Neurotic Ex On Rebound- Still in contact 5 mths after B/U!

[northernmatt30]

Hi Guys,

 

Just wanted to share my experience and my current situation. My ex girlfriend broke up 5 months ago for various small reasons including wanting to date an older man who can 'take care' of her to quote her words(I am 30 and she was the older one at 39). we were together 3 years & She had set up a dating profile a few weeks before telling me it was over.

 

Even 4-5 weeks after the b/u, we were still spending time together, cuddling and texting each day. Suddenly one night she admitted she had met someone she quite liked who was 42, and quite the opposite to me personality wise, it was a shock to me but i had to accept this since she was single after all, trouble is she has always admitted she has had feelings for me to this day.

 

I last saw her 3 months ago and we have remained in text contact throughout. In the beginning I was still doing the normal stuff I now regret (chasing for her, asking her about her new guy, seeing if she wanted to meet) , then the tables turned so to speak, she rang in tears wanting me back, an that she misses me. eventually I had to say that I need to give her space,to gather her own thoughts (she takes anti-depressants and so is very up and down) but she kept getting back in contact after a week of NC as she misses me, and misses our security in the relationship. This happened on valentines day of all days!

 

After a week or so, it would all go quiet on the subject of being together, so I would tell her that I cannot be in her life anymore due to her new fella being around.

 

Things would be quiet again after 5/6 days then I get a call from a witheld number last monday, which I answer, and it is her again! She would again be in tears and says whilst upset that she misses me and would like to meet. I agree to this only on the condition that we talk thoroughly, and that her new fella is not contacting her again. The following days we would text about the subject of reconciling and maybe having children or not (which was a subject brought up due to her age) so I had arranged to take a day out to see her.

 

Unfortunately after another few days, contact went quiet again! I got suspicious and called her up to ask what was going on, she admitted she doesnt know what she wants and although she cares for me and misses me, she likes her current fella. A day wasted planned on her and pure frustration.

 

I do miss her and it seems like she does too. Seems like she is dangling a carrot infront of me each time and I should really call it quits, and with regards to her fella, I dont even think he knows my ex is in contact with me still!

 

I know I should of started NC straight away, but being a close couple who never argued, its always seemed wrong. She has a lot of issues to sort out with her moods and behaviour. I keep advising her to take a few weeks out for herself but never listens. Appreciate any comments, thanks

[Am4Real]

My friend, you are sure to get many comments on this thread, so be prepared.

 

You're experiencing a classic "dumpers remorse with confusion".

 

You'll hear lots about "breadcrumbs" and "no decisions" and mostly abut you being "hurt bad in the end as you relive the breakup".

 

I personally have no issues with communicating to an EX who is clear they made a mistake, specify the mistake, ask for forgiveness and state their intent on reconciliation (if agreed). That is fine with me.

 

I do have major issues with opening up any sort of communication with the aforementioned elements NOT in place. You're asking for a lot of HURT to come your way!

 

All the best,

 

Am4Real

[northernmatt30]

Am4Real,

 

Thanks for the reply

 

Ill brace myself for the other messages. The meeting we origionally agreed on was to talk about our good strengths and the points that made us break up in the 1st place. Im not going to get very far is she cant be honest herself about her intentions with her rebound!

 

It just hurts me further, as if im 'dumped twice' in effect, also deceitful on her part too.

 

Id like to also add I was living away from home for 4 years and had the relationship whilst living down south. a few months after we split, I returned north for a few months after the stresses of the break up, and now plan to return south next month, with or without her, after some time out. But her indecision (and probably us contacting) isnt good for me.