snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I do believe that you are having an emotional break down Miss. Calm down, we are only trying to help you...you are losing your mind over this all - not worth it... I see you are beyond words atm. But calm down... As of everyone else: calm down too, I sense too much tension now. Yikes...what a monster this thread turned into. You're right, I was harsh. But I really don't take kindly to being insulted and attacked when I'm actually taking the time to try to help someone. I don't understand seeking advice, only to lash out at everyone who doesn't co-sign the negative feelings you have about yourself.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 You're right, I was harsh. But I really don't take kindly to being insulted and attacked when I'm actually taking the time to try to help someone. I don't understand seeking advice, only to lash out at everyone who doesn't co-sign the negative feelings you have about yourself. You're alright pretty lady, I understand. Everyone's fine. You have a right to defend yourself. Just everyone(especi&ly miss jones) needed a breather. She is having an emotional breakdown, she is acting out, even against help -it makes her look crazy, but really hher emotions have gotten power over her... I do not want you to die now miss jones. Just calm down, take a break...regain your senses. 1
salparadise Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I am not the ideal and as a result I am very bitter and angry. Who wouldn't be angry if you are the LAST choice for every race of men on earth including your own? How can I possibly be happy with this? I am so tired of having to put up a stupid front, and faux self esteem just to cope in this world that unfairly puts me at a disadvantage solely based on my race and skin tone. Every other woman is entitled to love and happiness but me. I am being punished for something i have no control over. Given that you've decided to view it this way, I empathize with the feelings you have surrounding what you believe to believe your unfair lot in life. It probably doesn't help that the political climate of recent decades has mandated that both blacks and females be treated preferentially, yet in this particular realm discrimination continues, and there's no place to file the grievance to have it corrected. I've tried to point out the irrationality and ineffectiveness of voluntarily assuming the role of victim but you refuse or unable to look at it from alternate perspectives, or to shift the focus to the things you can control vs. those you cannot. What else can we do––how can we help you? Let me just point out that everyone falls somewhere along the scale from stunningly beautiful to unfortunately unattractive. When I was in school there were always a few girls who would be ridiculed and made the butt of endless jokes because they were at the far end of the unattractive scale. As awful and unfair as it was, they endured and went on to marry and raise families. As the saying goes, there's a lid for every pot. The trick is finding yours, not in lamenting that the majority of the lids won't fit. So, the way I see it you have exactly two options. 1) change your skin color, and 2) integrate perceptual changes, along with acceptance of what is, and focus on being the best you can be with gifts you were given. The problem with #1 is that it doesn't include #2. So it's like women who are already drop dead gorgeous going for cosmetic surgery time and time again until they end up looking freakish. Their problem was never the way they looked. Their problem was accepting themselves as they were. I know you're stuck and fixated on this, so my suggestion is to find a good therapist to help you work through it. I don't know what else to say. 4
kaylan Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I find this not to be true and just a false internet misconception that has spread to every forum and blog. In reality, most white men are not preferring the dark afro featured black women with natural hair. The white guy I was interested in, apparently liked a lightskinned, weave wearing black girl over me. So what you said is not true. They like Beyonce, Rihanna, Lauren Londons just like the black guys doHes right. Go to any major city. While white guys do date the type of black women you mentioned, plenty of them are drawn to more african looking women. And Im talking about the yuppie hipster girls with natural hair and a pride in their heritage. Like I even saw one couple with two cute little mixed kids. Dad was tall, brunnette, handsome and someone white women would be all over. The mom was dark smooth velvety chocolate skin, and a short hair cut like Alek Wek. She was tall too and shared her features. And its not rare for me to see white guys with dreadlocked and afro puff haired women in NYC. They seem to go with them more so than the typical black chick who tries to change her appearance to fit into european bueaty standards. Like i said before...embrace who you are. And your location is prolly a good reason why youre having the experiences you are.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Did we ever figure out where she lives? Missjones, look, its like this.....do you look good? If yes, then maybe being pissy is pushing guys away. Doubt its your looks. I'm not partial to any one type or race of woman. But I would say if I see a black girl who has the body type and facial features I like, I don't care if she's Lisa Bonet light or Grace Jones dark. Some sister with a nice body, beautiful smile and lips, big eyes, dark skin and hair that's got some POW! and I am done. Same girl rolls in with some BS attitude...then I'm not interested. By the same token, if I see some light skinned girl with a weave and those stupid colored contacts, I don't care how pretty she is...not interested. What's that Outkast song? 'From yo weave to yo fake eyes to yo fake nails down to yo toes...hahahaha, we love deez hos...hahahaha, we love deez hos' Edited March 20, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 She's not telling us where she lives which means she's probably in the south which means her chances are slim to none. Move to NYC or Jersy/Philly.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This doesn't make me feel better in the least bit. Black women are always somebody's live in lover...never a respectable wife or anything. That is what I am trying to get away from..being somebody's babymomma or forever live in girlfriend. you lived with that woman for five years and never married her...that sucks Your decision to single me out for a negative response where you jumped to conclusions about "babymamma" and the fact that we didn't marry married is frankly pretty crappy given that it's plain as could be that I was just trying to be supportive by relating a tiny bit of my personal experience in a WM and BF relationship. I know I voiced an apology of sorts in there too that it can't help but seem like an over-simplicication to advise someone that others--actually most people are not perfect, lucky or always get what they want and we have to find ways to lump it. But people do as you did with this thread--bemoan things that they have no control over and turn it into a "woe is me" gripe and then find fault with those who don't say exactly what you want to hear--and alienate strangers whom you could just as easily befriend. There is no way you could know the nature of my relationship or why it ended--you just chose to project a very low grade stereotype on me and my long-time love. OK if you want to know more, for one, she hid the fact that she had a son from someone else before getting together with me and I only found out through a third party months after I let myself fall in love with her and be so intimate I can still taste her tears. I don't know if her having a child would have been a reason not to ask her out--she didn't afford me that courteousy and just indulged her want of me whether it would screw me up or not. But I decided that to toss her away after finding out that she had sent her son away to live with his grandma in another state just for that reason would make me a pretty heartless bastard and I felt for her because in truth, she loved me and had a crush on me from afar on our job for a year before I asked her out (after dancing at the company Christmas party). If my personal sympathy (versus others) made you feel particularly bad--and bad enough jump to wrong conclusions and post me a nastigram, maybe it's not your skin tone that is keeping you from attracting someone. My g/f as I said had a lot of visual flaws--more than I let on. But who she was--the positive energy she gave off did not just attract me but made her very popular with everyone of all skin tones she encountered. Anyway, I'm out of this self pity party. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt. What a waste of my time.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 She's not telling us where she lives which means she's probably in the south which means her chances are slim to none. Move to NYC or Jersy/Philly. Exactly. Missjones should come to Chicago. I'll kick it with her....unless she's pissy.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Lol...im from the south and see tons of intterracial dating...highly doubt its simply her region... Hell, let me go get my straw hat and guitar for all you yankees too I mean it is the south. Lol 1
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) She's not telling us where she lives which means she's probably in the south which means her chances are slim to none. Move to NYC or Jersy/Philly. In the past 8 years, I've lived in Texas, Cali (the bay area), and DC. No noticeable differences in my experience. The only place I can think of where racial ambiguity is openly celebrated - and where I really think complexion could be such an obstacle - is Los Angeles. Maybe some pockets in the south are that way, but I was born and raised in southeast TX and live in Houston now w/ no problems at all. ETA: Then again, maybe I just don't notice. If a man walks by me and shows no interest, I just don't automatically assume it's because I'm brownskinned. He could be taken, there could be a million other ways I'm not his type, so on and so forth... that's just not a conclusion I'd automatically draw. Edited March 20, 2013 by snowflakes88
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Oh and let me be the one to have the pleasure to tell you mighty northern brothers: Miss Joness is from the East Coast U.S granted east can still be south, but a nice hint...she def. Doesnt live in georgia/FL east regions...
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This geography discussion reminded me of a convo I had with a random guy in a bar in DC shortly before I moved to California: Him: [random flirty chatter] I don't know if you're involved with anyone, but I'd like to get to know you better. Me: Normally I'd say yes, but I'm actually moving to Cali in like two weeks. Him: Oh, man. That's unfortunate. Me: Why do you say that? Him: Let me preface this by saying I think you're beautiful... but you're brownskinned, and your hair isn't straight. I hate to say it, but you're gonna have a hard time with the brothas in LA. Me: I'm actually moving to the bay area... Him: Oh, nevermind. You'll be alright, then. 3
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 If I remember right, she had told me where it is she lived before... She is 27 or 28 yrs old. At one point, she might have lived in chicago(?) I don't fully remember, so don't take my word for it. But she is 27-28 years old.
nofool4u Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Black women are told to date out in order to expand our options. So that's what I am doing. But I find that I am still competing with lightskin black women and they have the edge. Im very frustrated. They are getting the black men I want and the white men. What do I do?? Date more white men. Trust me, there are white men out there that would love a nubian princess, regardless of complexion. 1
Krieger Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Media Portrays Black/ African Women in a Negative Light and not all black woman are like that . I meet a ton of black woman that are educated , fun attractive and have a good head on there shoulders. I am very open to dating non white woman why just limit ones self ? I say just keep on trying and be open minded and you be fine.
nessaaa Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 White women want to get darker skin, bigger lips and are getting glute implants; black women want lighter skin and don't like their more 'ethnic' appearance. Women just hate themselves, period. Sad. ALL WOMAN, black,white, yellow...want to look BROWN, like the girls from Brazil, spain, middle east, for example. These girls have beautiful skin tones, the ass the boobs the curves, the pretty shaped lips, exotic eyes, pretty thick hair. No one wants to be too black or too white, inbetween is where its at.
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 In the past 8 years, I've lived in Texas, Cali (the bay area), and DC. No noticeable differences in my experience. The only place I can think of where racial ambiguity is openly celebrated - and where I really think complexion could be such an obstacle - is Los Angeles. Maybe some pockets in the south are that way, but I was born and raised in southeast TX and live in Houston now w/ no problems at all. ETA: Then again, maybe I just don't notice. If a man walks by me and shows no interest, I just don't automatically assume it's because I'm brownskinned. He could be taken, there could be a million other ways I'm not his type, so on and so forth... that's just not a conclusion I'd automatically draw. No problems meaning you've dated white men in Texas/Houston? Like I said I've only seen 3 examples (I actually remeber a 4th now lol) in 20 years here and one includes me. My nephew who has a black father lived with us until he was 5. When I'd take him out people would stare and it bothered me.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Bottom line is that despite what anybody said, missjones wanted to have a BS attitude about it. I told her the girl that I hang out with is light-skinned, but if she was dark-skinned with the same features (facial, body) that I would still be all about her. Missjones response was 'oh, what....is that supposed to make me feel better?'. Uhhhhh, yeah. I'm telling you that her complexion is the last physical attribute I care about. So, yeah, it should make you feel better, because I'm telling you that I actually like dark-skinned girls equally to light-skinned girls. Sorry it doesn't jive with your construct of 'nobody likes dark sisters'. So just go sit by yourself and be grouchy and fulfil your own prophecy. Then you can ceeate all the evidence you need to satisfy your argument. And to the poster who said attitude doesn't matter in dating, you just saw a case in point for how it does. 1
Author MissJoness Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Bottom line is that despite what anybody said, missjones wanted to have a BS attitude about it. I told her the girl that I hang out with is light-skinned, but if she was dark-skinned with the same features (facial, body) that I would still be all about her. Missjones response was 'oh, what....is that supposed to make me feel better?'. Uhhhhh, yeah. I'm telling you that her complexion is the last physical attribute I care about. So, yeah, it should make you feel better, because I'm telling you that I actually like dark-skinned girls equally to light-skinned girls. Sorry it doesn't jive with your construct of 'nobody likes dark sisters'. So just go sit by yourself and be grouchy and fulfil your own prophecy. Then you can ceeate all the evidence you need to satisfy your argument. And to the poster who said attitude doesn't matter in dating, you just saw a case in point for how it does. if you like darkskinned women so much then why aren't you with one?? You dont know how many times I've heard this line from men who are with light/mixed women...that they'd still date these women even if they were dark while they continue to exclusively date nothing but light/mixed women. you're just feeding me a bunch of BS. if she were darkskinned you wouldn't have even approached her. just be honest about it. no point in lying to me to try to make me feel better
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 if you like darkskinned women so much then why aren't you with one?? You dont know how many times I've heard this line from men who are with light/mixed women...that they'd still date these women even if they were dark while they continue to exclusively date nothing but light/mixed women. you're just feeding me a bunch of BS. if she were darkskinned you wouldn't have even approached her. just be honest about it. no point in lying to me to try to make me feel better This is a really simple question to answer. I didn't wake up one day and say 'I'm gonna go get a black girl', and then as I walked down the black girl aisle, I checked out the real black girls, the average brown girls, and then the light chicks and halfies, and when I got to the halfies said 'OK, this is what I want.' I wasn't looking for anything. It just happened, and part of the reason it happened was because I had known this girl for a long time. I didn't have a sista objective. Wasn't looking to date a black girl. I ended up with the girl I hang out with for a thousand different reasons, and none of them had anything to do with complexion. OK? She could have just as easily been dark, and if she had the same kickin ass body and gorgeous face and (here's the big one) amazing personality, I would have been just as into her. I'm trying to tell you something but you just don't want to hear it. I can't help you with that. But at the end of the day, sweetness, you're kinda creating your own reality. Don't do that. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 if you like darkskinned women so much then why aren't you with one?? You dont know how many times I've heard this line from men who are with light/mixed women...that they'd still date these women even if they were dark while they continue to exclusively date nothing but light/mixed women. you're just feeding me a bunch of BS. if she were darkskinned you wouldn't have even approached her. just be honest about it. no point in lying to me to try to make me feel better I like black guys a lot... and I am now with an old bald white dude. I seriously doubt that is what he is saying. people have preferences, that doesn't mean they automatically rule out anyone that ISN'T what they prefer.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 And missjones, I stated earlier that I've hung out with all kinds of black girls. One girl I was digging a lot, and she was so dark that when she put on a black t-shirt the s**t looked grey. I stopped hanging out with her because of her garbage attitude. Had nothing to do with her complexion. And FTR, I don't exclusively do anything.
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I think I'm going to start pusuing black women. As bad as the sterotypes about them are I see plenty of them on campus who seem really cool and funny and there are a lot of attractive ones too. This time last year one sat next to me on the bus and I pussed out and stared out the window the whole time. I knew she was into me becusae I saw her as soon as I got to the bus stop and she started mesing with her hair and when we were on the bus she was sitting somewhere else. Well at the first stop she let someone out and then sat next to me and I looked at her and we smiled at eachother. My shyness got the best of me tbs I was probably 9-10 years older than her anyway. I told the guys at work about it and the gave me some much deserved greif.
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