Author Amelie1980 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Mine split up with me as we had one disagreement...he said he couldn't love me after that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I did everything right last time and it still wasn't enough. I had the best attitude etc and it still went wrong. I got ditched for y taste in music among other trivial things Doing "everything right" does not a long lasting relationship make. Maybe the guy was a douche - and maybe he actually felt a lack of compatibility with you. This doesn't mean you did something "wrong." It means that he felt you and he weren't the right match. I'm sorry for the pain of breaking up you're going through. I think we've all been there. But 9 - 10 months is a relatively short time, and honestly you should be glad that it ended so soon rather than after you'd invested years in a relationship where the other person was not feeling it so much. You do show a lot of negativity and victim mindset in your posts here. Those things are not conducive to finding a good relationship and being able to maintain one. To your original post - yes, I do believe that OLD can contribute to the mindset that someone "better" might always be just a click away. Oh well. It's still a useable resource, if you can handle that aspect. I met my husband that way and I'm grateful every day for OLD! I never would have crossed paths with him otherwise. 1
siankat Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 @Amelie The fact he said he 'doesn't feel the butterflies anymore' makes him seem like a bit of a butterfly himself. Flitting from one flower (person) to the next. It seems you felt a lot deeper. That is a good thing! Be glad to be someone open to love. I'm sorry he broke you down and trampled on each part of you. Can't you see that that is his weakness? To be so nasty. The closeness you felt makes it hard i know. If you are the strong person you say you feel you were, you will remember that there's only one opinion that counts, and that's yours. @Mack05 You are right in saying that only certain ppl write on here...those that are not over something/someone yet and still need to understand or process (me included). And sometimes i think people want to force their recovery methods and speed onto other ppl (emm...also guilty:) but everyone is at a different stage of their breakup and healing! So it isn't one size fits all. If you say you are going to leave someone's thread, do it I've seen you do that twice now! Just noticed..
destroyed4sho Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I just give up. Since I got depressed my mother decided to try and help to bring me out of it....my mothers only way of dealing with people is to scream shout and swear and day the most atrocious and vindictive things. telling me it was all my fault and no wonder he split up with me....I've got no family support and I'm just so fed up. we must be sisters bc we have the same mother... i have NO support either. my friends are sick of hearing about it too...dont want to bothe them anymore. it really tough time in mu life.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 we must be sisters bc we have the same mother... i have NO support either. my friends are sick of hearing about it too...dont want to bothe them anymore. it really tough time in mu life. When you get to a point where your friends are sick of hearing about a break up, it means you're talking about it too much. Rehashing the past over and over and over again isn't going to help you, it's going to hurt you. I'm really sorry you're going through such a tough time. You do have support here. But you also need some tough love.
destroyed4sho Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 When you get to a point where your friends are sick of hearing about a break up, it means you're talking about it too much. Rehashing the past over and over and over again isn't going to help you, it's going to hurt you. I'm really sorry you're going through such a tough time. You do have support here. But you also need some tough love. I know its been really tough...nc 3 + months breakup 8 months...close to a year...wtf?! I am over, would never want her back but there so many questions, no answers open doors that need to be shut. Its the relationship and how it ended that Im havig difficulty swallowing. Everyone on here says i have to give myself closure..but what are the steps? Anyway, i have gotten much better but still think aboit it alot and when i dont i crash later. any advice??
ThatJustHappened Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I know its been really tough...nc 3 + months breakup 8 months...close to a year...wtf?! I am over, would never want her back but there so many questions, no answers open doors that need to be shut. Its the relationship and how it ended that Im havig difficulty swallowing. Everyone on here says i have to give myself closure..but what are the steps? Anyway, i have gotten much better but still think aboit it alot and when i dont i crash later. any advice?? Distract yourself. Fake it til you make it. If you start thinking about him, force yourself to think about something else. You've already gotten better..you have nowhere to go but up. Eventually you'll think back on it and be completely ok.
Author Amelie1980 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Back to the original How online dating is killing commitment: Millions of women think love is just a click away but an internet romance can ruin your chance of a lasting relationship | Mail Online
siankat Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 It has its pros and cons. However you feel more comfortable meeting people. Sure there are serial online daters who do think there is a pool of women/men a click away to strike something up with. Depends what you want going into it. Maybe people with less success in meeting people than average in life go on and it's like 'wow i'm a prize' because their success hooking up with people online is higher than when meeting people in life. Only takes one good photo and a well thought out or copied blurb to attract. Real life it's different. So sure if someone has more success online than offline they revert to it as an easy way of feeling desirable i guess. With no real intention of finding someone long term. It all depends what a person wants. People lie about what they want and feel, even to people that get very close to them. You want a relationship with them, they say they want a relationship with you. You go with that and are happy. Seems you are getting what you want! They harbour other ideas. People lie. We just have to be smart at a certain point. There are always going to be 'flags' i think. No matter who you date. When you see some, file it, don't ignore. But carry on till you have enough to make a decision either way. My mum always said, if a man takes one step back you take two. I didn't do that and was soo caught up in that amazing feeling of falling for someone i thought was a good guy and wanted to be with me that i made more allowances and compromises. Everything we do has to be a choice made in our best interests. Relationships are about compromise as well though. It's finding a balance so that if the relationship does flounder, you still have you. Sometimes our feelings for a person don't have as much to do with them as we think, when all is said and done. Like others have posted, a lot of the awful feelings we feel have to do with fear of the future without them, fear of the unknown. When we were so happy with them, we want back. I don't think any union gives you total happiness or shelter from life. I've seen people, truly in love with their spouse, where their spouse needs to be strong to put up with their depression or whatever for example. They do this by retaining their identity as an entity. A good friend married the love of her life (she wasn't his but she accepts this), and finds married life hard. Euphoria diminishes, reality sets in. Someone cannot rescue you. I think when your feelings are soo strong and you feel so bad about losing someone, now is not the time to decide either way if you want them or not (regardless of who left who). It's the feelings that drive the despair. Not the other person. It's up to you how to deal with it. Good thing is nothing is forever (even breakups, sometimes). We have to be ok on our own. Even after a terrible breakup. Or we cannot really be in a healthy relationship with another person. Sorry for the looong post, started writing it with regards to the post and i had some of your other posts in mind Amelie as i went along so i'm sure i have digressed. Hope you take what is said in a helpful way and is in no way meant to belittle how you feel or what you are going through. I have been on the brink of...before. Boring but true...we keep being dished up the same scenario in different guises until we learn the lesson hidden within it. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 It has its pros and cons. However you feel more comfortable meeting people. Sure there are serial online daters who do think there is a pool of women/men a click away to strike something up with. Depends what you want going into it. Maybe people with less success in meeting people than average in life go on and it's like 'wow i'm a prize' because their success hooking up with people online is higher than when meeting people in life. Only takes one good photo and a well thought out or copied blurb to attract. Real life it's different. So sure if someone has more success online than offline they revert to it as an easy way of feeling desirable i guess. With no real intention of finding someone long term. It all depends what a person wants. People lie about what they want and feel, even to people that get very close to them. You want a relationship with them, they say they want a relationship with you. You go with that and are happy. Seems you are getting what you want! They harbour other ideas. People lie. We just have to be smart at a certain point. There are always going to be 'flags' i think. No matter who you date. When you see some, file it, don't ignore. But carry on till you have enough to make a decision either way. My mum always said, if a man takes one step back you take two. I didn't do that and was soo caught up in that amazing feeling of falling for someone i thought was a good guy and wanted to be with me that i made more allowances and compromises. Everything we do has to be a choice made in our best interests. Relationships are about compromise as well though. It's finding a balance so that if the relationship does flounder, you still have you. Sometimes our feelings for a person don't have as much to do with them as we think, when all is said and done. Like others have posted, a lot of the awful feelings we feel have to do with fear of the future without them, fear of the unknown. When we were so happy with them, we want back. I don't think any union gives you total happiness or shelter from life. I've seen people, truly in love with their spouse, where their spouse needs to be strong to put up with their depression or whatever for example. They do this by retaining their identity as an entity. A good friend married the love of her life (she wasn't his but she accepts this), and finds married life hard. Euphoria diminishes, reality sets in. Someone cannot rescue you. I think when your feelings are soo strong and you feel so bad about losing someone, now is not the time to decide either way if you want them or not (regardless of who left who). It's the feelings that drive the despair. Not the other person. It's up to you how to deal with it. Good thing is nothing is forever (even breakups, sometimes). We have to be ok on our own. Even after a terrible breakup. Or we cannot really be in a healthy relationship with another person. Sorry for the looong post, started writing it with regards to the post and i had some of your other posts in mind Amelie as i went along so i'm sure i have digressed. Hope you take what is said in a helpful way and is in no way meant to belittle how you feel or what you are going through. I have been on the brink of...before. Boring but true...we keep being dished up the same scenario in different guises until we learn the lesson hidden within it. Amazing post Siankat! :bunny: I'm of two minds about online dating. It helps us get to know people better..people are a lot braver when there's a computer screen between them and the other person, and we're able to reveal a lot more about ourselves. But that also means we can hide a lot more and lie much easier. But if you trust your instincts and take precautions (don't open up too soon, meet in a public place the first few times..etc), I think it's an overall positive thing if you allow it to be. I also want to add that women watch too many romantic comedies, and they expect far too much. There's not just one person for everyone and you're not magically going to meet-cute one day and live happily ever after. It takes time, and it takes a few heartbreaks, and yes it hurts like hell but it gives us the coping skills we need..and playing the perpetual victim is unattractive to everyone..friends, family, and potential partners. I'm not calling you out Amelie..I mean that generally.
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