youdunsay Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 So he left me for another girl. For no reason, he initiated contact with intention to meet after half a year. I know something was wrong or happened with the other girl so I'll be his back up girl. I tipped him off harshly. i don't know if they broke up or not but thinking of how they were publicised together as the fun couple etc, I'm like why? Do I really give the off the vibes that I'm waiting for him?
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Had you moved on completely when his contact came around? I suspect not and this is the reason for the dilemma at the moment. I'm sorry. It sucks doesn't it. At one time we wanted them back so much, we gave up, began to heal and "poof" they show up. Sound about right? So he left me for another girl. For no reason, he initiated contact with intention to meet after half a year. I know something was wrong or happened with the other girl so I'll be his back up girl. I tipped him off harshly. i don't know if they broke up or not but thinking of how they were publicised together as the fun couple etc, I'm like why? Do I really give the off the vibes that I'm waiting for him?
Author youdunsay Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Indeed. Was busying making the best of me and there I saw his msg left for me. Can you imagine me seeing him with that girl early in the morning when he's wearing the same outfit? And their all so publicised relationship only an idiot like me didn't know? Now he has the nerves to come back pretending as if it never happen. Who is this person?
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Often, not always, that's the way it goes. Many call if GIGS or Grass Is Greener Syndrome. You know...they chase something they perceive better at the time, sometimes or most times not really thinking it through. As time passes it either doesn't work out or is not as "greener" as they thought. Given that, the shortest path back to happiness is back to the person they once had. Think about it, they probably knew you wanted them back at some point after the breakup because you told them so or showed such. They then go telling themselves you'll feel like that or still feel like that when their other plans don't work out. Trust us, if you were not good enough six months ago, its a matter of time before they think so again post reconciliation (normally anyway) The exception is someone who comes back on their knees, sort-of-speak, and clearly states why they were wrong and practically begs for that second chance. Keep strong. All the best, Am4Real Now he has the nerves to come back pretending as if it never happen. Who is this person?
Author youdunsay Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks Am4Real, but the thing is that when I probe him what has happen, he snapped back. He said I keep digging into his past r situations. Am I wrong? He left me for that girl. he made it like its my fault. I did all my best to keep him happy in the past but while the other girl is more fun than me so he left. Yes i was heartbroken. Yes i neglectd somehow him because i need to build up my finances. Yes i know he went out with that girl. yes i did cried for him though not in front of him. yes when he went off flying high with that girl i almost thought my heart will never beat again. What does he expect of me? I'm not born an entertainer or something. I don't know how to flirt as well as her in front of all his friends or make myself superstar like. What does he want?
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Good morning YOU: We will not be able to know what he “really” wants but we can look to patterns in his behaviors and compare them with our experiences and experiences of many on this board. Many, many, writers will tell you of EX’s returning after months of being gone, even under circumstances you would never think they would have the “guts” for showing back up again. But they do. Rarely and I mean rarely do they ever admit the gravity of their decision as a mistake – a gross error – their absolute wrong fault. More than not when EX’s return for no specific reason they expect to walk-in and just pick up where they left off; it’s almost delusional. More than not if you’re young it happens more often than perhaps “lovers” of age and, I only think that is because everyone goes through this type of experience in their lives only to realize it never works in the long term. You seem to be a person of self-respect and dignity, hence you’re reading right through all of this crap from him. Yet you are normal and searching for reasons and understanding in dealing with your emotions, so let’s go there for a moment… Perhaps in a secret way you wish to go back to where you once were. That’s okay, that’s a normal feeling if you’re not one-percent over your EX (as you said). So don’t worry about that part. It's understanding “what’s in it for him” and what “will happen to you”. Let me repeat that: its understanding “what’s in it for him” and what “will happen to you”. If you let him into your life without him explaining details or reasons and ultimately begging for forgiveness due to his mistake, what’s in it for him is a return to familiar ground without any responsibility whatsoever and NO LESSONS LEARNED. It’s one-hundred percent SAFE for him. You on the other hand will NEVER be settled. No matter how hard you try, how hard you commit, you will always wonder what happened, you will always be anticipating him leaving or cheating again at any moment; you will always be suspicious. Don’t you agree? Think about it…anyway. Let me know and we can further discuss. All the best, Am4Real Thanks Am4Real, but the thing is that when I probe him what has happen, he snapped back. He said I keep digging into his past r situations. Am I wrong? He left me for that girl. he made it like its my fault. I did all my best to keep him happy in the past but while the other girl is more fun than me so he left. 3
Author youdunsay Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 In all fairness, perhaps I gave the wrong impression that I'm a background checker when we first date. But I have my reasons, like I don't want to be a third party or backup or being-used-in-whatever-way-for-whatever-purpose. But you are right, I will soon dread. I feel tired. Thanks for reading my rattles. I have no better people to talk to about my r.
Am4Real Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I must have missed something; I'm not sure I understand your post below. In all fairness, perhaps I gave the wrong impression that I'm a background checker when we first date. But I have my reasons, like I don't want to be a third party or backup or being-used-in-whatever-way-for-whatever-purpose. But you are right, I will soon dread. I feel tired. Thanks for reading my rattles. I have no better people to talk to about my r.
Author youdunsay Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 I must have missed something; I'm not sure I understand your post below. When I asked him what happened, he briefly said he mentioned the girl's parents didn't like him. I am absolutely sure there's more to this so I ask him further but he snapped back, saying that I'm always checking on him, checking on his relationship situation, even on the first few dates when we went out together. My view is that, who doesn't check on the background (relationship) of the person before dating? Or am I wrong to do that? What if he has some residual feelings for his exes?
Am4Real Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) First, no you are not wrong (and sorry I missed your comment somehow on the first round). I'd imagine he could have one of several issues going on. The first is the most obvious: he is hiding something and you getting close to the facts or subject is irritating him. Secondly, he may have been in a previous relationship with an insecure persons who was always questioning him, his whereabouts, his decisions and so on. Even before your time. Also, there could be a possibility he is living a dual life, has several relationships in play at any one time and distancing all parties from facts makes it easier to keep the story straight. In other words he may be gone from the girl you know about but has another one in mind in addition to reconnecting with you. Know what I mean? Speaking of dual lives, this one comes from first-hand experience, I was with one of those type persons for 1.5 years before I came to know what I know. After this one, you learn what to ask and when to ask it. Some people are just plain deceptive, cruel and cunning! All the best, Am4Real When I asked him what happened, he briefly said he mentioned the girl's parents didn't like him. I am absolutely sure there's more to this so I ask him further but he snapped back, saying that I'm always checking on him, checking on his relationship situation, even on the first few dates when we went out together. My view is that, who doesn't check on the background (relationship) of the person before dating? Or am I wrong to do that? What if he has some residual feelings for his exes? Edited March 22, 2013 by Am4Real
Author youdunsay Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Going through this, He made me afraid of dating again. I'm afraid that whatever I do for the next guy will never be able to satisfy him. What can I do to make a guy truly happy and contented?
Am4Real Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Going through this, He made me afraid of dating again. I'm afraid that whatever I do for the next guy will never be able to satisfy him. What can I do to make a guy truly happy and contented? I don't believe it's what you CAN DO, rather it is who WE CHOOSE! If your opinion of yourself and others is that you are a straight forward person, a good catch sort-of-speak, you're probably doing what you should and you are right where you are supposed to be. Don't get me wrong, please, all of us can improve at something or do something differently. I just presume you DO NOT have any of those "correctional" issues at play! That being the case, you probably have to take a look at how you select a BF or partner, especially if you're younger and your LT relationship experiences are minimal, although it happens to all of us at any age. Often we meet someone and almost instantly are unsure. A word or words are said that make us think, maybe it's an action of some type, or a topic comes up in conversation that seems "off a little". Whatever it is, regardless of the severity, it is those moments that are natural guard is alerting us. It is at that moment we either respect and pay attention to the alert, looking for more signs or we ignore it. As we all know, sometimes or perhaps most times unless the alert is of major consequence or moral we chalk it up to getting to "know the person", however after a breakup we put all those alerts together and see them as the signs they were meant to be. It is how we further develop ourselves over time and through these experiences do we learn to enhance our perceptions and value and interpret those alerts at a much higher level. No one is perfect at it, but we do get better at it once we realize how it works. The challenge becomes "having the courage to react to those alerts" when we are smitten with the new person or heavily sexually involved. The rush of infatuation, lust and early perceived love is very powerful!
Author youdunsay Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Any ways to delude my ex to go back to her? I tried putting good words for her. Can you imagine I actually say nice things when I know nuts about her? lol I must be psychotic.
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