Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I was at dinner with girlfriends tonight, and the subject of going on dates vs. hanging out came up. I got to thinking about how most of my relationships have involved formal dates (as in, planned activities in advance) for quite some time before it transitioned into just getting together to hang out together and do whatever comes. With the last guy, for example, we actually went on date-dates for two months until we just got together to hang out. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have basically just started hanging out with their BFs right away, with only maybe one or two dates at the very beginning of their courtship. What's been your experience? 2
todreaminblue Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I was at dinner with girlfriends tonight, and the subject of going on dates vs. hanging out came up. I got to thinking about how most of my relationships have involved formal dates (as in, planned activities in advance) for quite some time before it transitioned into just getting together to hang out together and do whatever comes. With the last guy, for example, we actually went on date-dates for two months until we just got together to hang out. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have basically just started hanging out with their BFs right away, with only maybe one or two dates at the very beginning of their courtship. What's been your experience? I used to hang out.....as friends go on non dates........just chill, have fun.......when it became a date it was more or less a relationship pretty much straight away.....they specifically made it clear they didnt want to just "be friends " with me anymore and i accepted dates adn they were exclusive while i was dating one guy i didnt hang out with other guys one on one......most of me accepting dates was done on hang outs...is that confusing probably.......deb.........
MrCastle Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I think dating is becoming less and less formal. Most of my friends do the hangout thing. They'll go to stuff in groups and it's more like friends hanging out than double dates or whatnot. Every now and then they'll do something datey, but the bulk of it involves going to the other person's house, watching movies and stuff, etc. I wonder how much the economy plays a role in this. 1
Estate Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I was at dinner with girlfriends tonight, and the subject of going on dates vs. hanging out came up. I got to thinking about how most of my relationships have involved formal dates (as in, planned activities in advance) for quite some time before it transitioned into just getting together to hang out together and do whatever comes. With the last guy, for example, we actually went on date-dates for two months until we just got together to hang out. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have basically just started hanging out with their BFs right away, with only maybe one or two dates at the very beginning of their courtship. What's been your experience? I find things go a lot better when it transitions to hanging out quicker if you are both really interested. Dates are nice but after a few, if your not comfortable to just hang with someone and see them as they are, then it's not going to go far.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I find things go a lot better when it transitions to hanging out quicker if you are both really interested. Dates are nice but after a few, if your not comfortable to just hang with someone and see them as they are, then it's not going to go far. This is interesting. I think I agree. The last guy I dated, I felt like we had to keep "dating" and finding fun, new, exciting things to do... all the time. He didn't really seem to appreciate the down time, the casual, hang-out time. I totally do. The more significant LTRs I've been in turned into "hanging out" pretty much from the outset. Interesting. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 With the current boyfriend we did a few dates in the beginning before we just started hanging out all the time.It was natural, but I have dated a few guys where we went on dates... Those never really turned into anything.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I totally do formal dates for the first 2 months. And then feel pressured to come up with exciting things to do. I would love to just hang out sooner. That's how I am most comfortable. But then, you should be ready to have sex when you hang out...at homes. I am simply not early on. 1
carhill Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 My recollection was that, in my LTR's and M, 'hanging out' became more prevalent a few months in, mainly after lovemaking began and we were exclusive and monogamous. We'd still 'date', meaning plan couple things to do, and continued to, in the case of my M, throughout, but 'hanging out' at one or the other's home or casually with friends became more commonplace after we became an 'official' couple. In my generation/demographic, 'hanging out' at the beginning of getting to know someone has invariably caused dating not to occur at all. Such signals are predominantly read as low interest in romance/sex and/or a more 'traditional' and assertive man would usually prevail in such instances. I learned this through much experimentation and failure and listening to the women of my generation and demographic. YMMV on that part.
irc333 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I was at dinner with girlfriends tonight, and the subject of going on dates vs. hanging out came up. I got to thinking about how most of my relationships have involved formal dates (as in, planned activities in advance) for quite some time before it transitioned into just getting together to hang out together and do whatever comes. With the last guy, for example, we actually went on date-dates for two months until we just got together to hang out. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have basically just started hanging out with their BFs right away, with only maybe one or two dates at the very beginning of their courtship. What's been your experience? I thought "hanging out" is something that happens to a guy when he's Friend ZOned. Now there's just ANOTHER defitiion, when you can "Hang out" romantically? Even more confused now
sweetkiwi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 For me it's been about 50/50. I really like being asked out on a date. I think it's sweet. Hanging out can be fun but I try not to do it alone unless it's a public place because chances are, they're going to try to get in your pants. Unless thats what you want SG
Els Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Hmm, it's been a balance for me pretty much. Some date-dates, some hanging out... I think it'd get old real fast ONLY going out on formal, planned dates all of the time for months, but on the other hand solely hanging out with zero nice dinners and such wouldn't be to my taste, either. You need both, IMO.
Els Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I thought "hanging out" is something that happens to a guy when he's Friend ZOned. Now there's just ANOTHER defitiion, when you can "Hang out" romantically? Even more confused now When you're already in a relationship?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I also always felt that guys that don't suggest formal dates are low interest guys, looking for easy sex.
xxoo Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 It seems like everyone is answering a different question IME, when two people are really into each other, you want to spend time together in an unstructured way (hanging out). That doesn't mean structured dates end, but yes, hanging out as a couple becomes the bulk of the time together. Lots of making out, too 1
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I never did much hanging out when I was dating, on occasion there might be an event, outdoor concert type of thing where you go with a group of friends but for the most part I liked the one on one of dating. Now... get married and then you hangout a lot
normal person Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I thought "hanging out" is something that happens to a guy when he's Friend ZOned. Now there's just ANOTHER defitiion, when you can "Hang out" romantically? Even more confused now As it's been mentioned so far here, "hanging out" is more or less "being together without doing anything in particular." For example, not going on dates, just being in each other's company at a house or apartment. I'd also clarify the even more colloquial use of the term that people use these days, to define your relationship as "hanging out." This seems common when it doesn't seem right to consider it dating. It's a little more informal and vague. For example, if I met a girl I liked I'd probably suggest she come hang out with me. Translation: Let's plan on doing something alone without all our friends here watching. Then I'd probably get more specific. It's useful for describing a relationship with someone who's sole company you're in sometimes with whom there's some sexual tension. Saying "I would enjoy taking you out for pizza and Pepsi" (I saw someone suggest saying this yesterday although I'm not trying to pick on anyone) sounds way too stiff and formal to me. There's no way those words could come out of my mouth. Maybe hanging out is more age appropriate, I don't know. I'm 26 for reference. "You're dating someone now?" "Well, we're kind of just...hanging out."
Emilia Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 To me the sign that we are mutually comfortable with each other is that we start hanging out soon rather than have formal dates. It is my preferred way to relate to someone as in my experience it usually indicates a more emotionally open person who doesn't need to keep the other at an arm's length relating in a more formal way.
crude Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I also always felt that guys that don't suggest formal dates are low interest guys, looking for easy sex. I always thought it's the other way around. A woman goes out on 3 or 4 dates, then the man gets laid. Hanging out is a way of taking things slower, as in a friendship with less structure that doesn't necessarily lead to a payoff after the 4th date.
candie13 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 tricky subject I like to hang out, talk and discover the other person, but I hate wasting my time. I am a planner - for the better and for the worse of it. My bf is a spontaneous person. When we started seeing eachother, during the first month, I'd be quite hung up on formal dates - where as he'd just text and ask to see me whenever. I was unavailable a lot, until I got to know him and to understand that's how he is (I don't want to be taken for granted or be too available). Now, after over two months, we're in an interesting situation. We hang out quite often, but he still does the "unplanned" thing a lot. I mean, they are fun, like going dancing, or discovering some late concerts on spot. Obviously, the control freak in me gets mad - I would love some more daylight activities. I am ever-so-slightly planning some events, but do my best to give him space. To tell you the truth, nowadays, I am focusing alot on my friends and activities with them, this way I don't stay frustrated. Sometimes he comes along - like drinks with my friends, downtown or taking advantage of the jacuzzi at the gym club, together. I've planned for a intense dance class, this weekend - and he's quite interested, as he loves dancing. But... it's me, not him, making the effort of planning. Don't know, to me hanging out is cool... but my big fear is to be the "second part of the evening" entertainment. The moment I smell that coming along, I am outta there. So my resolution is to stop doing - the planning - that and see if he decides to up his game. If he's not, then I will limit my availability again.
veggirl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 In the past I was always more of a hang out girl. I liked it because I thought it meant we were more comfortable with each other...in other words, I enjoyed the false intimacy I got from it. With current bf we went on dates all the time at the beginning. For the first couple of months for sure. I loved it, it was so refreshing and I felt like I was really getting to know him in a more paced, normal way.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 To me the sign that we are mutually comfortable with each other is that we start hanging out soon rather than have formal dates. It is my preferred way to relate to someone as in my experience it usually indicates a more emotionally open person who doesn't need to keep the other at an arm's length relating in a more formal way. I'm really starting to believe this to be true as well. 2
tuxedo cat Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 My best relationships we just kind of just naturally fell into a relationship together. I can't even remember how it started past the first date or two. When a guy needs to follow a controlled timeline, and mete out affection bit by bit, I get a little uneasy. I think it's a sign of intimacy issues, but maybe that's just me. I've heard in Europe they don't even "date" per se. After their first hookup or date people are pretty much assumed to be a couple. 1
Recommended Posts