Xul Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 First of all, thanks a lot for any input, I really appreciate it. Well, here is some input! I was a bit rusty with relationships (been single for quite a while) so this is still an exploration for me. The new thing for me with this relationship, which is about month and a half long is that we are taking it slow (not like my previous relationships), meaning we see each oder about two times a week for an alone time, which is quite good! Of course, we are not jumping on emotional overwhelming, which will, I guess, come in time when we really get to know each other. Although everything seems to be good when we see each-odder, I am really confused about the communication - namely, I am always initiating calls and/or sms, while her texts are very short and phone calls seem a little bit cold. I don't mind initiating the contact, but sometimes I feel a bit offset by her. As I recall my previous relationships, there was always a two way calling / texting stream. Not that I want this to be as the previous relationships, but I would really appreciate some input on this... Am I just reading these things the wrong way? Or, even better, is this what they call a requesting reassurance - I am not a possessive bloke, but I guess till now I have always been experiencing "give and take" communication and give / take emotional exchange, as well as much faster development of relationship (although from m experience the faster it developed, the faster it ended)... I don't know if I am maybe too needy for everything to kick off well, as I've been single for long time... Thanks a lot for help and input!!! :-)
IAmRobot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Depends on what she's used to... It might just be that you are not compatible with each other?? Also what does it mean that you are in a relationship? Are you guys at least sleeping together, or just kind of dating
neveragain34 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 If she is seeing you twice a week, I'm sure she likes you. Slow is good...it sounds like you're moving at a good pace. I'm in a similar situation as well. Both of us want to take it slow because we've learned from past relationships that were rushed. I let him initiate contact 80% of the time so I don't seem overly eager; maybe she is doing the same. Have you slept with her? I'm waiting at least 3 months for this. (I've also learned you don't truly know someone for at least 3 months and I want to make sure he's someone I can really trust before having sex with him.)
IAmRobot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I let him initiate contact 80% of the time so I don't seem overly eager This always blows my mind. Guess what if he finds a girl like you, that will do 50% of contact (like normal people) and not think so much.. who will he chose"?
neveragain34 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 This always blows my mind. Guess what if he finds a girl like you, that will do 50% of contact (like normal people) and not think so much.. who will he chose"? He will choose the one who isn't bugging him all the time, has her own life, and doesn't need his constant attention. I've been the 50/50 girl and it doesn't work so I'm doing things differently now, expecting different results. Men claim to want the 50/50 girl, but in reality, they end up with the one they have to chase. As for the 80% on his end, it's not completely my doing. He set the stage for it from the beginning by texting me every morning to wish me a good day and then I'd reply with something similar and we basically go back and forth from there, taking turns. When he doesn't send that morning text, I go ahead and do it. Perhaps 80/20 was the wrong way to describe it. In reading him, I can also tell he is the type of man that wants to take the lead in all areas and so I have let him. Every man is different.
IAmRobot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 He will choose the one who isn't bugging him all the time, has her own life, and doesn't need his constant attention. I've been the 50/50 girl and it doesn't work so I'm doing things differently now, expecting different results. Men claim to want the 50/50 girl, but in reality, they end up with the one they have to chase. As for the 80% on his end, it's not completely my doing. He set the stage for it from the beginning by texting me every morning to wish me a good day and then I'd reply with something similar and we basically go back and forth from there, taking turns. When he doesn't send that morning text, I go ahead and do it. Perhaps 80/20 was the wrong way to describe it. In reading him, I can also tell he is the type of man that wants to take the lead in all areas and so I have let him. Every man is different. Fair enough. Everyone is different. And yes guys like the girl they have to work for. But this is just in the initial stages. I.e. what gets them attracted. After that there's another kind of connection that develops that is stronger than that "attraction" you might have for MANY MANY people. From my experience if a person (girls and guys) can't be genuine after attraction is done, then you're in for games games and more games in your relationship.
neveragain34 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Fair enough. Everyone is different. And yes guys like the girl they have to work for. But this is just in the initial stages. I.e. what gets them attracted. After that there's another kind of connection that develops that is stronger than that "attraction" you might have for MANY MANY people. From my experience if a person (girls and guys) can't be genuine after attraction is done, then you're in for games games and more games in your relationship. I agree. Once we reach that stronger level of connection AND commitment, then of course, I will give more. Not that I'm not giving now, I'm just not throwing myself at him like most women would nor is he. I think we are headed toward something really good at the rate things have been going. There really are no games involved either, just learning from past mistakes and more maturity on both ends. 1
Author Xul Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Thank you all for the answers!! :-) Well, we are having a great time together and I am sort of starting to have a laid back attitude towards the "who contacts whom" - if all is well when we are together, than it doesn't really matter! As for the sleeping together, no we still haven't slept, we don't want to rush anything - the good foundation is essential for the future! I am trying to cut out all the mistakes from the previous relationships, not hurry with anything and just try to go with the flow!!
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