Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 My point was that I dont know of anyone who will call a hate mongerer a cool person. By the sheer weight of his beliefs, he is in fact not a cool guy, and only put on a show for you in hopes of getting laid. How do you not see that? Its like when Dennis Rodman met the President of North Korea a few weeks ago. Sure he was a cool guy to Rodman...but people thought Rodman was an idiot for asserting that a harsh dictator who does horrible things was a cool dude all because of his behavior in that one instance. I could go back in time, and even if some KKK leader was somehow a nice guy to me, I still wouldnt call him a nice guy based on his racist beliefs. Keep getting butthurt and defensive. No one claimed to be an expert. YOU decided to come to an open forum asking for relationship advice. And your past and current relationships tell us, especially the older more experience women here, plenty about your decision making process. It also tells us plenty about the kind of guys you deal with and seem to settle for. Still going? Hate to say it... But you kind of sound like you think you are an expert on me. Did I say he was a nice guy? No I think what I said was that he was a cool nice polite date. He probably was trying to get into my pants, most men that tends to be there goal at one point or another. How he was on the date doesn't mean in any sense that as a person he is good. I find it funny you keep coming back. More than likely you have gone and read all my past threads too... Only you somehow are clinging to this one, and not any of the other awesome guys I have dated. Interesting....
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Still going? Hate to say it... But you kind of sound like you think you are an expert on me. Did I say he was a nice guy? No I think what I said was that he was a cool nice polite date. He probably was trying to get into my pants, most men that tends to be there goal at one point or another. How he was on the date doesn't mean in any sense that as a person he is good. I find it funny you keep coming back. More than likely you have gone and read all my past threads too... Only you somehow are clinging to this one, and not any of the other awesome guys I have dated. Interesting.... People dont need to go back and read all of your threads. You make new ones frequently. And what do I need to cling to? Why do I need to mention the other "awesome" guys you dated. Clearly youre dating a keep right now lol
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 My point was that I dont know of anyone who will call a hate mongerer a cool person. By the sheer weight of his beliefs, he is in fact not a cool guy, and only put on a show for you in hopes of getting laid. How do you not see that? Its like when Dennis Rodman met the President of North Korea a few weeks ago. Sure he was a cool guy to Rodman...but people thought Rodman was an idiot for asserting that a harsh dictator who does horrible things was a cool dude all because of his behavior in that one instance. I could go back in time, and even if some KKK leader was somehow a nice guy to me, I still wouldnt call him a nice guy based on his racist beliefs. Keep getting butthurt and defensive. No one claimed to be an expert. YOU decided to come to an open forum asking for relationship advice. And your past and current relationships tell us, especially the older more experience women here, plenty about your decision making process. It also tells us plenty about the kind of guys you deal with and seem to settle for. People dont need to go back and read all of your threads. You make new ones frequently. And what do I need to cling to? Why do I need to mention the other "awesome" guys you dated. Clearly youre dating a keep right now lol Stop speaking for everyone. From what I see, you are the one so hellbent on "showing me the light" lol
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Stop speaking for everyone. From what I see, you are the one so hellbent on "showing me the light" lol Speaking for everyone? Are you just ignoring the post by MrCastle, StarGazer, Drsuessgirl, and several other in this thread and your other threads? Their advice and opinions have been similar to mine. I just dont handle you with kid-gloves like they seem to. Im blunt and tell it like it is. Stop glossing over the posts which dont agree with you. Im not the only one saying the things Im saying.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Speaking for everyone? Are you just ignoring the post by MrCastle, StarGazer, Drsuessgirl, and several other in this thread and your other threads? Their advice and opinions have been similar to mine. I just dont handle you with kid-gloves like they seem to. Im blunt and tell it like it is. Stop glossing over the posts which dont agree with you. Im not the only one saying the things Im saying. Look. I responded to all of theirs... Did you miss that?
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Look. I responded to all of theirs... Did you miss that? Did I say you didnt respond to them? Ive been saying that you either ignore posts that disagree with you, or you give reasons for why such assesments are incorrect. And youre the one who tried to tell me I dont speak for everyone. I dont, but I can tell you that my opinion is not by itself in its message. That was my point.
Woggle Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt until I read this guy has a swastika shaved in his head. Why would you want to be with somebody like that?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt until I read this guy has a swastika shaved in his head. Why would you want to be with somebody like that? He doesn't. Kaylan thought to being up a guy I went on one date with last year. Towards the end of the date he lifter his hat briefly and I caught a glimpse at abseastica on his head.
SJC2008 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 OP with all due respect why woud you want to be involved with a fomer alcoholic who's 10 years older than you? I'm starting to think you're the rescuer type.
truth_seeker Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Miss J seems, from all of her posts, to have this older boyfriend fill the void of Dad.
Woggle Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 He doesn't. Kaylan thought to being up a guy I went on one date with last year. Towards the end of the date he lifter his hat briefly and I caught a glimpse at abseastica on his head. If it's not that guy as long as both you and him are happy that is all that matters but he should respect you enough to be understanding about the issue in this thread.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 OP with all due respect why woud you want to be involved with a fomer alcoholic who's 10 years older than you? I'm starting to think you're the rescuer type. I really think people need to realize that he WAS an alcoholic. He isn't one now, and he became sober far before he met me. I don't really understand how that would be me rescuing him. The age thing plays no role either, I am with him because he asked me out, I loved his personality and everything else ended up being exactly what I was looking for in a man.
pbjbear Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Im gonna have to disagree with the first few responders and say youre not overreacting. If a guy found a homemade sex video of his gf with her ex bf, and she was still talking to him and following him on social media, he'd flip out...post the reverse situation on this site and you wont get responses of "youre too jealous man, irrational cool it" youd get all sorts of nasty judgmental remarks about the woman and her loyalty I hate double standards 1
KungFuJoe Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Man...can't believe how many pages this thread has grown! Not sure what the big deal is here. What happened sucked. Big time. If it was me and I found a video of my wife with an ex...wow...I don't even know how I'd feel. But the bottom line is...he did nothing wrong. I don't know if it's been covered, but he probably didn't even know he still had it. And I think op said he deleted them with no issue. So...it's just one of those life incidents that sucks...but there's no fault behind it or anyone to blame. You suck it up and you continue on with life.
MrCastle Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Man...can't believe how many pages this thread has grown! Not sure what the big deal is here. What happened sucked. Big time. If it was me and I found a video of my wife with an ex...wow...I don't even know how I'd feel. But the bottom line is...he did nothing wrong. I don't know if it's been covered, but he probably didn't even know he still had it. And I think op said he deleted them with no issue. So...it's just one of those life incidents that sucks...but there's no fault behind it or anyone to blame. You suck it up and you continue on with life. Conversation has long since passed just the sex tape stuff The sex tape is small potatoes.
KungFuJoe Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Conversation has long since passed just the sex tape stuff The sex tape is small potatoes. Damnit...I'm always late to the party. 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I really think people need to realize that he WAS an alcoholic. He isn't one now, and he became sober far before he met me. This stuck out to me. One doesn't get over being an alcoholic. If one is an alcoholic, then they will always be an alcoholic, even if they are sober. It's a disease, and this is one of the first things they are taught when trying to get sober.
KraftDinner Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 He told me that when we get married, sure, inappropriate, and he will fully respect the fact that I am uncomfortable with it, but for now, I have nothing to worry about and that there is a reason he is with me. He apologized about the video and said that the situation isn't ideal but to understand that the relationship ended years ago and he honestly had forgotten about it. . I don't get this...why would it be inappropriate if you were married but it's okay now? He doesn't feel like he needs to respect your discomfort with this now? Why not? Is he allowed special freedoms because you aren't married? You live together. You deserve his respect and 100 per cent devotion now. Don't allow anything less. That image would be burned on my brain, btw. I don't even like thinking of my fiance with his exes, haha.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 This stuck out to me. One doesn't get over being an alcoholic. If one is an alcoholic, then they will always be an alcoholic, even if they are sober. It's a disease, and this is one of the first things they are taught when trying to get sober. No, you are correct... I mistakenly said that, what I was trying to say is that it isn't like I m helping him through this. I think it is ridiculous that people think the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic means I should just write him off.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Are you also going to police his thoughts? Should he police yours? Have you thought about any of your ex's while you were with him? As usual, what matters is what's going on behind the scenes. That he made a homemade porn clip with one of his ex's just means they wanted to, and that he was open to doing it. That he kept it could mean a lot of things, not all of them necessarily bad. Does he get off to it? Does he still harbor feelings toward her? Those are the questions that need answered. Think of it this way... if he kept pictures showing him and his ex being in love and doing normal things together, most people wouldn't condemn that outright. There's some allowance for reminiscing about the past and hanging on to fond memories, even of ex's. OTOH, a married woman might keep a photo of her and her ex boyfriend hidden in a drawer labeled "our wedding photo" when she was never married to him. <-- TRUE STORY. So that would be an example where keeping a photo and memory are NOT HEALTHY AT ALL. But the reason is that the person is obsessed & pining over their ex. So maybe the porn vid is just a gross version of what is actually healthy ties to the past. Or maybe it's an indication of a very unhealthy obsession with his ex. Context is what matters here.
pbjbear Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Are you also going to police his thoughts? Should he police yours? Have you thought about any of your ex's while you were with him? As usual, what matters is what's going on behind the scenes. That he made a homemade porn clip with one of his ex's just means they wanted to, and that he was open to doing it. That he kept it could mean a lot of things, not all of them necessarily bad. Does he get off to it? Does he still harbor feelings toward her? Those are the questions that need answered. Think of it this way... if he kept pictures showing him and his ex being in love and doing normal things together, most people wouldn't condemn that outright. There's some allowance for reminiscing about the past and hanging on to fond memories, even of ex's. OTOH, a married woman might keep a photo of her and her ex boyfriend hidden in a drawer labeled "our wedding photo" when she was never married to him. <-- TRUE STORY. So that would be an example where keeping a photo and memory are NOT HEALTHY AT ALL. But the reason is that the person is obsessed & pining over their ex. So maybe the porn vid is just a gross version of what is actually healthy ties to the past. Or maybe it's an indication of a very unhealthy obsession with his ex. Context is what matters here. Yeah right, if you found a homemade video of your gf screwing her ex you would be bashing her and saying horrible things about her. Hypocritical. Based on how you jump down women's throats constantly on this site for tiny little things, please excuse me for not believing you wouldnt take that opportunity to say nasty things about her.
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