what to do now? want to try to re - woo her but it wont work@ this point in my opinio

[head/heels]

ok here is the rundown...4 years-head over heels in love for me until end, her not the last 4-6 months but kept trying to love me b/c she knew i was her greek god and she was my angel..she couldnt believe it was happening but she was falling out of love...I see now, even though she never told me or show it, that she was unhappy with me because i began to neglect her...I never realized it ...until now....First said she needed time but when i pushed her she said that she doesnt see us getting back together and i just am not the man for her....i know she is confused (she said so) and I know i can change since i just found out about what she didnt like ( i basiccalyy had to do this myself b/c she really didnt tell me too much) I have hope b/c we were each others life for 3-4 years and i know that she has a tinsy bit of feeling left for me...somewhere...i know i sound desparate but arnt we all in here? So the relationship was great and then got stale, i didnt see it then but now i do...she just didnt try to work on it with me but instead tried only herself...She did mention things in passing about what she disliked, but i didnt register it because she never made it a point to really let me know how much it was killing her...and i am a dumb male who always prided himself on not being a dumb male but turned out to be one anyway...Now i just want to show her that i am changing and if she would have sat me down and said this, this this is causing me to fall out of love with you I would have changed immediately and for good, that is how much she meant to me (means still) But now it is too late for that and I have to hope that absence makes her heart wonder about me and hope she will call me ..i might call her in a coulple of months to wish her happy thanksgiving...Our anniversary is sept 30 and her bday is oct 29 and i am not going to call or write on those days either...to throw her a curveball...maybe it will take and maybe she wont care...Please read the rest and OFFER ANY SUGGESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I CAN DO OR SHOULD DO....I LOVE HER MORE THAN THESE WORDS CAN DESCRIBE.! She said she wouldnt change anything and that i spoiled her rotten...She told me 4 days before i left for med school about 2 hours away...she is back at our old university finishing up her degree...we had planned on marrying after my first two years and moving to indy together after our school was over..she really was needy and that didnt stop even at the end...She told her mom that she will probably not find another who will love me as deeply as i did.. and that she might be making the biggest mistake of her life...i asked why she didnt tell me what i was/wasnt doing for her and if why she didnt try to make it work by doing that....she said that she didnt want to make it work and that she wasnt happy...For 3 years + she said she would love me til the oceans dried up, now we havent spoke in 2 weeks and we wont if it is up to her i believe.. I let her see i was devastated the first 2 weeks with a phone call here or there and an email...She had problems with the fact that i didnt work a real job the year between school- but i sold clothes on ebay and saved up 7000 for the ring i put down $ on- i was going to propose on our anniversary sept 30 2004 (4 years).. she knows this now but hasnt replied since receiving this message...3 days before this i pushed her for answers on the phone and the next day i (ashamedly) left a mean message on her phone... I left 2 apologies and one in my proposal email....hope she forgives me for that.. she knows i love her , she knows i would die for her, she knows that i treated her like a princess...but it got too comfortable and there was no real communication....i looked at her when she talked but i didnt HEAR what she was saying...I have 10 pages of things i need to change and want to for me, just wish we were more experienced and saw this at the beginning...now i lost the love of my life...she really is a great girl, christian honest, gorgeous fun and sexy to the 10th degree..kicking myself that i forgot how i treated her for first 3 years...got complacent.. Now she is 150 miles away and not going to accept my phone calls i assume....wish i just tried to be friends with her...now i am stuck waiting for something that may never happen....please help!

[prevch]

I am in a very similar situation man I know how it feels and I have the same feelings for my girl. Anyways one thing that is great about life is that there are a few guarantees. One of those guarantees is "human doubt". I know you two are young so, as much as this hurts, she probably wants to date some other guys and see what else is out there for her. I did the same thing you did I begged I pleaded but dude that never works. You need to trust in human doubt. Don't contact her, don't call, don't write just wait. I know sounds simple but it is the hardest thing in the world to do. Wait and if she doesn't call, wait some more, and if she still doesn't call wait even longer because eventually she will contact you. Humans are complex creatures. They love someone one day and not the next. But it sounds to me like you're the love of her life. You always love your first love..... period. Wait it out, let her go, and if she comes back it was true love if she doesn't it was never meant to be. But I'm telling ya man if you picture what you want, be confident it will happen, pray it will happen, it will happen. Because true love is tough to find. I think that is what my ex is finding out right now. She will get to you man just give it time.

[head/heels]

i have very confident days and really really unconfident days! I am a roller coaster and becasue she was my first everything i cant let it go...it has been 29 days of which 27 i have shed some sort of tears (from boisterous baby cryings to gentle trickles down my cheek) Neither of us would ever cheat on each other (her because her HS boyfriend cheated often on her and she kept taking him back because of low self esteem {even though she was the prom queen and gorgeous} and she knows how bad she felt) and i because i never have and never will out of morals and the whole bit about not wanting it done to me....anyhow she said that she had been checking out other guys more often and when she was home (she doesnt have the best crowd of friends there) she was hit on by a HS friend and she flirted back and i guess there was an excitement there that our relationship lacked after 4 years...so she said that since we had the pact to tell each other if anything ever happened like that , she did and 2 days after break up i asked if she was talking to this guy still and she did the kinda sorta motion (he is 200 miles away and she doesnt go home often but she goes to college where 16,000 boys are and (18,000 girls). I then asked if they were going to start a relationship (since she initially told me she needed time and space) and she gave off an emphatic no...about 2 weeks later i mentioned that i didnt want her to do anything that jeopardized us getting back together in the future and she said she knew that and she felt the same about me...later that week i pushed her for answers and said that i was ready to move on (not true) and that since she is already talking with someone that i had to go on too.... she laughed and said if Michelle (her roomate) is someone than she is talking to someone. I think she wont get into a relationship (7 straight years me 4 old boyf 3) but just when she isnt thinking of a new relationship, is when it happens (it did with me and her anyway). So now i am thinking that because of the bad message, her lack of cohones to follow through with her gut, and the fact that she went through so much to break up with me, i dont see her calling me (unless to get my stuff) plus i can only see her (if she would want to that is) on thanksgiving christmas break ~ 1 month long, spring break and summer break... on top of that my first two years of school will really be hard book work and year 3 and 4 will be light with my clinical hospital rotation (long hours but less books). I really need an independent woman who understands my profession is very demanding, but i would throw it all away and become a stockbroker or something else for my relationship. that is my first dream-a great woman and family and then my career a far off second. Anyhow sorry to wear your ear out but just got done with my first 2 exams of 3 and need to get this stuff off my brain to study for next one... I dont see her calling me before i plan to call her on Tgiving break...i will be back home then and will be near her....it is 2.5 hour drive now...I think that since i assumed she understood why i came to school here (instead of where she is- i didnt think i would study with the option of going and hanging out with her available...but she said i have alot of studying in nursing to do and we could do it together..i basically in hindsight blew off that idea immediately by saying we would just cuddle and watch movies or be sidetracked..i thought our relationship would make it easily over the next 2 years...i think i hurt her by not letting her have her say and by moving away i think she might have been really upset but didnt tell me) I can move back at 1/2 semester (jan 2005) or over the summer for next fall (sept 2005) but if this isnt the reason or it just is the tip of the iceberg and she wants to move on then i would just open up old wounds.. But i would hate to look back and think that we could have started a friendship all over again( me not pressing her for answes and just asking her to go out to eat or play tennis etc [like we did at first and show her that guy that won her over and how i have made huge changes]) that would have led to us being back together in a fresh new 2nd start relationship {i would make sure that new changes would occur-ie. not basically living together and having separate lives outside of our little universe we built for ourselves...What to do???? i guess just see when the time comes..?

thanks in advance to all who read and/or did or didnt reply...

good luck to all of you too

i will start praying for you all immediately

hey prevch please tell me your story...i am going to see if i can find it right now...if not i will let you know...i am interested in what works and what doesnt (even though every situation and people are different)

thanks all