mesmerized Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yeah, because I so want to be with someone, who is constantly down. Always complaining...and flakes over any trouble that comes. Attitude is everything to the proper man. Looks, money, or other statuses only matter to the immature. Then I guess 99 percent of men are immature. Attitude does matter but it's certainly not all and it actually matters much less if you have other qualities men look for. I think men don't realize how much fitting the standards of beauty in whatever society you live in is big in a woman's dating success. However, at the end of the day, there are some things that we just cannot change...better come to peace with them and find ways to work around them than whine and hate.
CryForNoOne Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yeah, because I so want to be with someone, who is constantly down. Always complaining...and flakes over any trouble that comes. Attitude is everything to the proper man. Looks, money, or other statuses only matter to the immature. C'mon looks, money and other statuses matter to everyone! OLD is proof. If it's the ONLY thing that matters, THAT's immature.
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I wouldn't exactly call it colorism. Many women aren't attracted to pale red heads which I happen to be. People have their preferences and if I'm too pale for someone I shouldn't judge them for their preference as I shoudn't be judged for not wanting to date a darker woman. It is definitely colorism. For black people, the preference for lighter skin tones is rooted in slavery.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 C'mon looks, money and other statuses matter to everyone! OLD is proof. If it's the ONLY thing that matters, THAT's immature. Looks are rather minor, so are other statuses. Just because the majority go by it, doesn't mean all do. OLD sucks, and has too many pervy wants one thing or too many money hungry people. I was expecting someone to comment to what I said. You aren't wrong either. - indeed if it is the only thing, however, these things are second to none to me....call it growth...i learned . (opinion...)
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I do agree that an attitude change is in order. I am a darkskinned black girl, and I have no problems attracting men at all. I don't have any issues with my complexion, however. I love my brown skin 100%, and I don't feel "less than" because of it. Colorism in the black community is real - and it's present among Hispanics, Asians, and Indians as well. There's a reason you only see very pale, white-looking Hispanics as the face of Telemundo, and a reason why fairer-skinned Indians are more accepted by Hollywood/Bollywood. A reason why so many Jamaicans and Nigerians bleach their skin. A reason why so many black women insist on sewing silky straight weaves into their hair and piling on makeup to contour their noses to make them look thinner. It's because the European standard of beauty reigns supreme. And as black folks, we were separated by skin color even as slaves, creating the impression that lighter skin = better. So I don't discount the struggle, because I know that this is a legit issue that many outside of our community will never truly understand. But you can't change it. What you can do is start to feel comfortable in your own skin. You will never be aesthetically appealing to every man. People like different hairstyles, body types, facial features - and yes, complexions. I concern myself with the men who are attracted to what I bring to the table and don't concern myself with the others. And your rant is particularly interesting to me in the context of interracial dating... while a lot of black men are hung up on complexion, hair texture, etc., I typically see white men with darkerskinned black women with nature hair - the type of black woman a lot of black men find undesirable. It's interesting to me. 2
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Really? I am lighter and I date white men and I have gotten turned down a lot for being light. I don't think it matters a lot to white men whether you are dark or light though, so white guys have never dated outside their race so you have to kind of look at that too.
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 It may be more than the color of the skin. Many light skin black women have quite a bit of Caucasian blend and they have different hair texture and a more Euro face. I happen to believe that a pure African woman is more gorgeous, but other men are different. I am so sick of men coming in here saying how they think a pure african face is so gorgeous yet the reality reflects something completely different. If given a choice between a pure African face and a black woman with lightskin and Euro features they'd choose the lightskin Black woman. Please stop trying to appease me with feel good comments about how a African face is so gorgeous because if that were the case then most men would date African women but they dont. I'd also like to add that there are brown and dark women with Euro features as well, and then there are lightskin Black women with African features. So what you said is not 100% accurate
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Also wanted to add this tidbit, which I found very sad (but interesting). There's a pre-civil war museum somewhere that had a document drafted by a slaveowner... maybe a letter from one slaveowner to another. Anyway, the letter stated that the reason they put darkskinned black people in the fields and lightskinned black people in the owner's home was to cause division and dissension in the race. They figured that if they could get the slaves pitted against one another based on skin tone, they'd decrease the odds of the slaves uniting against them. Really interesting. Sad that the vestiges remain so many years later. 2
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I do agree that an attitude change is in order. I am a darkskinned black girl, and I have no problems attracting men at all. I don't have any issues with my complexion, however. I love my brown skin 100%, and I don't feel "less than" because of it. Colorism in the black community is real - and it's present among Hispanics, Asians, and Indians as well. There's a reason you only see very pale, white-looking Hispanics as the face of Telemundo, and a reason why fairer-skinned Indians are more accepted by Hollywood/Bollywood. A reason why so many Jamaicans and Nigerians bleach their skin. A reason why so many black women insist on sewing silky straight weaves into their hair and piling on makeup to contour their noses to make them look thinner. It's because the European standard of beauty reigns supreme. And as black folks, we were separated by skin color even as slaves, creating the impression that lighter skin = better. So I don't discount the struggle, because I know that this is a legit issue that many outside of our community will never truly understand. But you can't change it. What you can do is start to feel comfortable in your own skin. You will never be aesthetically appealing to every man. People like different hairstyles, body types, facial features - and yes, complexions. I concern myself with the men who are attracted to what I bring to the table and don't concern myself with the others. And your rant is particularly interesting to me in the context of interracial dating... while a lot of black men are hung up on complexion, hair texture, etc., I typically see white men with darkerskinned black women with nature hair - the type of black woman a lot of black men find undesirable. It's interesting to me. I find this not to be true and just a false internet misconception that has spread to every forum and blog. In reality, most white men are not preferring the dark afro featured black women with natural hair. The white guy I was interested in, apparently liked a lightskinned, weave wearing black girl over me. So what you said is not true. They like Beyonce, Rihanna, Lauren Londons just like the black guys do
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I am so sick of men coming in here saying how they think a pure african face is so gorgeous yet the reality reflects something completely different. If given a choice between a pure African face and a black woman with lightskin and Euro features they'd choose the lightskin Black woman. Please stop trying to appease me with feel good comments about how a African face is so gorgeous because if that were the case then most men would date African women but they dont. I'd also like to add that there are brown and dark women with Euro features as well, and then there are lightskin Black women with African features. So what you said is not 100% accurate Okay, so I do think your attitude/anger is a part of the problem. There are men who prefer black women who look black. Maybe they aren't the majority, but they do exist. Where does attacking them/accusing them of being liars get you?? 2
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I find this not to be true and just a false internet misconception that has spread to every forum and blog. In reality, most white men are not preferring the dark afro featured black women with natural hair. The white guy I was interested in, apparently liked a lightskinned, weave wearing black girl over me. So what you said is not true. They like Beyonce, Rihanna, Lauren Londons just like the black guys do That's what I've seen with my own eyes, so you aren't in a position to tell me it's not true. It's my own personal, observed experience. You're so hellbent on refusing to believe that no man could find a darkskinned woman beautiful that you can't even entertain the notion that some do. That speaks volumes about your own issues. 3
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Perhaps you're making progress... this time you said, "most" as opposed to all. How many men in this lifetime do you actually need to not leave? What if you bleach your skin and the next guy, or next three guys leave anyway? Will you think it's because it's still not light enough or will you go for breast implants or a nose job next? Also, consider that if you're a dark skinned black woman then most of the other women on the planet are lighter skinned that you, so it only stands to reason that most of your ex's next partners are going to be lighter skinned. I am a light skinned white man, and most of my ex's end up with men who are darker than me. It's only reasonable to assume that would be the case. Identifying a correlation absolutely does not make it a causal relationship. Even if your assumption were correct, all you need is ONE good exception. If you convince us that such exceptions do not exist, then what will you have achieved? However, if you think differently and convince yourself that exceptions do exist, then you'll be in the game just like the rest of us... looking for one wonderful person who will appreciate us just for who we are. But why are most of his partners lighter in the first place?? Obviously because people are choosing to mate with lighter toned people more often which results in them producing lighter offspring every generation. Then darkskin black women like me are left at a huge disadvantage because I have to compete with all of these lightskin women and I am losing... When I discussed this issue the first time, I was told to date interracially because white men think 'darkskin' is exotic which is a huge bowel of bullshyt and lies. They don't prefer darkskin, they are checking out the lightskin black women and preferring them over darkskin women too. Hispanic men are the same. And asian men don't even date black women like or dark period. Maybe my attitude is effed up because I am not the preferred skin tone, I am not the ideal and as a result I am very bitter and angry. Who wouldn't be angry if you are the LAST choice for every race of men on earth including your own? How can I possibly be happy with this? I am so tired of having to put up a stupid front, and faux self esteem just to cope in this world that unfairly puts me at a disadvantage solely based on my race and skin tone. Every other woman is entitled to love and happiness but me. I am being punished for something i have no control over.
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 That's what I've seen with my own eyes, so you aren't in a position to tell me it's not true. It's my own personal, observed experience. You're so hellbent on refusing to believe that no man could find a darkskinned woman beautiful that you can't even entertain the notion that some do. That speaks volumes about your own issues. Because most men simply don't prefer darkskin. I read this crap online "darkskin is beautiful" oh "african features are so gorgeous" yet when you go out into the real world, who is the woman that every man is vying for her attention?? A lightskin woman/white/hispanic/mixed/etc woman. I have never ever in real life, seen a very darkskin Black woman with pure African features get pursued or chosen over light/mixed/white/asian women EVER. Unless she is in porn or a stripper. But never a fully clothed darkskin Afro featured black woman. You're just feeding me a bunch of feel good messages and telling me what I want to hear to stop me from killing myself The hot girl in the office is always light/white/mixed/hispanic/creole/asian/some other non black race. So when I read this I know you are just saying this to appease me and make me feel better. In other words you are just bullshyting me. I bet the moment you get off the internet you are probably drooling over every white or mixed woman you see
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Okay, so I do think your attitude/anger is a part of the problem. There are men who prefer black women who look black. Maybe they aren't the majority, but they do exist. Where does attacking them/accusing them of being liars get you?? That's the problem, they are not the majority. They are a very very small minority, which makes it incredibly difficult for me. If you were in my shoes you'd be angry too. Who would be happy knowing that every man on this planet puts you last? Every man on the planet does not deem you as worthy because you are black with darkskin and nappy hair?? It's an awful reality and it becomes incredibly tiring to keep putting up this fake front that I am worthy when clearly I am not. Everyday is pure hell for me. Everyday I cry about my darkskin and race. Everyday I go out and see a black man with a lightskin woman, and i am just sad. I have periods where I go home and cry everyday. I have been doing this since middle school. I don't think I can live like this any longer. I don't plan on living for very long. Obviously I have no worth or value to anybody. If I died I doubt anyone would care. Nobody cares or loves me at all.
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Where are you located, geographically? I just don't have these problems you do, and I am darkskinned - with natural hair, no less. No relaxer, no weave, no bleaching, no ridiculous face contouring, no gelled down baby hairs ... none of that. Just a "regular," attractive black woman. I have had many boyfriends and date regularly, as often as I feel like. I get hit on by men of all races (albeit less frequently by non-Black men, which is cool with me), and I get plenty of compliments on my appearance - including my kinky curly hair. I just can't relate to your experience, I guess.... but I do think it would be very different if I lived in say, Los Angeles, where the European standard of beauty is even more pervasive. But as much as you don't want to hear it, I think a big part of it is that I honestly think I am a very pretty girl, I feel confident/good about myself, and I carry myself accordingly. Men are attracted to swag and confidence, the same way women are. I've dated many men who have said they don't usually gravitate towards darker skinned women... but because I believe I'm the sh*t and carry myself that way, they believe it too. 4
Revolver Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 No its not a joke, its very real. Let them ignore it to their continuous peril just to be "right". It's not true though. What's more then likely is that the people they are attracted to just don't feel the same way. It has nothing to do with their "attitude". Theres Too many terrible people are very successful at dating for that
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 That's the problem, they are not the majority. They are a very very small minority, which makes it incredibly difficult for me. If you were in my shoes you'd be angry too. Who would be happy knowing that every man on this planet puts you last? Every man on the planet does not deem you as worthy because you are black with darkskin and nappy hair?? It's an awful reality and it becomes incredibly tiring to keep putting up this fake front that I am worthy when clearly I am not. Everyday is pure hell for me. Everyday I cry about my darkskin and race. Everyday I go out and see a black man with a lightskin woman, and i am just sad. I have periods where I go home and cry everyday. I have been doing this since middle school. I don't think I can live like this any longer. I don't plan on living for very long. Obviously I have no worth or value to anybody. If I died I doubt anyone would care. Nobody cares or loves me at all. Are you not reading?? I AM IN YOUR SHOES. I simply don't let it break me down or rule my life the way you do! 3
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I bet the moment you get off the internet you are probably drooling over every white or mixed woman you see Sweetheart, are you slow? I've said several times that I am a darkskinned black woman, the same as you are. Jesus. 2
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Where are you located, geographically? I just don't have these problems you do, and I am darkskinned - with natural hair, no less. No relaxer, no weave, no bleaching, no ridiculous face contouring, no gelled down baby hairs ... none of that. Just a "regular," attractive black woman. I have had many boyfriends and date regularly, as often as I feel like. I get hit on by men of all races (albeit less frequently by non-Black men, which is cool with me), and I get plenty of compliments on my appearance - including my kinky curly hair. I just can't relate to your experience, I guess.... but I do think it would be very different if I lived in say, Los Angeles, where the European standard of beauty is even more pervasive. But as much as you don't want to hear it, I think a big part of it is that I honestly think I am a very pretty girl, I feel confident/good about myself, and I carry myself accordingly. Men are attracted to swag and confidence, the same way women are. I've dated many men who have said they don't usually gravitate towards darker skinned women... but because I believe I'm the sh*t and carry myself that way, they believe it too. And there you go, throwing me under the bus by suggessting that I am ugly. Whenever this topic comes up, a darkskin woman always manages to comment about how she doesn't have this problem because she is "exceptionally prettier" than the rest of us poor ugly ol average undateable dark black women. can an average, darkskin woman with traditional black features find anybody?? does she have to be exceptional look?? I guess so
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Sweetheart, are you slow? I've said several times that I am a darkskinned black woman, the same as you are. Jesus. but you stated that you are "exceptionally prettier" than the rest of us average dark women. I guess you're one of those "pretty for a black girl" types
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I really don't care anymore. I am not going to live long anyway. I think death would be much more peaceful than this miserable existence that I am living in. I am going to start planning my funeral and expressing my final wishes in a letter. I'm so done with this. 1
snowflakes88 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Okay, I quit... I regret even trying to help you here. Where did I say you were ugly??? And I NEVER said I'm exceptionally pretty or prettier than other darskinned women. I simply said I think I'm pretty. Hell, I'm me! I should think I'm pretty. That doesn't mean that I think everybody else is ugly. That's the root of your problem - you feel so badly about yourself that you can't even stomach someone else feeling good about themselves. You should feel good about you. You should think you're the sh*t. You should do whatever you need to do to get there! Feeling good about yourself is not a crime. But since you aren't open to hearing that, I'll give you what you obviously want to hear: You're right. You're ugly and horrific and dark and no one will ever love you. Which is a shame, because your attitude is so sunny and you seem like a joy to be around. 2
Bengal Tiger Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I dark skinned black women with natural hair and fun personalities. And I have dated a few. Just from reading your posts on here and having no idea what you two look like, I am more attracted to snowflake than missjones. Care to guess why? 3
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Here's an idea... For a white guy, I have a pretty diverse portfolio with black girls. PM your pic, and I will privately tell you if the problem is your skin tone or something else.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I do believe that you are having an emotional break down Miss. Calm down, we are only trying to help you...you are losing your mind over this all - not worth it... I see you are beyond words atm. But calm down... As of everyone else: calm down too, I sense too much tension now. Yikes...what a monster this thread turned into.
Recommended Posts