mugirl213 Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 OK so I'm in a bit of a quandry. I'm worried about my relationship b/c my boyfriend doesn't quite seem himself lately. I don't know what to do, or if i should talk to him about it (I tend to talk things to death sometimes and have been trying really hard to NOT do that lately.) Here's where things stand. Aug. 27 was the last time we had sex. This was a Friday night before he left for a business trip to Vegas Sunday morning. So, he was essentially gone Aug 28 through the evening of September 1. He was home for 2 full days, normal for one, "off" for the other (and we didn't have sex these days b/c I was having my TOM). Then I saw him Friday morning, Sept. 3 before he left for the entirety of Labor Day weekend and didn't get back til 10 PM Monday. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and so far Thursday have passed where we could have had sex, yet nothing. That's the sex issue. Then there's the jealousy issue (mine). He is a very confident man. Which is very attractive. However, he is also rather...UNmodest when it comes to his looks. He's a very attractive man, and he doesn't hesitate to let me know that other people find him attractive too. Two recent incidents are: 1. While he was away for Labor Day, he called me semi-drunk from the bar and said how girls were hitting on him, yet he told them why would he want them when he has the best girl in the world? 2. The trash lady at work told him that she knows someone who has a crush on him (we work for the same company). And he tells me all the time how "everyone wants to have sex w/him" (semi-joking) but it doesn' tmatter b/c I have him and he doesn't want anyone else. Then there's the mysterious issue...last night we went for CHinese food and he told me to grab my hair clip out of the back of the car. I said, OK and then saw it wasn't mine and said so. He thought I was joking. I said no, not at all...it's not mine. who's is it? and he said he honestly didn't know, that no girls were in his car as of late, and he didn't know of anyone who would wear something in that style. I asked him to pinky swear (our ultimate truth swear) that he was being honest on this and not being deceitful. He did and said that he swore on our relationship he wasn't. Those are the cons. The facts are, he's never cheated on anyone and his last serious relationship ended b/c his girlfriend at the time cheated on him. He's very big on honesty and communication. i've asked him what's wrong and he claims he's just stressed. Work and his family. His dad is moving away from the home he's known all his life (nearer to him), and his brother is moving back to the USA after being stationed in Columbia for 2 years. Now, his dad and bro were pissed at him for not being around Labor Day weekend cause they needed his help. Plus he needs to keep helping them, with moving, etc. So all this logically says he's stressed and that's it. But I'm worried/paranoid. He's still loving and affectionate. There is kissing and touching, yet still no sex. And the hair clip has me paranoid. I am insecure...but I just don't know if I'm overanalyzing this...or if I am being blind. Help? (Plus for what it's worth, we live together)
Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 Originally posted by mugirl213 OK so I'm in a bit of a quandry. I'm worried about my relationship b/c my boyfriend doesn't quite seem himself lately. I don't know what to do, or if i should talk to him about it (I tend to talk things to death sometimes and have been trying really hard to NOT do that lately.) Here's where things stand. Aug. 27 was the last time we had sex. This was a Friday night before he left for a business trip to Vegas Sunday morning. So, he was essentially gone Aug 28 through the evening of September 1. He was home for 2 full days, normal for one, "off" for the other (and we didn't have sex these days b/c I was having my TOM). Then I saw him Friday morning, Sept. 3 before he left for the entirety of Labor Day weekend and didn't get back til 10 PM Monday. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and so far Thursday have passed where we could have had sex, yet nothing. That's the sex issue. Then there's the jealousy issue (mine). He is a very confident man. Which is very attractive. However, he is also rather...UNmodest when it comes to his looks. He's a very attractive man, and he doesn't hesitate to let me know that other people find him attractive too. Two recent incidents are: 1. While he was away for Labor Day, he called me semi-drunk from the bar and said how girls were hitting on him, yet he told them why would he want them when he has the best girl in the world? 2. The trash lady at work told him that she knows someone who has a crush on him (we work for the same company). And he tells me all the time how "everyone wants to have sex w/him" (semi-joking) but it doesn' tmatter b/c I have him and he doesn't want anyone else. Then there's the mysterious issue...last night we went for CHinese food and he told me to grab my hair clip out of the back of the <A TITLE="Click for more information about car" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||cars|AA1VDw">car</A>. I said, OK and then saw it wasn't mine and said so. He thought I was joking. I said no, not at all...it's not mine. who's is it? and he said he honestly didn't know, that no girls were in his car as of late, and he didn't know of anyone who would wear something in that style. I asked him to pinky swear (our ultimate truth swear) that he was being honest on this and not being deceitful. He did and said that he swore on our relationship he wasn't. Those are the cons. The facts are, he's never cheated on anyone and his last serious relationship ended b/c his girlfriend at the time cheated on him. He's very big on honesty and communication. i've asked him what's wrong and he claims he's just stressed. Work and his family. His dad is moving away from the home he's known all his life (nearer to him), and his brother is moving back to the USA after being stationed in Columbia for 2 years. Now, his dad and bro were pissed at him for not being around Labor Day weekend cause they needed his help. Plus he needs to keep helping them, with moving, etc. So all this logically says he's stressed and that's it. But I'm worried/paranoid. He's still loving and affectionate. There is kissing and touching, yet still no sex. And the hair clip has me paranoid. I am insecure...but I just don't know if I'm overanalyzing this...or if I am being blind. Help? (Plus for what it's worth, we live together) Five days, no sex and you live together? That is tough - sometimes seeing one another all the time isn't helpful (from my experience), but if he says he's stressed, that may just be it. The hair clip thing is really weird. Did he take his car out of town? HAve you asked him why he doesn't want to have sex?
Author mugirl213 Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 I asked him if he was still attracted to me..he says yes. And there is kissing, touching, etc. But no sex! Like I said, he has been traveling and there has been my period to contend with..but still! Plus, though we do live together, we persue separate hobbies (i.e. he'll play video games, I'll read, etc.). As for the car...no..not really. He went to visit his friend, but left his car at his friends house all weekend...and the friend drove while at the shore. The only thing I could think of was when we went camping at the beginning of August and took a female friend of ours home...but it was sitting ON his back seat..not on the floor or something. And he doesn't think it's really old. i.e. an ex's who got pushed under the seat or something.
Moka_maverick Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I don't think you should worry so much. Sounds like this guy is being honest. Have you noticed any peculiar phone calls or behavior (other than lack of sex)? Try giving him a massage and making him dinner...maybe that will help to show him you are feeling bad for his stresses, and want to be there for him. The clip - that could have been the friend's clip or maybe the friend he went to visit had his girlfrien or girl who is a friend in the car?
Author mugirl213 Posted September 9, 2004 Author Posted September 9, 2004 Well I asked our mutual friend if it was hers...she said she didn't miss one, but she'd have to see it to be certain. It couldn't be his friend's girlfriends b/c he left his car at his house. I.e. my bf drove from Point a to point b, left his car at point b and then drove with his friend, in the friend's car to point c. (I suggested the same thing you did, he said no and explained why) He seems genuinely baffled...it just seems weird to me. But thanks for the suggestions..I might have to try them.
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