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less sexually aggressive men?

tuxedo cat

By tuxedo cat
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tuxedo cat Established Member

tuxedo cat

Posted
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The guy I'm seeing now is very respectful, gentlemanly and sexually reserved. We've gone on a few dates and we haven't gone farther than making out, but I can tell he's attracted to me. He seems reluctant to bring me back to his place, though. A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. :) Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ;)." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I'm so unaccustomed to this kind of timid, apologetic approach from a guy when it comes to sex. It's also a bit strange because he's very good looking, has a great job, seems to be pretty socially smooth, and I know he's had at least two serious girlfriends (he's 27).

 

Is something off or is this how high quality men act when they're courting a girl? It's just so far out of the realm of my experience that I'm not sure what to think.

  • Like 2
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I predict your sex life with him:

 

Missionary 90% of the time

Cums < 5 mins

You on top will be his idea of kinky

It will always take place on the bed, in the bedroom.

He wears boxers.

  • Like 8
aj22one Established Member

aj22one

Posted
Posted

He wears boxers.

 

Whats that got to do with anything? haha

  • Like 1
  • Author
tuxedo cat Established Member

tuxedo cat

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I predict your sex life with him:

 

Missionary 90% of the time

Cums < 5 mins

You on top will be his idea of kinky

It will always take place on the bed, in the bedroom.

He wears boxers.

 

Haha. I was thinking more boxer briefs.

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted

A prior 6 year relationship, he was not sexually aggressive in the beginning for the first 3 months. All-in-all, he was pretty traditional in most aspects.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

It depends. He may just be very measured and wants to be sure - not always a great sign for the ladies it seems :laugh:. However, he may come to life in the bedroom, you never know.

 

Saying that, if it isn't turning you off I would go with it for now and see what happens, but if it's too timid then maybe you should thinking about bailing. When it comes to "high quality" men, their approach varies depending on the type of man they are. I wouldn't put much stock into it being a "high quality" thing and rather this individual likes to test the waters vigorously and walk around in the shallow end for a while before swimming up to the deep end. If his pace is too slow then bail now, but if you want to see where it goes then you might be surprised.

  • Like 2
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

IMO, it's all in what one is used to. If you're used to men whom are overtly aggressive and frequently trend to the crude, a man who isn't that way will seem timid to invisible. Personally, I prefer to save the whips and collars for the bedroom and leave the keyboard romeo stuff to the guys who excel at it.

 

If you'll re-read the words you attributed to him, you'll note no apologies, rather him asking you whether you were comfortable with that style of communication. I had to learn some of this stuff since I was married to a rape/molestation survivor and certain words were 'triggers'. Perhaps I'm more sensitive to it now than prior to being married, IDK. Regardless, you'll encounter different styles of 'sex talk' and IMO it's easier to ramp up a less aggressive style than tone down a more aggressive style. You've begun the process by answering his questions and, in a flirtatious way, telling him how you like to be romanced/sexed. That can be a good thing. See how it goes.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
Whats that got to do with anything? haha

 

Personal experience ;)

  • Like 2
MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
Posted

Maybe he's just making sure he doesn't get smacked for moving too fast.

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tuxedo cat Established Member

tuxedo cat

Posted
  • Author
Posted

my professional opinion:

 

briefs -- narcissistic, vain, slutty or alternatively virginal/child-like

 

boxers -- lazy, normal, unclean, or laid back

 

boxer briefs -- controlled, timid, inhibited, or uptight

 

thongs -- creeper

 

:)

  • Like 2
MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
Posted
my professional opinion:

 

briefs -- narcissistic, vain, slutty or alternatively virginal/child-like

 

boxers -- lazy, normal, unclean, or laid back

 

boxer briefs -- controlled, timid, inhibited, or uptight

 

thongs -- creeper

 

:)

 

What do you have for someone who goes commando like myself?

  • Like 2
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Thongs = gay

  • Like 1
SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

Posted
Posted

Hell I've only had sex twice in my life and I'm more forward than that lol!

 

Given his looks and status I'd say he's a late bloomer or very conservative. Slight chance he's a player, if he is he's got a weird style. One big clue to being a player is selling hopes and dreams early on.

rocketman122 Established Member

rocketman122

Posted
Posted

You assume way to much regarding underwear. My gf thought I was gay when she saw my underwear.and every time I took my pants off she laughed saying u sure you're not gay? I buy mine from erogenous Or steveneven

 

No I'm not gay, not bi, completely heterosexual. I'm just sexually very open and in tune with my body. I think that the majority of men could put wear sexy underwear. If a women can dress sexy for me why can't I for her? I know now that they turn her on. She loves them now but was used to guys who couldn't give a crap on what they wear.

 

TC not every guy is the same. If he's reserved then probably it will be vanilla in bed. Time will tell. You never know. He is expressive though.. But it's all new,no? Give it time. U can train him later on if and only if he's open minded. Maybe you have to show him and encourage him. Or just be more aggressive. Every guy wants his lady to be a slut in bed. I always bring that out of the women I dated. They can't believe they would be so whorish haha

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
The guy I'm seeing now is very respectful, gentlemanly and sexually reserved. We've gone on a few dates and we haven't gone farther than making out, but I can tell he's attracted to me. He seems reluctant to bring me back to his place, though. A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. :) Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ;)." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I'm so unaccustomed to this kind of timid, apologetic approach from a guy when it comes to sex. It's also a bit strange because he's very good looking, has a great job, seems to be pretty socially smooth, and I know he's had at least two serious girlfriends (he's 27).

 

Is something off or is this how high quality men act when they're courting a girl? It's just so far out of the realm of my experience that I'm not sure what to think.

 

 

i have known men who are extremely good looking well adjusted men who are shy when it first comes to talking about intimacy......but....once they do get to feel comfortable and the relationship progresses all bets are off....they may be reserved when it comes to talking dirty, doesnt mean that they will be reserved once they really know you....only time will tell......holding back sexual dirty talk is not a bad thing....adds to the mystery and th epassion i feel....and doesnt have a bearing on the passion they have in the bedroom....my ex was reserved respectful as far as speech went.......because i liked it that way..one of the things that was attractive to me was his lack of crudeness.......in the bedroom...he was not reserved at all..deb

  • Like 1
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted

The hell is wrong with boxers?

 

They're comfortable, and they come in fun colors.

 

I'm not even sure I know what boxer briefs are.

Imported Established Member

Imported

Posted
Posted (edited)
my professional opinion:

 

briefs -- narcissistic, vain, slutty or alternatively virginal/child-like

 

boxers -- lazy, normal, unclean, or laid back

 

boxer briefs -- controlled, timid, inhibited, or uptight

 

thongs -- creeper

 

:)

 

Should a guy just not wear underwear? Seems any choice is a wrong choice with you.

 

 

Oh wait, there are other women with different opinions. I like my trunk ( low rise boxer) briefs. They are comfortable and look nice.

Edited by Imported
  • Like 1
Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted

My ex was like this.

 

I am a very sexual person and I was surprised at how rather timid he was. I remember trying to sext him one night and he wasn't biting. Rather, I got, "Hey I'm at my grandmother's right now." Um - I'm sorry were you going to show her?!

 

Another time we were at the beach house with his family. I got out of the shower after a long day at the beach, all tanned and looked at him with nothing but a towel on and "come hither" eyes. He told me he wasn't feeling it, and that we should go see what his parents were up to. :confused: Feeling unattractive, I finished getting dressed and went upstairs where I found him holding hands with his mother on the couch. Not even kidding.

 

The sex between us became few and far between, he would c*m incredibly quick most times, and it got to the point where we would see his family more than we had sex. He was also very good-looking with a 6-figure salary. Total package.

 

This is just me, but I HAVE to feel that certain animal magnetism and desire from my dude. If it's not there - in my experience it never will be.

  • Like 2
man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
Posted
You assume way to much regarding underwear. My gf thought I was gay when she saw my underwear.and every time I took my pants off she laughed saying u sure you're not gay?

 

Lol, what the hell are you wearing? I don't think men can use underwear the same way as women. Ofcourse you are free to wear whatever you want... :)

Lonely Ronin Established Member

Lonely Ronin

Posted
Posted
The guy I'm seeing now is very respectful, gentlemanly and sexually reserved. We've gone on a few dates and we haven't gone farther than making out, but I can tell he's attracted to me. He seems reluctant to bring me back to his place, though. A couple of nights ago we were talking online (he's abroad for work for another week), and I told him I had to sign off to get to sleep. After I signed off he texted me, "I was going to say I wish I was cuddling in bed with you. :) Is that too forward?" When I responded back that it wasn't, he wrote, "And maybe a little kissing too ;)." I told him I'd like that and he said, "I'm blushing."

 

I'm so unaccustomed to this kind of timid, apologetic approach from a guy when it comes to sex. It's also a bit strange because he's very good looking, has a great job, seems to be pretty socially smooth, and I know he's had at least two serious girlfriends (he's 27).

 

Is something off or is this how high quality men act when they're courting a girl? It's just so far out of the realm of my experience that I'm not sure what to think.

 

In some ways I'm very similar to the guy you just started dating, other than I'm a few years older. I'll try and give you some perspective base don my life. I didn't always know it, but I'm considered very good looking, and I'm a very passionate/affectionate person. I learned a long time ago, that because of how I look, and my personality I can easily run into two problems when it comes to sex. Some women will either think I only want sex, or the other issues, is that my intensity, can overwhelm them.

 

Thus I've learned to be very reserved at first, so that they don't get turned off, or overwhelmed. I won't go in for a first kiss, until I'm sure it's wanted, and I don't get aggressive until I'm sure they can handle it and want it.

 

My advise, is to either wait and see, or push for some affection, and see what happens, you might be surprised.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Eh, there are different forms of less sexually aggressive. I like a guy who isn't brutishly sexually aggressive right from the start because he has different priorities, is in control of himself, and views sexual intimacy as something he wants to have after establishing a R. But those guys tend to express themselves quite differently from the guy you mentioned in your OP, methinks. Your guy just sounds... well, apologetic and timid in general. Not because he is holding off on sex, but because he seems to want it but is AFRAID of it. Or of you. I mean... "Is that too forward?" Eek. :laugh: Not necessarily a bad thing, but not really my cup of tea.

  • Like 2
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

Color me sexually timid. I think it's part and parcel of having a low sex drive.

 

That, and I'm generally pretty clueless.

Dusk1983 Established Member

Dusk1983

Posted
Posted

Geez, guys can't win.

  • Like 2
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted

The last guy I dated was like that at the very beginning, but I can assure you he was nothing like what ES described, and in fact very passionate and assertive once things got started. He was just very respectful about it.

  • Like 4
Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted
Geez, guys can't win.

 

What's that supposed to mean? Because we like take-charge dudes?

 

That's nothing new.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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