you can see yourself being nothing but miserable with her, then yes; it's most likely time to move on. However, I suggest trying to make it work. I bought her a watch >$1500 but I'm not finding a chance to give to her!:confused:
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Let me ask you something. Is she right? I don't know what's cooking in her mind or what she really wants!!
tbf Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Let me ask you something. Is she right? I don't know what's cooking in her mind or what she really wants!!To prove you're not a wind up, answer my question.
Author escape80 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 To prove you're not a wind up, answer my question. Trust me, if I know the answer I won't be struggling with this.
Estate Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I bought her a watch >$1500 but I'm not finding a chance to give to her!:confused: Are you insane? You're not even dating this girl! Where are the mixed signals here? She is telling you flat out she doesn't want to be with you but she's obviously afraid of you freaking out because you won't let it go. How attractive do you think all this chasing is? Stop!
Author escape80 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Are you insane? You're not even dating this girl! Where are the mixed signals here? She is telling you flat out she doesn't want to be with you but she's obviously afraid of you freaking out because you won't let it go. How attractive do you think all this chasing is? Stop! Can you analyze these statements: - she's asking me to confess my feelings towards her - she's saying "I like you, but I'm bad jumping on my head first" - so, why you didn't come over (her house) and hang out? - "I love having you in my life" Then 24 hours later I got totally different words! Isn't that crazy!!!
LuckyShades Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 It sounds like she might just want to be friends, but who knows. If i were you i would distance myself from her a little bit; you know not text her for a few days. This lack of contact could make her miss you, and it'll probably drive her crazy wondering why you stopped talking to her.
dasein Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 You are being manipulated. If you like that, fine. Most people don't. Please consider taking the watch back, you will be rewarding manipulative behavior if you give that to her. Moreover such a gift will be considered pressure, which will likely be a turnoff. Good luck.
Estate Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Look... I know its hard to take... but you waited too long... She probably thought at one point what it might be like to get with you but you've been a "friend" too long and now somethings happened it's creeped her out. She obviously thinks you're a good guy but you've been too "friendly" to be seen as a guy she's gonna be with. Dude... it's over... leave it go.
joey.101 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Arcing up and losing patience with her isn't going to do much good if you still aspired to make things work. On the other hand, if she isn't comfortable with you getting emotional she isn't going to be open enough to you. So she's prob not the right one for you if she can't feel like she can be open to you when things get emotional. Or she wants to see that you are persistent - which could result in her having upper field and control you. I hate texting and using FB for the main means of communication. Especially when it comes to things like talking about feelings and stuff. I struggle interpreting the full accuracy of messages. How can you possibly be effective in reading each other if you can't see each other. I'd literally just go straight over and talk it out, and it seems to be the best way. If i can sense i am starting to have a conversation where she's frustrating me or i'm frustrating her, i just go straight over and chill with her and things end up ok.
Author escape80 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I solved the mystery !! I will get back to you with an update
dchin1985 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I solved the mystery !! I will get back to you with an update Good luck! Update us soon. I was going to say maybe she has something going on in her life. Sometime timing is everything in a relationship, especially at the start. Don't immediately jump into thinking that she lost interest in you. She could be facing issues that she needs to be alone and sort them out first. Back off a bit if i were you (even though this is probably not the best thing you want to hear) but just don't pressure her.!
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