Am I being a crazy girlfriend?

[kaylan]

You know, I used to appreciate your posts, but now... I would say you are one bitter man. I am sorry if women have screwed you over or you don't believe in relationships... but it seems to me that you deal with insecurity more than I do.

 

Worry about an exotic woman? No... not really.

Hate to break it to you, but not all men are *******s.

 

And btw, if you are jealous of the fact that he is with me and not you... you could just say it instead of bounding into my threads and trying to come up with every reason why we are just so "wrong" together.

Grow up. This isnt about me. I know guys like him, and I know what they are weak to. And I know girls like you, and what they continue to ignore.

 

But again, youll get mad that someone is saying things you dont agree with. So youll make character attacks calling me bitter and insecure...and feigning some sort of boastfulness when making your emoticons and talking about jealousy. Honey, I wouldnt be jealous of you two. I wouldnt date a woman who was like him at all. And I definitely wouldnt date a young divorcee who rushes relationships and is rather impulsive.

 

Underneath those lame attempts at trying to come off as high and mighty in your wonderful relationship, you know theres something to everything Im saying. If they wasnt, you would feel the need to reply, make weak insults, or lame winky faces.

 

Im sure other people are like me, and not buying it right now.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Jaclyn, you said that moving in was a smart move because you weren't using your apartment. But what if something happens suddenly and you break up? Then what?

 

I know you think your relationship is different, and you're more mature than nost women your age, and all that stuff--doesn't mean you are not vulnerable to the same pitfalls relationships fall into.

 

You make a new thread every week or so with a new adventure in your relationship asking advice on how to handle it. In my opinion this is because you are trying to rationalize your gut feelings or any other feelings of uncertainty you feel you may have. You only accept posts that tell you to keep doing what you're doing and ignore any posts that go against the decision you've already made up in your mind.

 

I'm not here to say I told you so or wish problems for you and your man in anyway. I do think though that you are going into this entire situation way too fast and there are problems that can arise as a result.

 

I get it. I'm in my 20's, I get the whole "our situation is different, you don't know us, we have it figured out", the world is against us mentality. But a lot of the people giving you advice are elders who have been there, done that.

 

It could serve you well to at least listen to some of their advice with an objective ear.

 

Just because their ideas/beliefs/advice may disagree with you what you believe, doesn't make them wrong, or make them "haters", or people out to get you.

 

 

We break up, I move out. How is that so difficult to understand?

What makes everyone think that if we broke up I would be some homeless woman?

 

I get that things can go wrong, but some people are taking it wayyyyy too far.

 

 

And take a look at my post history, seriously... I rarely come on here asking for advice, and when I do, it isn't necessarily because he has done something wrong, it is just trying to get advice.

Most times I come on here posting great things and then people jump on me for something, whether it be the fact that he works at walmart, or the fact that he is still in school, or that he didn't want me to bring a 6 week old baby over to his house for a whole night.... how are any of those things bad on his part? Or make him a bad man? I am constantly defending me, my relationship, and him against people on here and it honestly makes me sad.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Grow up. This isnt about me. I know guys like him, and I know what they are weak to. And I know girls like you, and what they continue to ignore.

 

But again, youll get mad that someone is saying things you dont agree with. So youll make character attacks calling me bitter and insecure...and feigning some sort of boastfulness when making your emoticons and talking about jealousy. Honey, I wouldnt be jealous of you two. I wouldnt date a woman who was like him at all. And I definitely wouldnt date a young divorcee who rushes relationships and is rather impulsive.

 

Underneath those lame attempts at trying to come off as high and mighty in your wonderful relationship, you know theres something to everything Im saying. If they wasnt, you would feel the need to reply, make weak insults, or lame winky faces.

 

Im sure other people are like me, and not buying it right now.

 

You need help kaylan... I feel sorry for you.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Yupp. Red flags galore.

 

With all this going on, I cant see the relationship surviving the going abroad studying. Sure some relationships do survive it, but when I was in college, most people stayed single, or went on breaks if they were attached, before going on their trips.

 

And I was friends with plenty of exchange students due to my major...and I knew a few of them who did step out on their bf/gf who were all the way back home in their home country.

Ive been where you are hun. Its not just your own uneasiness. Its your gut telling you what is and isnt ok, and its your gut telling you how youve seen relationships with exes turn out for others.

 

Dont ignore the red flags. Seems you are doing that and making excuses for this guy. But dont ignore what YOU want. Ive been where you are...totally blinded by the honeymoon phase. But when I got smacked down later, I smacked myself for not listening to my gut.

 

Again, find exactly what YOU want, and what makes YOU comfortable. After dealing with ex drama in the past, I told myself never again. Ex contact is a very strict deal breaker for me, and Im glad I stick by that now. Why should I have to compromise on that and make myself unhappy? If I love a girl, and she loves me, we leave past lovers in the past completely. Why should any other boy or girl matter when we now have each other?

 

Do let me be able to say "I told you so" in the future. Im thinking this guys feeling he can get away with some things and that youll just put up with it. Plenty of girls woulda dumped him by now.

 

And people wonder why we all warn younger folks about the experience of younger folks. Im 26, but I know for a fact that a woman who was even just 30 to 33 could run circles around me. Shes probably had a career for a long time, more relationships than me, and more life experiences because shes had money from her career to go do things.

 

The circles around me would get even worse if the woman was close to or over 40. I do think to go after older women from time to time...but just for a fun fling. Realistically I know the relationship wouldnt much work...and I wouldnt wanna feel like the kid in the relationship. Though its kinda hot to be a boy toy.

 

Honey, you still dont know this man. I said it to you before but you refuse to listen. If I had said something to you about a sex tape 2 weeks ago, youd have hardcore defended him...and now look what happens? I see more drama coming and you refuse to notice the flags.

 

I dont care about this guy not being 22. Hes shown you that at 32 his age doesnt dictate where he should be in life. I knew older guys and gals who were studying abroad...and they lived it up too, though not as hard as the younger people. You think this guy wouldnt be susceptible to the charm of a sexy, charismatic French woman who just wants to show him around?

 

If he can do what hes doing regarding exes, even if hes not a partier, I could see him getting chummy with new exotic women.

 

The naivety of youth. We told you so...but you dont listen at all. You are worried about making it work...thats why you post on this forum.

 

You just dont ever wanna here any opinions that dont say "everything is gonna be alright". Im not Bob Marley.

 

Sit in your denial of the red flags that exist.

 

You get all upset whenever we warn you about this stuff, but youre so quick to sing this mans praises and sing the praises of those who agree with you.

 

Wake up and small the java.

 

PS - If I really loved a girl, I wouldnt have any problem with her cats moving in with me too. Pets are like children to some people...and as a cat lover myself...I couldnt see telling a chick no.

 

Grow up. This isnt about me. I know guys like him, and I know what they are weak to. And I know girls like you, and what they continue to ignore.

 

But again, youll get mad that someone is saying things you dont agree with. So youll make character attacks calling me bitter and insecure...and feigning some sort of boastfulness when making your emoticons and talking about jealousy. Honey, I wouldnt be jealous of you two. I wouldnt date a woman who was like him at all. And I definitely wouldnt date a young divorcee who rushes relationships and is rather impulsive.

 

Underneath those lame attempts at trying to come off as high and mighty in your wonderful relationship, you know theres something to everything Im saying. If they wasnt, you would feel the need to reply, make weak insults, or lame winky faces.

 

Im sure other people are like me, and not buying it right now.

 

 

 

I get the odd feeling that you are obsessed with me...

[kaylan]

I get the odd feeling that you are obsessed with me...

I guess so is everyone else who replies in your constant threads about this guy? Dont flatter yourself though. Its clear you simply cant handle a dissenting opinion.

You need help kaylan... I feel sorry for you.

lmao.

 

Pathetic reply. You dont like what I say, so you continue to try and insult me in some way. Why be so butt hurt. As I said before, prove me wrong. But I dont see this last past the beginning of the summer. Like someone said, every week you have something to post about this guy. And as Drsuessgirl said....some things arent adding up with the dynamic of this relationship.

 

Have fun.

[MrCastle]

We break up, I move out. How is that so difficult to understand?

What makes everyone think that if we broke up I would be some homeless woman? [/Quote]

 

Because you are currently unemployed, and have been very candid about not having a close relationship to your family and only having one real best friend, who has just recently had a baby so your hanging out time has been strained. Where would you go if you guys broke up this week?

 

I get that things can go wrong, but some people are taking it wayyyyy too far.

 

 

And take a look at my post history, seriously... I rarely come on here asking for advice, and when I do, it isn't necessarily because he has done something wrong, it is just trying to get advice.

Most times I come on here posting great things and then people jump on me for something, whether it be the fact that he works at walmart, or the fact that he is still in school, or that he didn't want me to bring a 6 week old baby over to his house for a whole night.... how are any of those things bad on his part? Or make him a bad man? I am constantly defending me, my relationship, and him against people on here and it honestly makes me sad.

 

I think, from what we can gather about him and about you, you guys are at two different stages of your life. That's how it seems at least to most of the people here. You seem to want to settle down rather soon, one of your recent posts talked about "when we get married". When, not if, as well as things like the baby situation where it seems you probably want to have a child a lot sooner than he would. From what you post, and that's all we can use to base our opinions--from what most of us gather, this man is laid back, and is taking a "I'm dating some cool chick, let's see where things go" approach, and you are "he's the one, we're getting married and having babies" approach.

 

In other words, it seems you are taking this relationship a lot more seriously than he is. And again, I'm not saying this is 100% what it is, but just from what you post, most people fear you are going to get burned. Their concern is that you are rushing into things.

[miss_jaclynrae]

It would be my choice. Why isn't yours?

 

 

 

Why is your only option to live with a guy? Have you ever dated a guy who was successful, accomplished and not a "fixer upper"? Have you ever been alone? Took time off from dating?

 

You are only 23 and have already been divorced. You didn't make a good choice the last time. Now we get a laundry list of issues (talks with Exes, works at Walmart, sex videos with Exes lying around, recovering Alcoholic, moved in a couple of months of knowing each other, etc.) from your current BF.

 

Are you only good enough and only attracted to "fixer uppers"?

 

 

 

You do realize that is not normal and healthy right?

 

 

 

Have you ever considered having a life, hobbies, interests, activities, etc. instead of making a man your God and putting all your eggs in one basket?

 

 

 

In your other thread about him leaving for France in August... You said yourself it was over and doomed and would enjoy it till he leaves.

 

Are you we suppose to tell you otherwise?

 

What are you going to do when he leaves?

 

 

 

Wouldn't it better to find / have a relationship with a man who doesn't have a laundry list of issues, who isn't a "fixer upper" and where it doesn't end with him leaving you?

 

I got divorced right before turning 21.

He was abusive, suffered from ptsd from his time spent in Afghanistan, and ultimately ended up cheating on me. I stood by him for 4 years, waited for him through countless separations, put my schooling on hold for move after move, and when problems arose went to counseling to do everything I could to salvage my marriage... I am tired of people bringing up my divorce.

At one point, he decided that he no longer wanted us to share our money, and since I merely worked at Starbucks he would make me give him blow jobs for spending money? Yeah, I stayed as long as I could, its a lose lose situation. People judge if you stay, people judge if you leave.

I loved being married and I tried with every bit of me to save it... it takes two to tango though.

 

 

Ive spent the last 2 years living it up and dating. Just having fun.

I have a life, I attend school full time, still spend time with family and my best friend.

 

You can say all those things about him are "problems" but I just don't see it as such, every man comes with his own personal issues, it is how he handles him that I find makes him a good man or not.

 

Oh and btw, read my thread about him leaving again... I never once said it was doomed, I sad I was sad yet happy for him. It will be a new chapter, and one that I am more than willing to experience.

[Drseussgrrl]

I got divorced right before turning 21.

He was abusive, suffered from ptsd from his time spent in Afghanistan, and ultimately ended up cheating on me. I stood by him for 4 years, waited for him through countless separations, put my schooling on hold for move after move, and when problems arose went to counseling to do everything I could to salvage my marriage... I am tired of people bringing up my divorce.

At one point, he decided that he no longer wanted us to share our money, and since I merely worked at Starbucks he would make me give him blow jobs for spending money? Yeah, I stayed as long as I could, its a lose lose situation. People judge if you stay, people judge if you leave.

I loved being married and I tried with every bit of me to save it... it takes two to tango though.

 

 

Ive spent the last 2 years living it up and dating. Just having fun.

I have a life, I attend school full time, still spend time with family and my best friend.

 

You can say all those things about him are "problems" but I just don't see it as such, every man comes with his own personal issues, it is how he handles him that I find makes him a good man or not.

 

Oh and btw, read my thread about him leaving again... I never once said it was doomed, I sad I was sad yet happy for him. It will be a new chapter, and one that I am more than willing to experience.

 

Girl - you're wrong. Not every dude comes with a laundry list of problems.

 

I think, quite frankly, you sell yourself WAY short when it comes to the men you date/marry.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Because you are currently unemployed, and have been very candid about not having a close relationship to your family and only having one real best friend, who has just recently had a baby so your hanging out time has been strained. Where would you go if you guys broke up this week?

 

 

 

I think, from what we can gather about him and about you, you guys are at two different stages of your life. That's how it seems at least to most of the people here. You seem to want to settle down rather soon, one of your recent posts talked about "when we get married". When, not if, as well as things like the baby situation where it seems you probably want to have a child a lot sooner than he would. From what you post, and that's all we can use to base our opinions--from what most of us gather, this man is laid back, and is taking a "I'm dating some cool chick, let's see where things go" approach, and you are "he's the one, we're getting married and having babies" approach.

 

In other words, it seems you are taking this relationship a lot more seriously than he is. And again, I'm not saying this is 100% what it is, but just from what you post, most people fear you are going to get burned. Their concern is that you are rushing into things.

 

I would move in with my aunt. I said my relationship with my family was strained, we have one, we just aren't very close. I went out on my own from a divorce, that was far more difficult. I had less than I have now.

 

 

You are mistaken btw about us being at different stages, we 100% want the same things. We talk about them often, marriage, a house, kids, he wants all of those things in the same exact time frame I do.

 

Just because I don't post our intimate conversations doesn't mean you can assume we don't have them at all.

I actually have stated many times how we are on the exact same time line.

 

 

He sees all those things with me, he tells me more often than not, and it is one reason why we also get along so well. We were open from the get go as to what we were looking for. We already seriously talk about what happens next july when he gets back. He brings them up far more than I do, it is exciting and he feels just as lucky to have me as I feel to have him.

 

 

People see what they want to see, they see that he had a problem baby sitting an INFANT overnight and gather "he must not want kids!" no, he wants them, he wants them at the right time just as I do. He just didn't want a 6 week old spending the night when he had work in the morning. I had many people actually defend him on that, and we talked about it and came to a compromise.

 

 

It just goes to show that it doesn't matter what I say anyways... people will judge based on what they see, and normally their perspective is minuscule.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Girl - you're wrong. Not every dude comes with a laundry list of problems.

 

I think, quite frankly, you sell yourself WAY short when it comes to the men you date/marry.

 

There someone goes again, labeling them as "problems".

 

They aren't problems for me, they actually make him a better man.

[Drseussgrrl]

There someone goes again, labeling them as "problems".

 

They aren't problems for me, they actually make him a better man.

 

Miss JR,

 

I know that you feel everyone here is ganging up on you and that you have to defend this very true "love of your life".

 

Some people are more harsh than others, and you know what? Truth be told I don't think your bf is a horrible person who's set out to break your heart.

 

I think, coming from woman who's older than you and having made my share of mistakes in love - you don't realize your full potential. You could have the world by the tail. I'm not sure why you felt the need to marry at such a young age to such an abusive asshat, but you got out without kids, which is great. You survived.

 

But I feel like you just don't feel that you DO deserve someone who's got their act together. There are so many bright, successful fun young men out there who are prepared to give you the house and white picket fence, and they'd be yours for the choosing. You are articulate and beautiful and emotional. But perhaps you don't see what we see.

 

You don't have to love an abuser, a recovering alcoholic, a dude with a swastika shaved into his hair, or someone who's going to leave you for a year. Hell, there are men out there who LOVE animals!

 

Outside of this relationship, what do you have going on? Do you belong to a gym? Do you have a group of girlfriends you meet for happy hour? Are there things you feel passionate about that you get involved in?

 

I just get the sense that your self-worth is defined by how some broken man is treating you at any given time. It's time to really examine this.

[Star Gazer]

You recently posted about being concerned about moving in together after 3 short months knowing that neither one of you had said ILY yet. Has that changed?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Miss JR,

 

I know that you feel everyone here is ganging up on you and that you have to defend this very true "love of your life".

 

Some people are more harsh than others, and you know what? Truth be told I don't think your bf is a horrible person who's set out to break your heart.

 

I think, coming from woman who's older than you and having made my share of mistakes in love - you don't realize your full potential. You could have the world by the tail. I'm not sure why you felt the need to marry at such a young age to such an abusive asshat, but you got out without kids, which is great. You survived.

 

But I feel like you just don't feel that you DO deserve someone who's got their act together. There are so many bright, successful fun young men out there who are prepared to give you the house and white picket fence, and they'd be yours for the choosing. You are articulate and beautiful and emotional. But perhaps you don't see what we see.

 

You don't have to love an abuser, a recovering alcoholic, a dude with a swastika shaved into his hair, or someone who's going to leave you for a year. Hell, there are men out there who LOVE animals!

 

Outside of this relationship, what do you have going on? Do you belong to a gym? Do you have a group of girlfriends you meet for happy hour? Are there things you feel passionate about that you get involved in?

 

I just get the sense that your self-worth is defined by how some broken man is treating you at any given time. It's time to really examine this.

 

 

I totally see what you are saying, that is the thing though, I have dated and met some great guys who DID have their stuff together, and for what everyone says, my guys actually DOES have his **** together, he just is a little late to the party.

 

 

 

I actually have a lot of hobbies, I do photography, and even though my friend base isn't huge, I do have a group of women I get with every once in a while. Life is busy though, not just because of him... but with school too?

Just because we spend so much time together doesn't mean we don't have lives, we just love one another company a LOT.

 

We have pretty active lives. We recently started playing tennis, and we meet up with his family every once in a while too. I am sure I could find a man settled in a career with a house and what not, but I would much rather be with a man who I honestly can call my best friend, and he is. In every way.

 

I am not saying he is the love of my life, do I hope so? Hell yes! We have so much fun, we get along swimmingly, and ultimately our chemistry is beyond describable. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't, but nothing so far has come up where I could even fathom it happening.

 

 

He likes animals btw, he isn't a big cat person, but one thing you missed in that thread was that I honestly couldn't keep them anymore. I seriously am busy. They are with family still, I am sure one day when we have more room we could bring them back, he mentioned that once we get a place he would have no problem with the cats.

 

He likes animals, lol we talk about them a lot, and I was sad to give mine away but I also knew that I had to, not because of him, but for THEIR sake. I was honestly not capable of taking care of them... life happens, trust me when I say I would have waited to get them if I knew where my life was going to go. Don't judge him on that, I haven't, he would have dealt with the cats if I truly told him that I HAD to keep them, but I couldn't keep them. 2 cats, downsized apartment, and the fact that I am not home enough... it all just seemed like a smarter move, for them.

[miss_jaclynrae]

You recently posted about being concerned about moving in together after 3 short months knowing that neither one of you had said ILY yet. Has that changed?

 

First of all, 5 months.

Second of all... that is no longer a concern.

[kaylan]

The fact that OP lingered around a guy with a swastika in his head and didnt bolt right there, tells us enough about her taste in men. We dont even need to go into her past marriage or current relationship.

 

Any reasonable man or woman I know would bolt from someone who seems to endorse the kind of hate that is within a swastika (unless we are taking of a guy from Asia, where the symbol means something positive)

[miss_jaclynrae]

The fact that OP lingered around a guy with a swastika in his head and didnt bolt right there, tells us enough about her taste in men. We dont even need to go into her past marriage or current relationship.

 

Any reasonable man or woman I know would bolt from someone who seems to endorse the kind of hate that is within a swastika (unless we are taking of a guy from Asia, where the symbol means something positive)

 

 

 

 

 

Grasping at straws.... Did you even read the thread? Lol

[kaylan]

Grasping at straws.... Did you even read the thread? Lol

Yes I did read that thread. And any reasonable woman would have been appalled at such a thing and bolted. They wouldnt have simply been like "oh hes a cool guy though" or "hmmm I didnt really think much of it" like you did in your thread. Hate-mongering idiots are never "cool"

[miss_jaclynrae]

Yes I did read that thread. And any reasonable woman would have been appalled at such a thing and bolted. They wouldnt have simply been like "oh hes a cool guy though" or "hmmm I didnt really think much of it" like you did in your thread. Hate-mongering idiots are never "cool"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your right, because I didn't bold must mean I condone it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are aware that I have dated more black men than white right?

It was one date, and I didn't realize he had I until the end of the date. Keep going though, please. It's interesting to see how badly you can paint me out to be.

[kaylan]

Your right, because I didn't bold must mean I condone it.

 

You are aware that I have dated more black men than white right?

It was one date, and I didn't realize he had I until the end of the date. Keep going though, please. It's interesting to see how badly you can paint me out to be.

Who said you condoned it? The fact that you were ok with it speaks different volumes though. You dating black men has nothing to do with your inability to see something wrong with a guy who has a swastika in his head. To simply say "I didnt want to jump to conclusions" makes no sense. Theres really easy conclusions to jump to when it comes to white guys and swastikas.

 

Im actually surprised that a girl who dates minorities could think a guy with a swastika in his head was a cool guy. Or that she somehow jumped to no conclusions about the guy. A girl who doesnt see an issue with that is a girl Im glad isnt dating a brother right now.

 

Im not trying to paint you bad. Im building on drsuessgirls earlier point. You have odd taste in men, and deserve better than what you settle for. You seem to seriously gloss over big issues, and you seem to take certain things too lightly. The fact that you see a guys problems as making him more of a man says a lot.

 

Shame more girls arent like you...because all the dudes on this site with glaring problems wouldnt be single if duplicates of you existed. You deserve better though.

Edited March 21, 2013 by kaylan

[miss_jaclynrae]

Who said you condoned it? The fact that you were ok with it speaks different volumes though. You dating black men has nothing to do with your inability to see something wrong with a guy who has a swastika in his head. To simply say "I didnt want to jump to conclusions" makes no sense. Theres really easy conclusions to jump to when it comes to white guys and swastikas.

 

Im actually surprised that a girl who dates minorities could think a guy with a swastika in his head was a cool guy. Or that she somehow jumped to no conclusions about the guy. A girl who doesnt see an issue with that is a girl Im glad isnt dating a brother right now.

 

Im not trying to paint you bad. Im building on drsuessgirls earlier point. You have odd taste in men, and deserve better than what you settle for. You seem to seriously gloss over big issues, and you seem to take certain things too lightly. The fact that you see a guys problems as making him more of a man says a lot.

 

Shame more girls arent like you...because all the dudes on this site with glaring problems wouldnt be single if duplicates of you existed. You deserve better though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you read it, you would see that I had no idea about it. Nor am I ok with it. People are allowed to do whatever they want though. What you fail to see is the fact that I did leave after, I didn't bolt, he was polite, but obviously his views are far from what I would ever consider being with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your point is invalid, if you are going to say I have odd taste in men, at least use an example where I at least went on more than one date with them.

[kaylan]

If you read it, you would see that I had no idea about it. Nor am I ok with it. People are allowed to do whatever they want though. What you fail to see is the fact that I did leave after, I didn't bolt, he was polite, but obviously his views are far from what I would ever consider being with.

 

Your point is invalid, if you are going to say I have odd taste in men, at least use an example where I at least went on more than one date with them.

My point was your reaction on the forum to it. You acted like it was no big deal. You said he was a cool guy. You said you didnt want to jump to conclusions regarding a hateful racist and anti-semite. I know you didnt continue to see him...but the fact that you could call some neo-nazi wannabe a cool guy...and say "oh I didnt wanna jump to conclusions" about him does say something to me about a person.

 

And Ive already used examples regarding your marriage and current relationship. So have several other people when it comes to telling you that you deserve better than what you appear to settle for.

 

Oh wells. Best o' luck to ya. Its not my life.

[StanMusial]

Miss JR,

 

I know that you feel everyone here is ganging up on you and that you have to defend this very true "love of your life".

 

I think, coming from woman who's older than you and having made my share of mistakes in love - you don't realize your full potential. You could have the world by the tail. I'm not sure why you felt the need to marry at such a young age to such an abusive asshat, but you got out without kids, which is great. You survived.

 

But I feel like you just don't feel that you DO deserve someone who's got their act together. There are so many bright, successful fun young men out there who are prepared to give you the house and white picket fence, and they'd be yours for the choosing. You are articulate and beautiful and emotional. But perhaps you don't see what we see.

 

You don't have to love an abuser, a recovering alcoholic, a dude with a swastika shaved into his hair, or someone who's going to leave you for a year. Hell, there are men out there who LOVE animals!

 

 

I'm not ganging up on OP, however we've all made the general observation that for whatever reason many girls go for the wrong type of guy. This is NOT to characterize OP's relationship, I don't know her or her bf. I'm just picturing some gals I've know in the past and the messes they got into. Sure there are plenty of guys that would treat a girl really well. Maybe they just don't "do it" for her. It is what it is.

 

To OP, IMO keeping some sort of memento of an intimate relationship around, when that relationship has long since expired, seems wrong to me - since he is now involved with you. You are right to call him out on it and I don't doubt he might pout about it a little bit but give him a little time to see if he comes around to your point of view.

 

Lastly, I don't understand why anyone feels the need to make a sex tape or sexy pictures. Especially these days, with social networks and smart phones and instantaneous technology. You're just asking for trouble. Isn't a fond memory enough any more?

[miss_jaclynrae]

My point was your reaction on the forum to it. You acted like it was no big deal. You said he was a cool guy. You said you didnt want to jump to conclusions regarding a hateful racist and anti-semite. I know you didnt continue to see him...but the fact that you could call some neo-nazi wannabe a cool guy...and say "oh I didnt wanna jump to conclusions" about him does say something to me about a person.

 

And Ive already used examples regarding your marriage and current relationship. So have several other people when it comes to telling you that you deserve better than what you appear to settle for.

 

Oh wells. Best o' luck to ya. Its not my life.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh wait, so now you are an informed expert on my marriage? Do tell!

And you know what? He was a cool guy, good date, and polite. None of those things in any way are me saying he is my type.

What is your point though? We just cleared up he wasn't my type so did you bring it up just to try to make me seem like I have this thing where I find Neo nazis cool? Try again.

 

 

Seriously, you try to paint yourself well as if you are just attacking me because you think I could do better yet all you are really trying to do is insult me. You really think I could do better... Great. You could have said that and not contradicted uourself with all the other bs.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'm not ganging up on OP, however we've all made the general observation that for whatever reason many girls go for the wrong type of guy. This is NOT to characterize OP's relationship, I don't know her or her bf. I'm just picturing some gals I've know in the past and the messes they got into. Sure there are plenty of guys that would treat a girl really well. Maybe they just don't "do it" for her. It is what it is.

 

To OP, IMO keeping some sort of memento of an intimate relationship around, when that relationship has long since expired, seems wrong to me - since he is now involved with you. You are right to call him out on it and I don't doubt he might pout about it a little bit but give him a little time to see if he comes around to your point of view.

 

Lastly, I don't understand why anyone feels the need to make a sex tape or sexy pictures. Especially these days, with social networks and smart phones and instantaneous technology. You're just asking for trouble. Isn't a fond memory enough any more?

 

 

 

Thanks Stan. He deleted it as soon as I brought it up and apologized for having it. I was going through old albums, so it wasn't just laying around.

 

 

 

 

I made some with my ex, just as one of those "spice things up" situations.

[kaylan]

Oh wait, so now you are an informed expert on my marriage? Do tell!

And you know what? He was a cool guy, good date, and polite. None of those things in any way are me saying he is my type.

What is your point though? We just cleared up he wasn't my type so did you bring it up just to try to make me seem like I have this thing where I find Neo nazis cool? Try again.

 

My point was that I dont know of anyone who will call a hate mongerer a cool person. By the sheer weight of his beliefs, he is in fact not a cool guy, and only put on a show for you in hopes of getting laid. How do you not see that? Its like when Dennis Rodman met the President of North Korea a few weeks ago. Sure he was a cool guy to Rodman...but people thought Rodman was an idiot for asserting that a harsh dictator who does horrible things was a cool dude all because of his behavior in that one instance. I could go back in time, and even if some KKK leader was somehow a nice guy to me, I still wouldnt call him a nice guy based on his racist beliefs.

Seriously, you try to paint yourself well as if you are just attacking me because you think I could do better yet all you are really trying to do is insult me. You really think I could do better... Great. You could have said that and not contradicted uourself with all the other bs.

Keep getting butthurt and defensive. No one claimed to be an expert. YOU decided to come to an open forum asking for relationship advice. And your past and current relationships tell us, especially the older more experience women here, plenty about your decision making process. It also tells us plenty about the kind of guys you deal with and seem to settle for.

Edited March 21, 2013 by kaylan