McDonald Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I messed up big time I have a final in 1 hour I should be studying.. But damn for some reason I went on faceobok to see if her new bf was roomates with this one guy and I stubeled apon an album of her and the f*ck I lost it and went through all her new pics..... of her new life... with all her new friends and everything has just compeltely changed IDK who she thinks she is. She ruined me big tiime.... posting things in the pics like "its time to expierence new things" WTF Its all on her. Im so pissed off right now. my hands cant stop shaking. I have a final in literally an hour. This thing.. This break up.. has gone on Long Enough. She doesnt give a damn.. why cant I? UGH I just hate what she has done to me. Its ike she thinks its okay.
RiceaRoni Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I messed up big time I have a final in 1 hour I should be studying.. But damn for some reason I went on faceobok to see if her new bf was roomates with this one guy and I stubeled apon an album of her and the f*ck I lost it and went through all her new pics..... of her new life... with all her new friends and everything has just compeltely changed IDK who she thinks she is. She ruined me big tiime.... posting things in the pics like "its time to expierence new things" WTF Its all on her. Im so pissed off right now. my hands cant stop shaking. I have a final in literally an hour. This thing.. This break up.. has gone on Long Enough. She doesnt give a damn.. why cant I? UGH I just hate what she has done to me. Its ike she thinks its okay. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I used to see my ex doing the same. Questioning how he didn't care, etc. The best thing you can do right now is get away from FB, get awa from twitter, get away from all social networking; and don't check up on her. Don't give her the power of having this kind of hold over you. The best thing you can do right now is to live great. Study for your exam, and don't worry about her. Live your life and show her that you can enjoy it without her. Just don't ever give her that kind of power. That she can effect your life like this. I made that mistake and wasted a couple months of life that I could have had fun with, but instead I pinned over my ex, checking up on him all the time, questioning the "why's" and "how could he?" But in the end there is nothing you can do but to live life as best as possible Stay strong 8
RiceaRoni Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Her doing all these things is her trying to move on. You should do the same! get out there and have some fun...she is, so what's holding you back? In the first month of the BU I was so depressed over my ex, but I got invited to a party....I didn't really want to go because I was so upset, but I went anyway because old friends were going...so I went...I had so much fun, posted pictures all over Instagram, and at the time while I still had my twitter..my ex seemed upset that I wasn't pining over him...course that was the exact same day he got with his current gf, but none the less I still got out and was able to have him removed from my mind for a while Do the same. I know it's hard, but you will feel better, and the first steps are blocking her, fighting the temptation to look at her new life, and going off to enjoy your own 2
na49 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 You should have blocked her dude. I know you want to leave that line of communication open, just so she knows that you're still single in case she ever does want to come back. Well that hasn't happened yet, and may never happen so you need to start doing what's best for you. No excuses. Block her and her boyfriend right now. You aren't allowed to post here again until you do that. You'll move on, you're doing great, BUT you HAVE to help yourself. No amount of saying "This BU is ruining me" will get you good grades on your finals or bring her back. 2
Author McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 I will. I have too. I thought I was beyond that phase.. Guess I tricked myself cause it just happened so fast. Thanks for the replies everyone. AT least I dont feel like Ive been sent back.. So im past that point. The whole.. being forgottena bout part hurts the most.
RiceaRoni Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I will. I have too. I thought I was beyond that phase.. Guess I tricked myself cause it just happened so fast. Thanks for the replies everyone. AT least I dont feel like Ive been sent back.. So im past that point. The whole.. being forgottena bout part hurts the most. She will never forget you. She may try to, but you will not leave her memory ever. It's very hard to process, but in time you will process it and look back fondly
Author McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Well on a good note, I got a B in one of the finals that I had to get a B in to get closer to the major because the prerequisite gpa is a 3.0 Im sooo happy for once!!!! I was able to do this without her.. without her helping me. 1
th90 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Well on a good note, I got a B in one of the finals that I had to get a B in to get closer to the major because the prerequisite gpa is a 3.0 Im sooo happy for once!!!! I was able to do this without her.. without her helping me. I actually made a massive progression in recovery through my 1 month long examination. I had 10 subjects stretched over an entire month! The results didn't come out as good as my expectation but they were acceptable for a heartbroken student. lol I also realized that by the end of the examination, I didn't spend any significant amount of productive time thinking about all the why's and how's anymore. I can go hours without thinking about him anymore though I'm aware that he's residing at the back of my mind all the time. Most importantly, I didn't need his support to get me through my exams which I always had. 1
Author McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 One of the biggest things I was afraid of was not being able to do this on my own. Last year there were some nights when I had to stay up really alte to do essays and she wanted to stay with me and keep me company all night. Then onee morning she brought me coffee and everything and i didnt even have to ask wheni was in the library. It was nice being "pampered" for once. I think I just miss the company... I was fine being alone before she came around.. I did want to have a girlfriend, but I became used to being alone so it never bothered me. Now however I know how happy and how great it felt to alwasy have someone there for me. So Im longing that feeling. Maybe its a feeling of acceptance? who knows. who knows.
na49 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Try to do less reminiscing (as difficult as it may be) You'll feel less miserable about your situation if you're not thinking about how miserable you are about your situation. This doesn't mean you won't be miserable. Just lighten the load a bit. Also you better have blocked them. Type their names into the block option on facebook, their profile pictures may come up for a second (I looked away from where they would be because I was so scared of seeing her picture ) just click block and try to help yourself. You know that if you don't you'll end up looking again, hoping to see something that will make you feel better. Hell once you're feeling better, you can unblock them and look at their pages if you want. Don't be silly about that "being forgotten" crap . Don't sell yourself short. Do you think you're "forgettable?" You played a significant part of her life at one point in time. Do you think she's forgotten you already? NO! BUT just because she isn't thinking about you that much, and is living the college life doesn't mean she's forgotten you. It doesn't even mean she hates you. She may think "McDonald? Oh yeah he's my ex boyfriend. We broke up x months ago. Nice guy, but not for me"
thefooloftheyear Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Hang in there man... DONT go near FACEBOOK!! I would dump the account entirely-at least until; you have processed this. I dont know how many people are screwing up their recovery by going down that road. I mean, really.. Did you expect to see sad posts about how much she misses you.?? TFOY 1
Author McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Na- I understand. The relationship did end... bad in terms of me doing anything wrong. So she has no reason to hate me. And Im sure If i texted her right now she would be able to have a normal conversation as freinds. But I cant do that and I just cant be her friend right now because She did end it and leave me for someone else. It was a bad breakup on my end, but a terrible one on hers. TFOY- I didnt expect to see anything good. I realize that by doing those things i will probably only get hurt... yet my mind still ticks and clicks things it shouldnt have. A form a holding on I guess. It doesnt matter if she remembers me or not TBH.. Its the fact the she is no longer here. Theres nothing I can do about it though and anything I send wont make things better. She has someone else!! what bullsh*t is that? Todays the last day of the quarter for me... I didnt think I would be able to make it
Blastoplast Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Trust me, she still probably misses you. This is probably her trying to move on, and she'll likely never move on. You shouldn't dwell on it and try to move on as well -- there's ALWAYS a chance for reconciliation, but only if the time is right. 1
Author McDonald Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 It's just the fact that she was able to date someone else within 3 weeks of the BU. granted, she left me for him.... But still. And now since I'm back home for spring break... I kinda broke down today. Weird because it hasn't happened in awhile. During break last year is when me and my ex started talking about a relationship and its when I started to adjust myself around her... Now she's probably going somewhere with her new guy while I'm just stuck here. Now during this time last year too is when I kinda stopped going and meeting up with highschool Friends because I was just so into this girl. So into the idea of always talking to her. I felt like I had everything I needed. So now not only have I lost a lot of friends in college cause I was always with my ex.. But being back home has made me noticed that people here are gone as well and it just sucks. I wish I could tell her this.... Because it really isn't the breakup that's bothering me. It's everything that has happened because of it that is pulling me apart.
WordvAction Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 So get out there and start trying new things. Anything. Go wild. You need to stop dwelling on this because it's part of your past, and you can't change it. You can dwell on it and think about it all you want and I PROMISE you nothing is going to change. Delete/Block her on FB because that is poison. Delete all parts of her from your life. Next, start meeting new people; maybe not over break, but do something over break you always wanted to do. You're at a crossroads; you can either sit and feel upset about what happened or you can do something about. NOW GO ON OUT THERE, AND START LIVING LIFE! 4
CudLRoo Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I have to be honest, man, I've had a terrible two months, five crappy things have happened in a row, lost people, a beloved pet, money, almost my mind, it's icy outside and I've simply had far too much stress and my body's screaming "F*CK 'EM!!!" and I simply couldn't care a gnat's chuff about things right now and it's really cool, learning to hate the load. You owe it to yourself to feel better, a person like that will never consider this or even bother to care about you, it's like getting blood out of a stone. I hope you get over this, McD, you have to just move on, sad as it may seem, your lives are not compatible and I got the hint you might be feeling a bit of bitterness/resentment, that's gooooood, it's the beginning of your escape from abject misery. Sorry to sound so cynical, old bean, positivity-offerers please roundly chastise me. 1
Author McDonald Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 It's what I need to hear. I feel like myself getting angry at her is the only way I can stop seeing her in TheIs positive halo. However, it's just so hard for me to stay angry in general as I'm not that type of person and having to kick someone out of my life? I don't get that either As I never had to do that before so I don't understand hoe someone else could do that as well. There's a couple things I have realized within these past few weeks thwt I would like to mention-- It's been long enough since the breakup now and I can seperate where my emotions/depression is coming from at times. I feel like when I do get sad it's not because of the breakup anymore. Sure thats the root of it, but it's not what is making me sad. I think the problem is Me not being able to reacquaint myself with old friends. First couple months n college last year I was meeting all these people, all these girls... I was finally able to be who I wanted to be. Then the gf came in and I was starting to feel something I have never felt before. I started to feel complete. So even though she said I couldn't talk to this girl or thwt girl becaue she was afraid I would leave her... I accepted it because she was the one making me happy. Even friends back home. I really didn't go out last summer because I would always be texting her and she would always be skyping me Etc. now I see how I should have kept my friends so I won't end up in a situation like this. Then there's the problem of trying to meet new people. This whole past quarter I haven't really met more then a few new girls.... Because I sent so much time thinking about my ex. What a waist of time. I just have to get out there and stop being so shy and saying that she gave me the confidence. Because the first few weeks of school it wasn't her healing me meeting people and she wasn't with me then... It was me going out and meeting people. Another thing... I feel like its hard for me to stop thinknig about it at times because that's all I have left. Maybe it's me not wanting to fully let go. Also I feel like when I start to have fun.. I start thinking about her and make myself sad. Maybe because it scares me that's having fun? Is thwt possible? Like holy crap I'm moving on having fun and it scares me becaus she is not only gone on her side but in my side as well. Get it? I did go out last night hung out with Highshool friends. Talked to s girl I liked ack in Highshool for awhile. She was very flirty but then mentioned she had a BF... Anyway... Slowly improving I guess
Author McDonald Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Sorry for the typos. I typed all that on my phone and autocorrect dosent seem to work anymore
WordvAction Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Your post had quite a few points, and you were fairly accurate in your assessments. 1. Regarding your friends and finally getting to where you want to be. Yes, that is what always seems to happen, when you are happy and not expecting it, someone comes into your life. When you are in a relationship, whether you like it or not, you will drift away from your friends (some more than others), and become more dependent on your girlfriend. Go out there and reconnect, that is an easy part. 2. Meeting new people (girls): Think of it this way; you have a better chance of meeting a new girl by talking to one than not talking to one. You have a chance of dating a girl by talking to her. You have zero chance by not talking to her. 3. You're going to go through hard times where you think about her. It's inevitable, even when you're having fun. You were pretty point on about why you feel this way. Your body is used to feeling sad, and changing that mindset will take some time, but it will happen. Keep up the work, stay NC, and good job so far. You'll be living the dream in time.
Author McDonald Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Your post had quite a few points, and you were fairly accurate in your assessments. 1. Regarding your friends and finally getting to where you want to be. Yes, that is what always seems to happen, when you are happy and not expecting it, someone comes into your life. When you are in a relationship, whether you like it or not, you will drift away from your friends (some more than others), and become more dependent on your girlfriend. Go out there and reconnect, that is an easy part. 2. Meeting new people (girls): Think of it this way; you have a better chance of meeting a new girl by talking to one than not talking to one. You have a chance of dating a girl by talking to her. You have zero chance by not talking to her. 3. You're going to go through hard times where you think about her. It's inevitable, even when you're having fun. You were pretty point on about why you feel this way. Your body is used to feeling sad, and changing that mindset will take some time, but it will happen. Keep up the work, stay NC, and good job so far. You'll be living the dream in time. I do really want to take this oppritunity to meet new girls. I was doing so well at the beginning of last year. I met so many people, was texting more girls than ever. had all these girls asking me what I was doing on sat nights etc. Now like I dodnt even remember who I was texting them.. but nevertheless did a great job at isolating myself from the people I used to know. And it sucks. She was able to move into a new place... so she doesnt have to hear her old roomates talk about the BU as her new roomates barely new me. They are all for her new RS and probably pushed for us to breakup and for her to date this guy who lives in her complex. Ok sorry for that random rant.... It just upsets me how it all happened. No one to really lean on anymore. I feel like once i find someone new it should all change... ughh but like find someone new? idk it hasnt been that great of a night. too much alone time.
na49 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Well I figured I'd post in this thread because I looked at pics yesterday. I thought I'd get rid of any hope, but I'm just as hopeful as ever. I still think she misses me and wants to talk to me like she said 3 months ago. I still believe that contacting her could change everything. I just want to see a picture of her and another guy making out so I know it's over! I wish I knew who my ex was dating so I could start moving on, but nope! I only saw pictures of her and her really good guy friends. (who probably f*ck her senseless every weekend because she's a freshman and they're older ) She told me she wanted an older guy who could take care of her. REALLY?! sorry for jacking your thread lol.
Author McDonald Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 lol its alright i jack your threads all the time haha. One of the first pictures I saw of them was of them two kissing. Though it showed me that it was really over... I still had another 2 months of depression.. sadness. etc.. So it didnt really help. At the moment I saw it I was so pissed off... but then days later it just wore off and I was back to the beginning. Sometimes I just want to text her to see what she is doing. I know we can talk as friends. I dont want to be seen like the bad guy here by ignoring her because she is the bad person in this situation. But why do I feel like its me? Why do I keep reliving all the mistakes I made in the relationship? it sucks. I just dont get it. Going from talking to a person every single day... to never talking to them again? WTH and I just dont get her.. moving on like that. after everything she said. It isnt fair.
na49 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I feel like seeing my ex kissing another guy would kill the hope for me. I saw pictures of her with this guy, but I'm convinced he isn't her boyfriend. Then I saw tweets about another guy, so maybe he's her boyfriend? Maybe he isn't though? Maybe she just wants a lot of best friends (FWB)? The fact that her most recent profile picture was of just her makes my hope grow larger. I feel like I could message her on facebook and she'd be so happy and we'd talk for an hour and be back together in two. I need to be hit over the head with a baseball bat for thinking that way. but it's honestly what I believe. and I just wonder if her rejecting me, could help or not? I thought looking at her pictures wouldn't effect me, but it did because I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept thinking of everything I saw. I felt like I did when we first broke up. That's how bad it was. Are you really the bad guy though? I thought about this last night. I think you should think about it too. We spend a lot of time seeing things from their side. We saw things from their side all the time when we were together. I know my ex wasn't always right, but I was right there next to her arguing she was. I followed her everywhere and always convinced her she was right. I'm a psych major so listening to people's problems might be in my future Well here we are and we are still thinking about things from their side. "They probably don't like that we're ignoring them" "They probably think we're the bad guy" "They probably don't think they did anything wrong". and my problem is I believe all of it still. I believe that I'm the bad guy. I believe that she's better off without me and will find someone better than me. I believe that her life is better without me and I was the problem, not her. I believe that her cheating on me was justified because I wasn't good enough. We have our own thoughts on this though. WE are ignoring them because it's what's best for us. WE are trying to love our life without them. WE KNOW what they did was wrong. WE are not the bad guys in this situation. I know that no matter what she tells anyone, she knows for a fact that I was as respectful to her as any of the clowns she dates now. I was the most mature guy she's dated and treated her like a person and not a possession (and it got me cheated on ). Chin up brother, we aren't owed sh*t either. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. Life isn't fair. 1
steelpantherrocks Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 when me and my ex split i immediatly blocked her from fb and every person i knew through her. helped somewhat but of course people have to tell you wha they see or ask what the hell is going on with her. that alone was very helpful, but then came along instagram which up untill 2 weeks ago was like my kryptonite. id find myself creeping on her pics 2 to 3 times a day, seeing who liked them commented etc. she never was posting anything slutty or with guys but it was just the sight of her brought me back in my healing months. i recently deleted that as well and its made a world of difference. this break up has taught me alot, some of which i follow and some of which i dont. im in a similar senario mine left me for a friend and ruined a dozen or so friendships as well because of it. although we talk occasionally its only through text or email, even then sometimes i have to take a week long breather. i dont know what im trying to achieve by communicating with her, i mean she cheated and humiliated me but like i said in other posts shes like a drug to me. i dont think i could take her back even without alot of resentment and anger but i just maybe in a sick way like the chase. cut that out of your life (fb, all other social media) i actually went as far as deleting fb a while back and love not being on it. cause we search for things. we want to see her but we know its gonna hurt, kinda like hearing shes dating other guys or whos shes been with snce us. we want to know but we really dont. i wish i could say i have been successful in NC but i havent, this bitch did such a number on me that its gonna take months and months before i can see a pic of her without feeling anything. ive done alot of stupid things in reactions to pics ive seen became verbally abusive etc, only because we assume the worst of them. save yourself going backwards and delete it all. its a start and trust me you wont regret it. go away for a while dissapear. make her wonder where you went what your doing, give her a dose of her own medicine. i miss my ex (together for 5 yrs) but after the way she behaved after our split i saw the real her, one who didnt give a **** or respect me or herself.
Author McDonald Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I just dont know what to believe. She had to care at one point... or we wouldnt have been dating... Yea she left me for someone else. IDK im just tired of tricking myself or lying to myself. Sometimes I say Im okay, doing well. Which is true. Then other days when i say im fine.. im really not. I tell myself that this is her fault.. the Breakup.. and it is.. but I feel like the way it is now post breakup, the way we cant talk.. is my fault.. this might not be making any sense I know I didntdo anything wrong. She even told her friends that. Then why leave? Its just one big mystery to me. I just dont understand how one can move on like that, because I as sure hell cant. So much has changed within 3 months. Its terrible... I feel like I have hit a plateau between caring indifference. I want to become indifferent... but feel like i cant because I really dont have anyone else in my life. I was reading in Na's thread earlier about how we are scared and that this pain is the last thing we have. and thats true. However its not even a pain anymore. Its just an emptiness. A hole in a way. Theres no feeling. but because of that, there is no good feeling as well. I just have this very neutral feeling about everything right now. I forgot where I was going with this. Its just been a long day. Today I did a lot of reminiscing old times. ive been doing that a lot this week. I thought maybe by now she would text me and ask how I was doing. I know bread crumbs are bad. but it would just be nice to see her care.... but who am i kidding. Then this leaves me with the question.. why even fall in love if you can be hurt more so than ever before? and no... because the next maybe the one.. because realistically, it isnt and it might not even be better. Really, i keep hearing people tell me.... your next one will be so much better.... how do you know? I thought my ex was pretty good during the relationship.. sure some hiccups... but what if the next one is complete ****? sorry for all this just a rant I needed some venting time.. I really have to reconnect with past friends... I let go of so many.. I worked so hard to get where I was then I just let it all go for this one girl. Just keep moving forward... its the only thing to do.
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