Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Well, what do you do if you have seen porn listed on the internet history, but he hasn't said anything to you about it. I tried to watch "Real Sex" (HBO special) and he was uncomfortable - I haven't told him that I know because he will consider it snooping and probably will just zero in on that, but geez, looking at porn is insulting. Luckily, he usually doesn't do it the day we plan to hang out together, so maybe it is just a release? And from what I have seen; he is only on the sites for about 5-10 minutes on the days I have seen listed, so I can assume he is just masterbating, right? How do you bring up such an issue with your boyfriend in a way that isn't insulting or degrading cuz I am sure he isn't too proud of the fact he looks at the women, but maybe I am wrong? We still have sex about 3 times a week, but when he denies me, how can I not assum it is because he would rather look at a 2-dimensional figure and jack-off to her? The girls he looks at are usually opposite of me in looks too. My therapist says not to worry that most men look at porn cuz it is ingrained to spread their seed to a number of partner, and I am fairly open-minded when it comes to sex, but I am torn about this. I have never dealt with this type of situation before. What is considered a sexual addiction? how many times a week do they have to look at it to be considered a "real" addiction? Maybe this is why he doesn't want to have sex as much?
faux Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 If you want to know why he doesn't want to have sex as much, you would be far better off asking him rather than making ridiculous assumptions that porn is an influential factor. Your guy doesn't seem to be doing anything out of the ordinary, and "addiction" never even crossed my mind when I read your post. It seems that, to most women, if a man looks at porn he is automatically an out of control addict. Perhaps your boyfriend is stressed out lately. Maybe he's had a hard time at work, or at school, ran into bad traffic, or something else. There are many reasons why someone might not want to have sex as much with his partner, especially after he becomes more comfortable and "settled in" to the relationship. If you are associating love with how many times your boyfriend wants to bonk you a week, you should perhaps change your outlook on things. I think the issue at hand here is some insecurities on your part, as you "can't help but think" he would rather look at photographs of other women than be with you. Your boyfriend is in a relationship with you, and when he does have sex he is having it with you. Not everyone wants to have sex all the time, and the amount of times per week, or month, cannot accurately measure the health, or strength, of a relationship. As for your boyfriend viewing porn, and masturbating to it — This is absolutely none of your business, to tell the truth. If you insist on approaching him over it, be VERY gental. Ones right to view porn and masturbate is VERY private, and I personally do not appreciate others butting in on that sort of thing. I feel violated when it happens. Having a boyfriend is not owning your boyfriend; He has the freedom to view such things and love himself, too.
expos Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 that last post was completely on the money....very truthful. maybe you can help me with my post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47364/ Thanks.
bluetuesday Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 Hi Moka I've gotta go with Faux on this. I don't think you have any right to know what your boyfriend looks at on the net, assuming the porn he's looking at is legal. Hell, if you looked at my internet history you'd find porn - it's pretty normal for men and women to look at images they find a turn on, and it really has nothing to do with how we view our partners or how many times a week we want to have sex with them. If there are relationship problems and insecurities going on, bringing his porn use into the equation will probably hurt and confuse him. He'll know you've been sneaking about behind his back and fail to understand how something as brief as occasional visits to porn sites has been blown out of all proportion. But if porn is a complete turn off for you (even the stuff made for women by women) please tackle your boyfriend with some tact. It'd be grossly unfair to accuse him of being an addict or a pervert or anything else you fear when all he's doing is engaging in a perfectly healthy sexual activity and release.
Author Moka_maverick Posted September 10, 2004 Author Posted September 10, 2004 Originally posted by bluetuesday Hi Moka I've gotta go with Faux on this. I don't think you have any right to know what your boyfriend looks at on the net, assuming the <A TITLE="Click for more information about porn" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||porn|AA1VDw">porn</A> he's looking at is legal. Hell, if you looked at my internet history you'd find porn - it's pretty normal for men and women to look at images they find a turn on, and it really has nothing to do with how we view our partners or how many times a week we want to have sex with them. If there are relationship problems and insecurities going on, bringing his porn use into the equation will probably hurt and confuse him. He'll know you've been sneaking about behind his back and fail to understand how something as brief as occasional visits to porn sites has been blown out of all proportion. But if porn is a complete turn off for you (even the stuff made for women by women) please tackle your boyfriend with some tact. It'd be grossly unfair to accuse him of being an addict or a pervert or anything else you fear when all he's doing is engaging in a perfectly healthy sexual activity and release. Thanks guys. It is nice to have a male's perspective on things. It is just hard to not compare yourself to the women he is looking at, and I know that that is mostly my problem I need to work on.
manofmystrey Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 hey moka Dont even fret about comparing urself to the other girls. He is not looking at the images cause the girls are hot or anything like that. He loves u and respects u and he is hot for u, but the images are something different that maybe he feels embarrsed to admit that he likes or that he wants to try, but does not want to make u feel akward about it cause he loves u too much to ask u if that is something u are willing to be into. In fact if u were to bring it up with him bring it up in that type of matter if he would like to try those things if u are willing, but be sensitive. I would advise u dont bring it up but if u did do like that. Men dont look at porn cause they dont find their mates attractive, they look at it for thrills. Like when someone speeds on the highway when they are not late, they are doing for the excitment and that is the way u should look at it. Plus most of those girls are fake and most men know it.
Author Moka_maverick Posted September 13, 2004 Author Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by bluetuesday Last time I looked I was a woman. Sorry, my bad!
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