Echo000 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Going through my first breakup after dating my first love, and today marks two months exactly of no contact. Definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever had to deal with, and I have found certain truths that may help others. Here they are: 1. Breakups hurt. Duh. Yet, despite knowing this, people try to fight the feelings of pain. Let me tell you- that often will cause only more pain. Accept it- accept the pain, the hurt, the sadness. One must grieve in order to heal. Don't take this as an excuse to mope around and not progress through life. You must continue on, but that does not mean you should avoid the realistic pain that comes with a breakup. 2. Talk about it, but don't overdo it. Your friends want to see you happy and healthy, and I think it is good to share your feelings with them. Do not, however, text/call them every day about how bad you feel about your ex. Over time, it waters down your emotions in others eyes- you become that annoying person whose sole contribution to daily conversation centers on how terrible your ex was/how much you miss him or her. Dont be this person. 3. There is no one way to get over him/her. Some like to keep count of how many days of no contact they have accomplished..while others find that it holds them back from forgetting and moving forward. Do the things that will best help YOU move forward. I personally know how many days its been since I started NC bc it was the same day my semester started..and I am okay knowing this information. It helps me move forward, and for me it works. Find the little habits that work for you that empower your ability to march forward, and do them. 4. Remember that the EX that is bringing you so much pain and misery (albeit through their actions or merely their absence) is merely a human being. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our pain (and in the thoughts that flood our brains) that we give our ex bf/gf almost mythical powers. They become this being that can have whoever they want, that dont care at all about us, that the mere mention of their name can cause us pain. Take a step back, and recognize that they are probably thinking the exact same things about you. They are human. Do not forget that. 5. Your thoughts, speculations, curiosities, reasoning, curiosity, etc., gets you NO WHERE. Actually, I take that back- it does get it you somewhere--down a negative path/downward spiral. The more you think about what you could have/should have done differently, whether he/she will contact you again, what is going to happen, blah blah blah, you are only torturing yourself. Let it go- you dont have to be religious or believe everything has a reason to let the pieces lay where they fell. Things happen as they happen, and they will happen as they will happen. Simple as that. Let future you worry about future problems. You got enough to deal with in the here and now. 6. Smile, because this breakup just made you a little more interesting. Thats right. With the pain you feel and the struggle you are experiencing, you are being fed the raw ingredients to grow and expand as a human being. You are traveling the spectrum of human emotions, and will be able to relate to more people than you ever would have been able to before. You have a greater understanding of love, and the power behind it. The beauty of it, and the potential danger of it. You will be able to understand peoples, places, and songs that never made sense to you before. You are still you, just that much better, that much stronger, that much bigger. All this gained from a simple break up. You ought to say thank you. I hope these words bring some insight/comfort for those who reside in a dark place right now. Just know that there is a beauty to the struggle. -Echo000 9
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Wow I must say I really enjoyed this whole piece. It was very insightful and uplifting great job. I think my favorite was number 6. It definitely makes for a more interesting person having experienced the whole range of human emotion. 1
crimsoncurrent Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Going through my first breakup after dating my first love, and today marks two months exactly of no contact. Definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever had to deal with, and I have found certain truths that may help others. Here they are: I personally know how many days its been since I started NC bc it was the same day my semester started.. 5. -Echo000 Wow, interestingly, that's how I know how many days its been since NC with my ex: it was the first day of classes this semester. I'm a little over 2 months of NC, and I can honestly say, your post was very insightful. Thank so much!
Author Echo000 Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks for the response..glad you guys found some insight with it. Just things I have learned along the way.
westjames111 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 This is so true! I love this post! I am 2 months from the break up and only 2 weeks NC. i can already feel the difference even though some days are worse than others. #2 on your list is a big rule! I broke this rule and pissed a lot of people off. Be subtle about your feeling but DO NOT keep them bottled up.
Author Echo000 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 yea and those that overdo it to the point of annoying people will lose friends that way-- or be seen differently (in a more negative light). I feel for those that want to share ( i want to share to), but one must do so in moderation.
siankat Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 @ Echo THanks for number 6 No break up is ever the same and this last one, i got out of, not when i had had enough and was at my wits end but when my head told me to (so earlier than usual), and i handled it and him with respect so it is a new experience for me (compared to the dramas of the past), and i really hope that this is a 'step up' from which i will approach the next relationship; with increased maturity and respect for him and me and that can only be a positive even though now im stuck in a bit of a mire of getting over him
Author Echo000 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 you got a great attitude..keep moving forward. that attitude will land you a great relationship in the future 1
Compromize Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 This is great stuff! This place has been a godsend to me. Back at day 1 of NC again But this time it's different. #2 - So not doing this anymore, to bring her up and give her my time in this way gives her power over me that I am keeping for myself. And to think, I used to tell people how wonderful and amazing she was last year! I will get to that place again, with a wonderful woman to be proud to be with and a real future this time.
CompleteFailure Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 1. Breakups hurt... Accept it- accept the pain, the hurt, the sadness. One must grieve in order to heal. Don't take this as an excuse to mope around and not progress through life. You must continue on, but that does not mean you should avoid the realistic pain that comes with a breakup. -Agreed, but its so hard pushing forward. When you've known something and be doing it one way for so long, its damn near impossible to break out of it. 2. Talk about it, but don't overdo it. Your friends want to see you happy and healthy, and I think it is good to share your feelings with them. Do not, however, text/call them every day about how bad you feel about your ex. Over time, it waters down your emotions in others eyes- you become that annoying person whose sole contribution to daily conversation centers on how terrible your ex was/how much you miss him or her. Dont be this person. -This makes me sad as I have no one but the internet to vent or seek help from. I must be this guy, but can't help to let my words flow due do some form of anonymity. 3. There is no one way to get over him/her... Find the little habits that work for you that empower your ability to march forward, and do them. -I find this helps to preoccupy the mind of depressing thoughts. Its when you stop moving forward that suddenly the past catches up to drown you in a flood of things you thought you had just moved past... 10 mins ago. 5. Your thoughts, speculations, curiosities, reasoning, curiosity, etc., gets you NO WHERE. Actually, I take that back- it does get it you somewhere--down a negative path/downward spiral. The more you think about what you could have/should have done differently, whether he/she will contact you again, what is going to happen, blah blah blah, you are only torturing yourself. Let it go- you dont have to be religious or believe everything has a reason to let the pieces lay where they fell. Things happen as they happen, and they will happen as they will happen. Simple as that. Let future you worry about future problems. You got enough to deal with in the here and now. -One could argue that thinking all those thoughts torturing one's self IS in the here and now. How do you let the future YOU deal with the future thoughts if they are in the present? I think this closely follows number 3, as thinking or simply ignoring the thoughts doesn't help you to move forward, you must act for the now because the actions of you doing is what carries you onwards. 6. Smile, because this breakup just made you a little more interesting. Thats right. With the pain you feel and the struggle you are experiencing, you are being fed the raw ingredients to grow and expand as a human being. You are traveling the spectrum of human emotions, and will be able to relate to more people than you ever would have been able to before. You have a greater understanding of love, and the power behind it. The beauty of it, and the potential danger of it. You will be able to understand peoples, places, and songs that never made sense to you before. You are still you, just that much better, that much stronger, that much bigger. All this gained from a simple break up. You ought to say thank you. -I liked this one most as I can relate with regards to feeling like I have a greater understanding of love. My first adult breakup. My first love. The lyrics of songs suddenly jump out and touch me in ways they didn't before. The naivety of movies and humor in certain situations makes me want to cry or laugh harder at how absurd it all is. However, I don't feel like saying thank you for it at all, unless to say thanks that it happened now instead of further along down that road. I hope these words bring some insight/comfort for those who reside in a dark place right now. Just know that there is a beauty to the struggle. -Echo000 My responses in bold, italic. When you're in the thick its hard to really appreciate the great advice given. Only when we've been able to move on a bit do we look back and say, a ha! I'm not sure where I am, but thank you for these insights as some do hit close to home.
Author Echo000 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 i appreciate your thoughts..i agree. These arent fool proof bullet points..and they often sound great on paper but much more difficult to adhere to/apply in reality. But i think that most of these points can be lived by, if you are mentally at the point to take them in. The "thank you" one is hard, and i hesitated before writing that 6th point. But one day you will be thankful for the pain and hurt you feel now. If you can say thanks now, maybe that day will come sooner than you think when you look back on your suffering as a pivotal point in your development as a stronger, more capable and deep man/woman.
CompleteFailure Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 i appreciate your thoughts..i agree. These arent fool proof bullet points..and they often sound great on paper but much more difficult to adhere to/apply in reality. But i think that most of these points can be lived by, if you are mentally at the point to take them in. The "thank you" one is hard, and i hesitated before writing that 6th point. But one day you will be thankful for the pain and hurt you feel now. If you can say thanks now, maybe that day will come sooner than you think when you look back on your suffering as a pivotal point in your development as a stronger, more capable and deep man/woman. I know exactly what you mean, I'm glad you risked it and added it in anyway. I am thankful in ways, because if this event didn't occur, I'd still be stuck and would have never bothered to do research or strive to figure out the psychological defects I have. I would always be complacent and never itch to move further, improve to be better. At the same time being able to see my future self be satisfied, content, and thankful is a fleeting image. I know its possible, and it almost makes me feel better knowing that one day that image will become reality. Alas, knowing is not doing, until you're doing it. 1
Author Echo000 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Might sound strange but know that I'm here for you here on this website.. And others are too. U need anything u can always message me here on this website. What often makes this process so much Harder is the feeling of loneliness and there's no need to be lonely here. I got u friend! 2
CompleteFailure Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Might sound strange but know that I'm here for you here on this website.. And others are too. U need anything u can always message me here on this website. What often makes this process so much Harder is the feeling of loneliness and there's no need to be lonely here. I got u friend! Thank you, that brings a tear to my eyes. It may sound silly and desperate, but in my current situation that means very much to me, even if it's from a seemingly complete stranger on the web. I've been pretty emotional leading up to and since hitting this point, and sometimes the genders of my personalities clash with one another. Finding myself again after being in a twisted relationship I loved is a hard road to travel completely alone. Knowing that there are sincerely genuine people out there like yourself, brings a temporary short smile to my face. I may take you up on that offer.
Author Echo000 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 I dont know your name, I dont know your sex, your race, personality, life story, etc. I know nothing about you except one thing- that you are hurt. I know the pain you feel is unique and sharp and seemingly endless..its the same pain that brought me here myself. I hope you take a moment to know that, although I will never know who you are, that it would truly make me happier to know if you felt better. Crazy, but I guess its a rare glimpse of beautiful humanity. I meant what I wrote- I got you if you need help. Never hesitate to get help if help is what you need.
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