The idea tat GIGS is just absolving responsibility on the part of the dumper...

[travelonic]

... just doesn't make sense to me.

 

Unnecessary disclaimer: This is all my opinion, nothing more.

 

I mean, if you look at what people would categorize as 'GIGS' - the behavior patterns, and how it is explained, I see two things: Immaturity, and genuine uncertainty. The uncertainty rom what I have sen personally, and from reading stories here, does affect how much the immaturity factor comes into play. I mean, if the dumper is genuinely unsure, and goes about it in a way where there is a lot of behind-the-dumpee's-back action going on, like what happened with me and my ex [dumper], the immaturity is absolutely there as even without the experience of these conflicting feelings, and handling them properly/figuring out where the person really stands, there are better ways to handle it than many dumpees in these 'GIGS' situations DO handle it.

 

In my opinion, if you're acknowledging it as immature, that by definition is not excusing anything. You've pinpointed an underlying cause of a problem based on the behavior that is a serious character flaw in the dumper going through GIGS. It could be a matter of growing up, and maturing over time, or it could be something that lasts longer depending on the person, time will tell, but at least with looking at these events with GIGS in mind we can at least try to build a better understanding as to WHY this happens the way it does [even if the theory needs tweaking as time goes on, which inevitably it will].

 

This goes back to what others said about GIGS in other threads - that the theory is about not excuses but understanding, as breakups that happen in the way classified by others as 'GIGS' really could use a formal, though unscientific, explanation given the commonality of the behaviors, the events, ho things play out - as well as the reasons behind it, and the numerous outcomes over time. Perhaps this understanding makes it easier to forgive over time, but that is still dependent on the people involved in the relationship, their mindsets, as well as te evets.

 

Just some thoughts. Hope they make sense.

Edited March 20, 2013 by travelonic

[Jono85]

i don't get what you're getting at here. you made a few points but what is the overall conclusion? defending the gigs theory or something?

 

 

imo, all this gigs stuff, is plain silly. it's ppl in denial. ppl who can't accept what is. there's no science involved or certainties. the person who dumped you (me) just doesn't want you as a romantic partner anymore. that's it. they reached a point where they thought "i'd rather not have them in my life, then continue on with this unfulfilling relationship. there's better out there for me".

 

it is what it is. everyone is completely different. every situation is completely different. regardless of what the dumper tells us, or what they might even think on their own, we'll NEVER know all the reasons, or in some cases, any reasons, as to why they left us. ppl must realize this. so any hopes of reconciliation and working things out eventually, even if you've talked it over and they've confessed everything that they did wrong or took for granted etc etc, even then, it's a massive risk. because again, we, nor they sometimes, know the reasons why they don't want a relationship with us.

[Mack05]

Gigs, twigs, Migs...

 

People just need to except that you in this generation (in the vast majority of times) you don't meet in high school/college and end up married for 50 years like your parents/grand parents did. Life is hard. People want to party, travel, get to know themselves outside the confines of a relationship, before having to deal with the daily grind.

 

There is no absolving of responsibility. The dumper just wants different things. As long as they leave the relationship with class and compassion for the dumpee they have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

I read so many stories of young love and think to myself you guys are only getting started. Normally have to go through 3 or 4 of these before meeting the person you settle down with. As many will find out, life isn't about soulmates and 'the one'. It's about timing...

 

Being ready to meet someone, her/him being in the same frame of mind and then having that 'connection' so that you can move forward together. You notice you want the same things, have the same values and have loads in common. After that the rest takes care of itself and eventually the hard work starts.

 

If you young and heartbroken my advice is snap out of it. Your youth is awesome and wasting some of it, depressed on some person you were never meant to be with, is such an enormous waste of the most precious time in your life.