less sexually aggressive men?

[Emilia]

And I think there's plenty of time to explore that world beyond just a handful of dates.

 

No, to me attraction and connection are very important quite early on. I like emotionally accessible men.

[Emilia]

aren't going to spend a lot of time waiting for someone to show they mesh well with us. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about opening up and showing similar points of views etc.

 

Agree. I like having a good time and feeling relaxed with the other person because he is expressive and open and I try to be the same. It is such a nice way to be.

[tuxedo cat]

Good responses so far. In the midst of otur making out at the end of the first date he said, "this is more intimate than I've gotten with anyone so fast." Then he added, "but it feels natural." It was obvious he was turned on, but I was surprised by his comment. He also told me he really likes me and is looking for a relationship. He indicated he was concerned I was just after a fling. It was an odd role reversal: usually I'm the one who is worried a guy is moving too fast and viewing me as a piece of meat.

 

He seems to be cautious in general, not just sexually. He is very into formal kind of dates, while I'm more of a hang out girl. Not that I mind dates but I find hanging out a more natural way of getting to know someone.

 

Maybe this is a good change of speed, because often I've felt that in my relationships the physical outpaces emotional intimacy.

 

I'm just a little concerned he has some sort of weird sexual hang ups. I have dated a couple of guys who moved very slowly and they both had hangups. One was very insecure about his penis size, another had been molested by a parent.

 

I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I probably have too much time on my hands to overanalyze this because he's been away on a work trip for a few weeks -- unfortunate timing since we had just started up.

[Lonely Ronin]

Agree. I like having a good time and feeling relaxed with the other person because he is expressive and open and I try to be the same. It is such a nice way to be.

 

Last girl I dated, I stopped calling after are 4th date, because she hadn't opened up at all on our dates, and barely communicated between them. The girl i just started dating had me hooked half way through our first date.

[Lonely Ronin]

Good responses so far. In the midst of otur making out at the end of the first date he said, "this is more intimate than I've gotten with anyone so fast." Then he added, "but it feels natural." It was obvious he was turned on, but I was surprised by his comment. He also told me he really likes me and is looking for a relationship. He indicated he was concerned I was just after a fling. It was an odd role reversal: usually I'm the one who is worried a guy is moving too fast and viewing me as a piece of meat.

 

 

I bet, he is being cautious because he has been burned several times. I can really relate to this, as I have experienced it a lot. Meet a woman who seems to be interested in something substantial and even says she is. However she isn't, and won't say it because she knows I'll walk.

[ltjg45]

Why do you think books like 50 shades are so popolar or rape fantasies? not becasue women want to be treated nicely in the bedroom they want to be dominated and pounded into submission on the verge of tears

 

Ill even stick their head in the toilet and other things to make them feel oveprowered and dominated its hot

 

I didn't know being "sexually active" means "make attempts to physically hurt her during sex".

 

Sheesh. No wonder I'm not so quick to get laid.

[EasyHeart]

Yes, I'm sure plenty of women fantasize about having their heads shoved down the toilet.

 

While you're at it why not give them a wedgie and push them into the gym pool, too? So hot and dominating and overpowering.

Shoot.

 

All these years I've been doing it WRONG. . . .

[Drseussgrrl]

Personally I like being punched in the tit.

[EasyHeart]

Sounds refreshing to me. I think it's a good thing for a man to be selective about who he sleeps with. And I think men tend to be more respectful and careful with women they really like. I would enjoy the building anticipation and just let things happen in good time.

That's the word I immediately thought of when I read the OP -- respectful. This guy doesn't sound timid, he just sounds like he's being respectful to a woman he just met and barely knows.

 

It makes me sad to think that this sort of behavior is unusual.

[Drseussgrrl]

That's the word I immediately thought of when I read the OP -- respectful. This guy doesn't sound timid, he just sounds like he's being respectful to a woman he just met and barely knows.

 

It makes me sad to think that this sort of behavior is unusual.

 

It's not unusual at all. It's just a matter of what jives with you.

[ThaWholigan]

That's the word I immediately thought of when I read the OP -- respectful. This guy doesn't sound timid, he just sounds like he's being respectful to a woman he just met and barely knows.

 

It makes me sad to think that this sort of behavior is unusual.

Well it's fine lines we're dealing with I feel, especially regarding compatibility on such a level. I've been respectful to the point of timidity, and gone the other extreme and been so blunt that it's a turn off. Finding a balance that keeps them hooked and on your wavelength is key, more so if she already is on your wavelength to a degree.

[Imajerk17]

My advice is to the OP tuxedo_cat is to give things with this guy a chance. Part of that though is specific to the poster.

 

@drseussgrrl and emelia, you are in your 30s (as opposed to 20s for OP) so I am guessing that your dating pools include guys who are a little older and more experienced, and therefore, who know how to navigate the respectfulness/boldness better than a younger guy might.

 

OP, your history seems to be guys who come on really strong and then have major issues. As what you have experienced so far by and large hasn't really worked (even though it might feel right), I think you'd benefit from this change of pace here. This guy might indeed have his hang-ups and his own issues but you'd be better off finding out whether this is the case for yourself.

[Drseussgrrl]

My advice is to the OP tuxedo_cat is to give things with this guy a chance. Part of that though is specific to the poster.

 

@drseussgrrl and emelia, you are in your 30s (as opposed to 20s for OP) so I am guessing that your dating pools include guys who are a little older and more experienced, and therefore, who know how to navigate the respectfulness/boldness better than a younger guy might.

 

Oh yeah? You saying you got this nailed down too?

[Imajerk17]

Oh yeah? You saying you got this nailed down too?

 

I do OK.

[SJC2008]

Women: Men just want sex

Men: Put it in her before someone else does

Rule of thumb: More often than not the faster moving guy gets the girl.

See the correlation between the last two

 

According to ES and a few other women here I'd be pegged as a missionary only guy. News flash: Shy guys eat pussy too! Especially me! So any woman who thinks I can't get down because I'm a little reserved at first, her loss.

 

Just because I love sex it doesn't mean I'm going to shoot a b-line for it. Reasons being: I don't want a woman who's going to give it up to anyone, make me work for it! You're giving it up on the 3rd date? Who else are you giving it up too? Secondly, sex is important but shouldn't be the foundation of a relationship. I want to know if we're compatible in other areas.

 

Yes he seems very "proper" for lack of a better word but it's only 3 dates and it's not like he hasn't even kissed her. It's still benefeit of the doubt time not alarm bells going off like in the cockpit of a crashing airplane.

[PogoStick]

My advice is to the OP tuxedo_cat is to give things with this guy a chance. Part of that though is specific to the poster.

 

@drseussgrrl and emelia, you are in your 30s (as opposed to 20s for OP) so I am guessing that your dating pools include guys who are a little older and more experienced, and therefore, who know how to navigate the respectfulness/boldness better than a younger guy might.

 

Yes, my initial feeling is the guy in question may have sexual experience with 2 LTRs but that's much different than experience escalating with a new girl. He's probably not as adventurous and the OP could show him that women enjoy kink.

 

My ex of 6 years was super reserved and it wasn't until that ended that I learned most women are much more wild.

[Object_a]

It makes me sad to think that this sort of behavior is unusual.

 

Absolutely, and I think it's just as bad that so many people instantly want to question this guy's masculinity or speculate that he has some kind of problem just because he hasn't badgered his way into the OP's pants yet. I don't get what's so hard to understand about wanting a certain level of trust and intimacy before you get physical.

[Lonely Ronin]

Isn't that how most women want it?

 

LMAO, God I hope your not serious.

[Bengal Tiger]

I think it would be easier to toughen up a nice guy than to try to soften up a disgusting jerk.

 

Guys learn stuff. We can be good at following directions, reading manuals, experimenting, etc. There are ways to train your nice guy to be a beast at the right times. If he's pretty soft to begin with, it should be easy to mold him into anything you want. It's like sculpting with clay.

 

Just saying...

[Drseussgrrl]

I think it would be easier to toughen up a nice guy than to try to soften up a disgusting jerk.

 

Guys learn stuff. We can be good at following directions, reading manuals, experimenting, etc. There are ways to train your nice guy to be a beast at the right times. If he's pretty soft to begin with, it should be easy to mold him into anything you want. It's like sculpting with clay.

 

Just saying...

 

Ha - not with my ex.

[Lonely Ronin]

Ha - not with my ex.

 

he couldn't or didn't want to change?

[sweetkiwi]

OP I guess it all depends on if you WANT a man who is aggressive in the sack. If so then you may have to wait to see how this one is when it's horizontal boogie time.

 

Me personally I always appreciate a man who goes slow. Then I get to be the aggressor. Recently my interests have changed however and I prefer dominant men.

 

The underwear thing is hilarious but not very accurate.

[Soxfaninfl]

The guy I'm seeing now is very respectful, gentlemanly and sexually reserved. We've gone on a few dates and we haven't gone farther than making out, but I can tell he's attracted to me. He seems reluctant to bring me back to his place, though. A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I'm so unaccustomed to this kind of timid, apologetic approach from a guy when it comes to sex. It's also a bit strange because he's very good looking, has a great job, seems to be pretty socially smooth, and I know he's had at least two serious girlfriends (he's 27).

 

Is something off or is this how high quality men act when they're courting a girl? It's just so far out of the realm of my experience that I'm not sure what to think.

 

I'm like the guy your talking about. I'm a gentleman and respectful to women. I don't always kiss on the first date.I have a very high sex drive, but I don't want to come off as a perve. I never expect sex from a women after a few dates. I do want to have sex with them, but I don't force it or initiate it. I take it slow and see how fast she wants to go. I never want women to think that's all I want even though I have a high sex drive. I want a relationship that will lead to marriage. Once we have sex for the first time I can't keep my hands off of the women and want sex every day. Like I said I have a high sex drive. Oh by the way I wear boxer briefs.

Edited March 20, 2013 by Soxfaninfl

[Soxfaninfl]

Maybe he's just making sure he doesn't get smacked for moving too fast.

 

This is how I go. I don't ever want the women to think I'm just looking for sex and want her to see that I want a genuine relationship. Once we have sex for the first time she's going to be sore after that lol.

[todreaminblue]

if a woman isnt open to talking sexual talk it doesnt seem to be as bad as a man who isnt open to it..i dont think that is fair.......men being sexually aggressive in speech actually i have found....those men can be extremely boring in the bedroom, one of my disaster dates that turned me off dating for i dont know maybe five years closer to six or seven....... .he could talk a good game.....couldnt follow through...i have found men who are more reserved are much better lovers...the guy that turned me off dating pretty much.......got so into saying stuff.......wont go into it....turned me off him entirely.....which was a good thing....sick puppy who was close to impotent...and ohh.....married........deb