asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Hey Guys, I've been reading these threads for a few days and it is sad all of the heartache that everyone experiences with these breakups, many of them awfully traumatic. Almost three years ago my relationship ended with my first serious GF, first girl I told I loved, etc. We had plans to get married and had been living together for three years. I actually broke it off with her, then three weeks later when it started to dawn on me that I'd made a mistake (I thought so then) I begged her to come back to me, and messaged her about once ever two months for a year. To say I was crushed was an understatement. There were days I would fall into a deep depression and just stare at our pictures together wishing we could be back. About three months after the break I started dating this girl that I dated on and off for about 2 years (finally I broke up with her about three months ago). What a HUGE mistake. She really loved me, and I just kept breaking it off telling her I wasn't ready. Messed up, I know. Anyways, six months into it I said screw it. Since then I have gotten in really good shape (always been in decent shape) and really started kicking ass at my job, bought a sweet car, bought a house, etc. During mine and this girl's breaks (there were many) I would try to date as many women as possible, which really helped the confidence. Fast forward three months ago I broke up with this girl (numerous reasons) and it really wasn't tough at all. I had confidence. I knew that in no time I'd be going on dates, meeting new people, and just having lots of fun being single. Going to Vegas tomorrow, and a bunch of other vacations this year, all of them SINGLE! My point of this thread wasn't to brag; it was to give some of you some perspective. Three years ago I was all of you--completely heartbroken. It took me a long, LONG time to get over her. Looking back on it now, I am SO GLAD we broke up. She was a nice girl but we just DID NOT see eye to eye on many things. TBH I don't know how we made it five years. That feeling you have now is just chemicals in your brain. Being in a relationship almost produces a sort of high that just makes you feel that everything is okay. I do not feel that I have made significant progress in my life during my relationships, many times due to this. I get comfortable. Life is about STRUGGLE. It will make you a better person. I know it sounds cliche, but it is so so true. If I had never gone through that experience, I wouldn't be where I am today. It gave me so much perspective about my last relationship. I know now that there is NO REASON TO SETTLE. You will meet someone else! The feeling is temporary! Again, I just wanted to give all of you some perspective. I know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest, and not know which way is up. It gets better. Better than it ever was in your relationship. Start kicking ass TODAY (okay that was super cheesy but you get my point). Edited March 20, 2013 by asdfasdf1234 6
knicksdan311 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Awesome post! That is the attitude i need to have! It's only been a month for me (with 4 days NC) but that made me feel alot better. I have been though this before and overcome it so I know it's true. My ex and I had nothing in common (like you said im surprised it lasted as long as it did). I need to regain my confidence and find someone who really is compatible with me and actually loves me. Your situation is actually very similar to mine, but my ex started dating somebody 2 weeks later. Anyway, great post! 2
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Awesome post! That is the attitude i need to have! It's only been a month for me (with 4 days NC) but that made me feel alot better. I have been though this before and overcome it so I know it's true. My ex and I had nothing in common (like you said im surprised it lasted as long as it did). I need to regain my confidence and find someone who really is compatible with me and actually loves me. Your situation is actually very similar to mine, but my ex started dating somebody 2 weeks later. Anyway, great post! Honestly I almost didn't post this because I didn't want to come off as a dick who was bragging. I have just seen so many threads in the past few days that are all negative and wanted to remind everyone being single can be awesome! I don't even want a relationship right now as things have been going so well. But I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gone through that traumatic experience. I guess I just wanted to remind everyone life can be good and it will be good very soon and you will look back on this and smile, even if right now you can't imagine it. 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) So what you're saying is you dumped 3 girls but you were the heart broken one? How do you think they felt? Gfy in.not "settling" but with an attitude like yours you may find youre too picky to settle down with anyone. You will never find a relationship where you see eye to eye on everything. Edited March 20, 2013 by Amelie1980
Wabisabi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Well I don't really get it...you're the dumper in all the cases you mentioned. Of course you heal faster. What about the girls you dumped? And the girl you said who really loved you? Most people heartbroken here are dumpees... 2
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Wow, such an encouraging conclusion- NOT. You got you heart ripped out b/c of the mistake YOU made. In reality, all of these ladies you took advantage of and threw aside like non-recycleable waste were the ones lucky to have been dumped. You are a player, my deluded friend. Making it more difficult for some of us to find someone who isn't completely jaded about having a healthy relationship. You improved yourself to be an even bigger "player." Phew, I can't stand it! I am so inspired! Thanks for nothing. 1
cavalier99 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I think all the bitterness expressed by the posters who tore into the OP is uncalled for. The OP expresses himself and had some good points in general. I totally dont get all the hate at a dumper. I was a dumpee but sometimes people want to end a relationship. Sometimes they reget it and are heartbroken also. maybe many of us played a bigger part in getting dumped than we let on here. Dumpers are not evil. just people like us. Get over it people. Cav 4
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I think all the bitterness expressed by the posters who tore into the OP is uncalled for. The OP expresses himself and had some good points in general. I totally dont get all the hate at a dumper. I was a dumpee but sometimes people want to end a relationship. Sometimes they reget it and are heartbroken also. maybe many of us played a bigger part in getting dumped than we let on here. Dumpers are not evil. just people like us. Get over it people. Cav Thanks Cav. Ladies, I understand why all of you seem upset. I am guessing all of you were the dumpee in your relationship and my post came off as I'm a player. I am certainly not a player. I was someone who was heartbroken for a little over a year and needed to get my confidence back. And yes, I broke up with her. The reason that I did this is that we were together for 5 years and I told her countless times I wanted to marry her. She never gave me the indication that that was what she wanted. She constantly said yes we can get married but only if you change this about yourself. She tried to change e me and I tried to change for her but I just couldn't do it and now I realize that I shouldn't have even tried to do it and she shouldn't have really ask me that if she did in fact love me. If you really love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them you need to accept them for who they are. My last girlfriend was a mistake I hadn't healed from my 5 year relationship and told her that over and over. She was in love with me, and I wanted to love her, I just couldn't because I wasn't ready. That was a very valuable lesson for me, and I hate the fact that I hurt her. I do not think I deserved to get blasted over what I said. I was just trying to be honest and tell everyone where I come from, and that whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, it gets better and you will look back on it and be happy that you went through what you went through as it makes you a stronger person and give you much more perspective for future relationships. All of the girls that I saw when I was single I told that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and I just wanted to be single for a while. At no point did I tell them I wanted to be in a relationship with them just to have sex. And to this day not 1 of them has any animosity towards me because I have been completely upfront about my intentions. So again, I do not think any of what you said was deserved. Edited March 20, 2013 by asdfasdf1234
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Wow, such an encouraging conclusion- NOT. You got you heart ripped out b/c of the mistake YOU made. In reality, all of these ladies you took advantage of and threw aside like non-recycleable waste were the ones lucky to have been dumped. You are a player, my deluded friend. Making it more difficult for some of us to find someone who isn't completely jaded about having a healthy relationship. You improved yourself to be an even bigger "player." Phew, I can't stand it! I am so inspired! Thanks for nothing. I must say I truly feel sorry for you. You come off as an extremely bitter and callous person. My post had 1 purpose and that was to bring a little light heartedness and positivity to those that are going through tough breakups. II know I was the 1 that dumped her and I was the 1 and the only 1 to blame for what had happened. However, looking back on it now that I have a little perspective has made me realize that I did the right thing. And just because I was the dumper doesn't mean that I didn't go through an extremely painful experience. And again, I KNOW it was my fault.
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 So what you're saying is you dumped 3 girls but you were the heart broken one? How do you think they felt? Gfy in.not "settling" but with an attitude like yours you may find youre too picky to settle down with anyone. You will never find a relationship where you see eye to eye on everything. I actually broke up with 2 girls. The first 1 I've already explained. My last girlfriend cheated on me while I was away on vacation. My roommate found out about it because his girlfriend was friends with my girlfriend. I confronted her about it and she denied it over and over. She then send a letter to my whole family via email saying that she didn't do it. I finally spoke with my friends girlfriend and she told me the whole story. At that point she finally admitted doing it. It was probably 1 of the most painful things I've gone through. The truth is I hurt her a lot in the beginning of our relationship because I wasn't over my previous girlfriend. It was truly unfortunate as I was over my previous girlfriend about 3 months before the cheating happened. I guess that's how life works sometimes.
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Well I don't really get it...you're the dumper in all the cases you mentioned. Of course you heal faster. What about the girls you dumped? And the girl you said who really loved you? Most people heartbroken here are dumpees... My heart goes out to all the dumpees on here. I know how it feels to be in love with someone that doesn't want to take you back. By the way I explained in a post above why I broke up with my last girlfriend who said she really loved me.
Jono85 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I actually broke up with 2 girls. The first 1 I've already explained. My last girlfriend cheated on me while I was away on vacation. My roommate found out about it because his girlfriend was friends with my girlfriend. I confronted her about it and she denied it over and over. She then send a letter to my whole family via email saying that she didn't do it. I finally spoke with my friends girlfriend and she told me the whole story. At that point she finally admitted doing it. It was probably 1 of the most painful things I've gone through. The truth is I hurt her a lot in the beginning of our relationship because I wasn't over my previous girlfriend. It was truly unfortunate as I was over my previous girlfriend about 3 months before the cheating happened. I guess that's how life works sometimes. i can really relate to this, except without the cheating. the ex that i'm grieving over now, i was the exact same with in the first 7 months or so of our relationship. i broke up with her multiple times b/c i did in fact care about her so much (i remember breaking down in tears breaking up with her, knowing the pain it would cause). truth was i still wasn't over my exex (i have threads on here, while in that relationship, about my exex). anyway, after the breakups she would beg, plead, and would tell me since there's no one else (there wasn't) lets keep trying. so i always caved. and obviously, i did evetually fall in love with her. but it didn't last long as her feelings just weren't the same anymore. we tried for a bit, but didn't work out. it sucks. timing can play such a big part on things. but we both gotta accept our part in the demise of the relationships and like you said, there will be more/better matches to come. gotta believe that. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I must say I truly feel sorry for you. You come off as an extremely bitter and callous person. My post had 1 purpose and that was to bring a little light heartedness and positivity to those that are going through tough breakups. II know I was the 1 that dumped her and I was the 1 and the only 1 to blame for what had happened. However, looking back on it now that I have a little perspective has made me realize that I did the right thing. And just because I was the dumper doesn't mean that I didn't go through an extremely painful experience. And again, I KNOW it was my fault. I was laughing at this response. First of all there isn't a bitter or callous bone in my body. I know a player when see and read about one. Yes, there's a sob story in your original post, but it's undermined by the way you've responded to it. BTW, I'm a guy if you probably thought I was a bitter, callous woman. Good luck man. You haven't given me any insight that is valuable or helpful.
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 i can really relate to this, except without the cheating. the ex that i'm grieving over now, i was the exact same with in the first 7 months or so of our relationship. i broke up with her multiple times b/c i did in fact care about her so much (i remember breaking down in tears breaking up with her, knowing the pain it would cause). truth was i still wasn't over my exex (i have threads on here, while in that relationship, about my exex). anyway, after the breakups she would beg, plead, and would tell me since there's no one else (there wasn't) lets keep trying. so i always caved. and obviously, i did evetually fall in love with her. but it didn't last long as her feelings just weren't the same anymore. we tried for a bit, but didn't work out. it sucks. timing can play such a big part on things. but we both gotta accept our part in the demise of the relationships and like you said, there will be more/better matches to come. gotta believe that. Wow. EXACTLY like my last relationship.
Author asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I was laughing at this response. First of all there isn't a bitter or callous bone in my body. I know a player when see and read about one. Yes, there's a sob story in your original post, but it's undermined by the way you've responded to it. BTW, I'm a guy if you probably thought I was a bitter, callous woman. Good luck man. You haven't given me any insight that is valuable or helpful. You're a GUY? Wow, didn't see that coming. You sound like a woman that had been burned. If my post didn't do anything for you then why did you respond? I'll tell you why, you're a hater. The worst type: callous and bitter. Seriously though, just move along, no need to respond. The ONLY reason I can think that you responded was jealousy, and that my friend is very sad. You must be the most beta male I've ever witnessed. Keep in mind, I wouldn't have said any of this had you not been a Dick for no reason.I didn't help you? Great. I've had a few compliments and I appreciate them. Please, move along dude.
Wabisabi Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 My heart goes out to all the dumpees on here. I know how it feels to be in love with someone that doesn't want to take you back. By the way I explained in a post above why I broke up with my last girlfriend who said she really loved me. Yeah I read your previous post. Now I get a clearer picture. And really I wasn't upset or anything, just didn't really understand how a dumper could feel as heartbroken as a dumpee. Well, in your case, I now understand better. I've been a dumper before so for me I know I moved on quickly without too much pain. I'm guessing it's because of different reason for different people? On a side note, just wanna say that sometimes we misunderstand the tone of a written text. Happens a lot with online communication. So perhaps not everyone's bitter or upset when responding to your post.
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