less sexually aggressive men?

[Emilia]

Are some women so conditioned to believe men are horny pigs that they are shocked when one isn't?

 

No some of us just value sexual connection. It's hard to get attracted to a cautious cold fish.

[Ruby Slippers]

Sounds refreshing to me. I think it's a good thing for a man to be selective about who he sleeps with. And I think men tend to be more respectful and careful with women they really like. I would enjoy the building anticipation and just let things happen in good time.

[Woggle]

No some of us just value sexual connection. It's hard to get attracted to a cautious cold fish.

 

It doesn't mean he is a cautious cold fish. I have learned the hard that building a relationship on just sex usually ends in distaster. It is certainly important but shouldn't be the foundation.

[Dusk1983]

Sounds refreshing to me. I think it's a good thing for a man to be selective about who he sleeps with. And I think men tend to be more respectful and careful with women they really like. I would enjoy the building anticipation and just let things happen in good time.

 

Thank you, voice of reason. I can assure you this increases your chances of finding a keeper.

[ThaWholigan]

Yes, but the chances are low. Really, really low. Look around you. Talk to some women. Talk to some who've been burned, used or fooled.

 

There's no getting away from it, mate - it's way more likely that a man who's sexually aggressive right off the bat is a player / jerk / douchebag / insert pejorative here.

 

This is not rocket science - a man is only sexually aggressive because he's been able to get away with it in the past. It delivers results: sex.

 

Despite the lies women spin to themselves, a man like this isn't suddenly going to become a charming gentleman down the line. Why the hell should he?

The chances don't have to be low - I'm a man, I can choose to be both.

[Emilia]

It doesn't mean he is a cautious cold fish. I have learned the hard that building a relationship on just sex usually ends in distaster. It is certainly important but shouldn't be the foundation.

 

A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I think I got sick in my mouth reading the above, I'm sorry. You are right though, he probably isn't cold fish just likes having sex with his socks on

[Dusk1983]

The chances don't have to be low - I'm a man, I can choose to be both.

 

I know you're a man. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not the most sexually experienced man. Because, deep down, you're a gentleman.

[Lonely Ronin]

I know you're a man. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not the most sexually experienced man. Because, deep down, you're a gentleman.

 

 

no that's not why he used to have problems.

[Emilia]

I know you're a man. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you're not the most sexually experienced man. Because, deep down, you're a gentleman.

 

No, it's because he is only 23 years old

 

From what thaWholigan posted about his encounters I'd say he can put his gentleman side aside if the moment requires it

[Dusk1983]

no that's not why he used to have problems.

 

I seem to recall some other issues. Of course. Doesn't stop him being a gentleman, everything he posts demonstrates it. He's clearly not obsessed with women and sex.

[Woggle]

I think I got sick in my mouth reading the above, I'm sorry. You are right though, he probably isn't cold fish just likes having sex with his socks on

 

It's only a few dates. If he is still acting like this a year into dating then yeah it is unusual but it is a few dates.

[Emilia]

It's only a few dates. If he is still acting like this a year into dating then yeah it is unusual but it is a few dates.

 

Maybe. It's just that personally I wouldn't expect the blushing virgin act from a 27 year-old. I dated someone like that once and it was as bad as ES described in her first post in this thread.

[PogoStick]

The general consensus seems to be that women prefer faster vs slower. Even ones who felt burned have obviously tried it. Any shy guys taking notes?

[Emilia]

The general consensus seems to be that women prefer faster vs slower. Even ones who felt burned have obviously tried it. Any shy guys taking notes?

 

It's not so much the speed, it's the assertiveness and his ability to assist building sexual tension and connection - which is a two-way road, isn't just down to the man.

 

I'm not advocating about jumping into bed too soon, especially not if you want a relationship. I do advocate being expressive though. That's how I am and that's how I prefer men to be. Rather than walk on eggshells.

 

So it's not speediness to bed but building rapport and connection. Display an understanding of social nuances. Assertive communication.

[Drseussgrrl]

Maybe. It's just that personally I wouldn't expect the blushing virgin act from a 27 year-old. I dated someone like that once and it was as bad as ES described in her first post in this thread.

 

Let's also remember that I don't want a guy to "push" for sex on the first date.

 

But I'd like him to put his hand on the small of my back as we go through doorways. Put his hand on my knee. Lean in to me as we talk. Kiss me at the end of the night.

 

All of these things signify to me that he's definitely attracted to me and it builds the sexual tension. If a guy texted me that he was "blushing" thinking about kissing or cuddling, that wouldn't get my engine revvin' ifyaknowwhatimean. We're not in middle school here.

[Lonely Ronin]

It's not so much the speed, it's the assertiveness and his ability to assist building sexual tension and connection - which is a two-way road, isn't just down to the man.

 

I'm not advocating about jumping into bed too soon, especially not if you want a relationship. I do advocate being expressive though. That's how I am and that's how I prefer men to be. Rather than walk on eggshells.

 

So it's not speediness to bed but building rapport and connection. Display an understanding of social nuances. Assertive communication.

 

this^^^

 

however like someone posted earlier is seems a lot of guys have two modes, scared virgin and sexual deviant. Those of us in the middle seem to be rare.

[Emilia]

this^^^

 

however like someone posted earlier is seems a lot of guys have two modes, scared virgin and sexual deviant. Those of us in the middle seem to be rare.

 

Yep, story of my life

[Woggle]

The blushing thing is a bit strange but who knows what context it was done in.

[Ruby Slippers]

If a guy texted me that he was "blushing" thinking about kissing or cuddling, that wouldn't get my engine revvin' ifyaknowwhatimean. We're not in middle school here.

This is who he is.

 

I find it sad that you're insinuating he's an adolescent because he's being honest and genuine about his responses, rather than sexting her after a few dates.

[Drseussgrrl]

This is who he is.

 

I find it sad that you're insinuating he's an adolescent because he's being honest and genuine about his responses, rather than sexting her after a few dates.

 

Where did I say he should be sexting her after a few dates?

[Ruby Slippers]

I was using that as an example for contrast. Based on your comments here, it doesn't seem too off the mark to assume you'd prefer sexy texts to blushing.

[Emilia]

That's what some of us are saying here though: it's not just sexting OR blushing. There is a whole world in between.

[Ruby Slippers]

That's what some of us are saying here though: it's not just sexting OR blushing. There is a whole world in between.

And I think there's plenty of time to explore that world beyond just a handful of dates.

[Drseussgrrl]

That's what some of us are saying here though: it's not just sexting OR blushing. There is a whole world in between.

 

Correct. Just like I don't want a dude rudely pawing at me on our first date, I don't want him to be timid about his desire for me, either.

[Lonely Ronin]

And I think there's plenty of time to explore that world beyond just a handful of dates.

 

See I disagree with this. Those of us who have 'options' or aren't afraid to be on our own, aren't going to spend a lot of time waiting for someone to show they mesh well with us. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about opening up and showing similar points of views etc.