Any Words of Encouragement to Get Over A Jerk? Thanks :)

[Palmer11]

Hello you all! I've spent years reading threads in this forum, which has helped me a lot in the past. While I've actually never been in a relationship, and can only imagine what pain a dumpee might feel following a breakup, I do feel that emotional wounds brought about by situations still hurt nonetheless and should be addressed properly to get over the jerk, so to speak

 

So, the jerk in my case is a year younger than I am (I'm 22 and we're both seniors in college). I liked this guy last year for a number of months (we became somewhat close friends during that time) and let him know last May. I wasn't sure how he felt about me, and I didn't want to fool myself much longer... He had been giving me good, obvious signs of liking me, and all of his friends knew about me and whatnot, but I guess I was wrong because he ended up rejecting me! So I cut my losses, hung out with friends a lot and accepted dates (because we're in the same club, he would see all of this). Even though he rejected me, he kept giving me mixed signals and playing head games, which I would ignore.

I took some time off from school, so I didn't return to campus until this February. Up until then, I had really been working on myself and trying to figure out why I've always attracted similar guys who are emotionally unavailable... However, it was still a little difficult to get the jerk from last year off my mind (and while I know that hopping to the closest guy is NOT the way to go, not really having any worthy prospects doesn't help me forget the past either).

 

In any case, since I've been back, we've essentially been dancing around each other! He's tried to act cool whenever I'm around, get really nervous around me, pay more attention to me, start conversations with me and invite me to some social gathering that he heads, hang around me yet say nothing, give me puppy eyes when I don't (or try not to) pay him any mind, get really jealous when guys give me attention, try to flaunt some girl who's giving him attention to see how I'll react... The games are endless, and they're annoying!! Worse still, I'm noticing all of this when I shouldn't be!

 

I know that he's extremely immature and he has a long way to go... It's become obvious to me that he's starting to see that he's lost out on a really great girl (I won't get into detail about that bit, given that this post is much longer than is necessary! ) and regrets his decision, but he's going about it the wrong way! I was really starting to move on, but last week, he unexpectedly did me a huge favor which made me stupidly hope that he was getting better, and also invited me to hang out with him and his close friends (which I didn't give a yes or no to, because I'm still guarded), but last night, he was trying to flaunt some girl whose advances I think he finally accepted (i.e. they probably started fooling around, because I'd noticed her almost literally throwing herself at him for some time) in front of me, RIGHT AFTER he saw some guys giving me lots of attention and playing me compliments! It's frustrating that he's being such an ***hole; I really haven't been leading him on or playing games... And it makes no sense to me how he'll try to give me crumbs, and because I don't respond in the way he wants me to (because he STILL hasn't brought up the rejection or the head games following the rejection from last year!), he'll accept the advances of some girl he doesn't care for!

 

Again, I know that this story pales in comparison to things that most on this website have gone through... I've just had such a rough time in this department my whole life (never had a bf, or even a fling! I know this is God looking out for me in the long run, but sometimes it feels like I'm the odd one out), and an even tougher past 18 months in general...

 

I guess I need kind words of encouragement, if you could spare any at all. Or, stories of any situations similar to this one, and how they panned out. And thanks so much for reading this post! I'll stop whining now

[geegirl]

I don't understand why you think he is a jerk.

 

If I were you, I would stay away from this guy and keep focusing on yourself and seeking men that are able to emotionally communicate and express themselves to you. Please don't waste your time on men that are emotionally immature. It will get you nowhere, and you've spent nine months with nothing to show for. You've proven it.

 

If you want to be in a relationship, seek someone that can verbally communicate their desire to be with you. All this dancing around each other is just enabling your trait of attracting unavailable men and his inability to be mature.