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less sexually aggressive men?

tuxedo cat

By tuxedo cat
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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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What's that supposed to mean? Because we like take-charge dudes?

 

That's nothing new.

Yeah, as I understand it, not every guy is gonna be like that. Doesn't mean they will be bad in bed, but perhaps they are naturally inclined to do things differently, so I can understand their pain. I used to be rather timid myself.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Thus I've learned to be very reserved at first, so that they don't get turned off, or overwhelmed. I won't go in for a first kiss, until I'm sure it's wanted, and I don't get aggressive until I'm sure they can handle it and want it.

 

I've learned to look at it as showing the girl you find her attractive and want her. Not going in for a kiss or making advances for sex can be taken as her not being attractive enough, you're not interested or you're some pussy man/boy. Results can be, you get friend zoned or she is insulted by you and doesn't know what to think of you and will be moving on. Most women really like sex and want to have sex.

 

I go for it first date, first kiss when I pick her up if possible. I wouldn't say I am aggressive, but I put it out there that I find her attractive and want to have sex with her first date. I don't pressure her, no lewd comments or suggestions. I just try to behave in a way that makes it obvious I find her sexy and she makes me horny. We'll still have a great time if all that happens is I drop her off at her place after and go home. She will talk with her girlfriends about me the next day about how I wanted to have sex with her, but she wanted to wait. Her friend could comment about how guys are such animals. This is better than...not sure he is interested. Maybe he's gay or really sexually repressed.

  • Like 2
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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What's that supposed to mean? Because we like take-charge dudes?

 

That's nothing new.

 

Question: will it always be that way? I mean is there an age at which women start to like non-take-charge guys? Or is it just something everyone has to live with?

 

Genuine question. Not being snarky.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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Question: will it always be that way? I mean is there an age at which women start to like non-take-charge guys? Or is it just something everyone has to live with?

 

Genuine question. Not being snarky.

 

Look every woman is different. It's not something I see myself "growing out of".

 

I'm not just talking about sex, either. I like the man who calls vs. texts. I like the guy who made the dinner reservation instead of "Uh I dunno what do YOU wanna do?" I like the guy who wants to pick me up.

 

And yeah quite frankly I like the caveman who's gonna whack me over the head and drag me back to the cave to have his way with me. :D

  • Like 2
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I've learned to look at it as showing the girl you find her attractive and want her. Not going in for a kiss or making advances for sex can be taken as her not being attractive enough, you're not interested or you're some pussy man/boy. Results can be, you get friend zoned or she is insulted by you and doesn't know what to think of you and will be moving on. Most women really like sex and want to have sex.

 

I go for it first date, first kiss when I pick her up if possible. I wouldn't say I am aggressive, but I put it out there that I find her attractive and want to have sex with her first date. I don't pressure her, no lewd comments or suggestions. I just try to behave in a way that makes it obvious I find her sexy and she makes me horny. We'll still have a great time if all that happens is I drop her off at her place after and go home. She will talk with her girlfriends about me the next day about how I wanted to have sex with her, but she wanted to wait. Her friend could comment about how guys are such animals. This is better than...not sure he is interested. Maybe he's gay or really sexually repressed.

Hear that.

 

I used to be very reserved (still can be), but my natural expression is pretty direct and swift :laugh:.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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I've learned to look at it as showing the girl you find her attractive and want her. Not going in for a kiss or making advances for sex can be taken as her not being attractive enough, you're not interested or you're some pussy man/boy. Results can be, you get friend zoned or she is insulted by you and doesn't know what to think of you and will be moving on. Most women really like sex and want to have sex.

 

I've never had any of these problems, of that I'm positive. But i know for a fact that at one point in my life i overwhelmed or turned off some women, because I was told so.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

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As each person's perception is different, one lady's 'take-charge dude' can be another lady's 'rapist'. Without a common platform of perception and communication, there is no way for a man to know what's in a woman's head and, since he is predominantly the pursuer/aggressor/protagonist, he must rely on experience, communication and feedback from the lady to 'walk the line'. Women, generally, never face these issues, especially in the legal sense. Then, additionally, there are those issues as I related prior, with some women being undisclosed/disclosed rape/molestation victims, with the attendant psychological impacts.

 

When the prior poster states 'geez, guys can't win', he's underscoring the thought processes of a man who cares about women and who endeavors to do the healthy thing with them but feels confused and overwhelmed sometimes. Part of life. I hope the OP will do her part in this relationship. It takes two.

  • Like 5
Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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And yeah quite frankly I like the caveman who's gonna whack me over the head and drag me back to the cave to have his way with me. :D

 

That's kind of rude, I usually throw her over a shoulder vs. drag her by her hair. :D

  • Like 1
clia Established Member

clia

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The guy I'm seeing now is very respectful, gentlemanly and sexually reserved. We've gone on a few dates and we haven't gone farther than making out, but I can tell he's attracted to me. He seems reluctant to bring me back to his place, though. A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. :) Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ;)." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I'm so unaccustomed to this kind of timid, apologetic approach from a guy when it comes to sex. It's also a bit strange because he's very good looking, has a great job, seems to be pretty socially smooth, and I know he's had at least two serious girlfriends (he's 27).

 

Is something off or is this how high quality men act when they're courting a girl? It's just so far out of the realm of my experience that I'm not sure what to think.

 

Why do you think he's sexually reserved after only three dates? Because he hasn't jumped your bones yet? :laugh: I don't know...I could see the complaint if you'd been dating him for months and were only kissing, but it is so soon that I don't think you should necessarily jump to conclusions. In my opinion, he respects you, doesn't want to rush you, and doesn't want to offend you. This is how men act who are into a woman for more than just sex. He may not be sexually reserved at all once the two of you get going.

 

Please report back in four weeks. :D

  • Like 1
Mint Sauce Established Member

Mint Sauce

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in the beginning, when getting to know a woman, I'm entirely like the guy the OP is describing. It does not mean it will be missionary until eternity, I can state that with certitude ;-)

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Maybe he's the male version of a "lady in the streets, freak in the sheets".

 

I think it'd be refreshing that a guy isn't all sexually aggressive after only "a few dates"...how many dates btw? How soon are you used to having sex and all that?

Els Established Member

Els

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She will talk with her girlfriends about me the next day about how I wanted to have sex with her, but she wanted to wait. Her friend could comment about how guys are such animals. This is better than...not sure he is interested. Maybe he's gay or really sexually repressed.

 

This is going to differ based on the individual woman. Frankly if I ever met a guy who wanted sex on the first date (and I tend to filter dates pretty well, so it hasn't happened) there wouldn't be a second. Not interested in a horndog who will happily sex up any woman who allows him to on the first date. Boundaries are attractive to me.

 

It's pretty sad if a woman ever thought a guy was gay just because his big head is able to overpower the little one.

 

Question: will it always be that way? I mean is there an age at which women start to like non-take-charge guys? Or is it just something everyone has to live with?

 

Genuine question. Not being snarky.

 

I don't think all women like the same guys, not even now.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
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Look every woman is different. It's not something I see myself "growing out of".

 

I'm not just talking about sex, either. I like the man who calls vs. texts. I like the guy who made the dinner reservation instead of "Uh I dunno what do YOU wanna do?" I like the guy who wants to pick me up.

 

And yeah quite frankly I like the caveman who's gonna whack me over the head and drag me back to the cave to have his way with me. :D

 

Well I mean if it was a girl that I knew liked me or I was in a relationship with of course I'd call or take initiative on the dinner thing. But those are easy in comparison to taking charge in the bedroom.

Els Established Member

Els

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When the prior poster states 'geez, guys can't win', he's underscoring the thought processes of a man who cares about women and who endeavors to do the healthy thing with them but feels confused and overwhelmed sometimes. Part of life. I hope the OP will do her part in this relationship. It takes two.

 

Yeah, I totally get this. It's a pretty crappy expectation and double standard for guys in this aspect, IMO.

 

However, I do think it's possible to be respectful without going to the extent of timid speech that the OP's guy is doing. :laugh:

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

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That's kind of rude, I usually throw her over a shoulder vs. drag her by her hair. :D

 

Indeed. I don't want to ruin the hair. It's a bigger turn-on for me.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

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But those are easy in comparison to taking charge in the bedroom.

 

It's not at all, don't forget you are on average guys are much taller, stronger, and heavier than women. Add to that a little imagination, and a willingness to pay attention to her needs, and most women are very excited to get you into the bedroom.

  • Like 1
Bengal Tiger Established Member

Bengal Tiger

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I am loving the assumptions people have and the stereotypes they are expecting. :D

 

I bet more than a few women have naively believed I was a nice guy before I threw them around like a limp noodle. The look of surprised delight is absolutely priceless. And then keep on surprising them with new tricks. Muahaha.... :laugh: The same has been observed with nerdy traditional reserved women as well. The quiet ones have been much more satisfying and interesting than the openly slutty loud ones.

 

 

Guys: be a gentleman in the street and a monster in the sheets and she'll keep coming back for more. :bunny:

  • Like 4
Dusk1983 Established Member

Dusk1983

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What's that supposed to mean? Because we like take-charge dudes?

 

That's nothing new.

 

No, you like "take-charge dudes" who are also slightly mysterious, don't come on too strong in the early days, and then prove themselves to be respectful, thoughtful gentlemen.

 

Spot what's wrong here.

Els Established Member

Els

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No, you like "take-charge dudes" who are also slightly mysterious, don't come on too strong in the early days, and then prove themselves to be respectful, thoughtful gentlemen.

 

Spot what's wrong here.

 

Don't see much wrong. I have one of those mysterious unicorns. Wait til a R is established and there is emotional intimacy, then unleash your inner beast with your partner's encouragement.

 

Not easy, but not impossible.

  • Like 1
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
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It's not at all, don't forget you are on average guys are much taller, stronger, and heavier than women. Add to that a little imagination, and a willingness to pay attention to her needs, and most women are very excited to get you into the bedroom.

 

That's a problem. So is the fact that I might not be all that excited to get into the bedroom.

 

I want companionship more than sex, personally. Which would probably make me a bit more timid than most guys in the bedroom.

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

Posted
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Don't see much wrong. I have one of those mysterious unicorns. Wait til a R is established and there is emotional intimacy, then unleash your inner beast with your partner's encouragement.

 

Not easy, but not impossible.

 

Wait, you mean that's not what everyone was taught to do ? :D

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

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Wait, you mean that's not what everyone was taught to do ? :D

 

Apparently not.

 

Maybe you and Bengal could take these young padawans under your wing and teach them some tricks. :laugh::o

  • Like 2
Dusk1983 Established Member

Dusk1983

Posted
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Don't see much wrong. I have one of those mysterious unicorns. Wait til a R is established and there is emotional intimacy, then unleash your inner beast with your partner's encouragement.

 

Not easy, but not impossible.

 

OP is talking about the early stages of dating.

 

Men who are "sexually aggressive" in the early stages of dating won't magically turn into respectful gentlemen once in a relationship.

 

Sorry, girls.

  • Like 2
SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Men need to learn the bedroom is where women let their submissive insane side off..its where they can be what they really want in a relationship which is to be dominated by a man

 

Why do you think books like 50 shades are so popolar or rape fantasies? not becasue women want to be treated nicely in the bedroom they want to be dominated and pounded into submission on the verge of tears

 

Ill even stick their head in the toilet and other things to make them feel oveprowered and dominated its hot

Els Established Member

Els

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OP is talking about the early stages of dating.

 

Men who are "sexually aggressive" in the early stages of dating won't magically turn into respectful gentlemen once in a relationship.

 

Sorry, girls.

 

Unfortunately you quoted Drseussgrl, who isn't the OP and said nothing about the early stages of dating.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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