MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Black women are told to date out in order to expand our options. So that's what I am doing. But I find that I am still competing with lightskin black women and they have the edge. Im very frustrated. They are getting the black men I want and the white men. What do I do?? 1
ScreamingTrees Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Honestly, I have no idea. How do you know? Do you go up to a guy, regardless of his skin tone, only for him to see a lighter skinned black female and to give the "scuse me for a second" and walk over to her instead? How do you know that this is going on while you've got no luck? Are all of your lighter skinned friends getting with guys? I don't get how people come to these wacky conclusions about why they aren't doing so well.. You sure that's the issue? That it's out of your control? It might be harder to accept that you CAN do something about it, because it's harder.. I'd like to better understand where this belief stems from. 1
ja123 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 We might need some more details in order to determine if this is a perception issue or not, and to give you some feedback How many men are you talking about? How did you meet them? How do you know they chose lighter-skinned black women? In other words, provide some examples, details, etc.
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 at work, school, the bar, you notice both black and white men are more interested in black women that are lighter. also I was recently interested in a white guy only to discover he was more into a light complected black girl--the same scenario except the guy is of a diff race. I am just totally crushed because I thought dating white men would eliminate this issue. i wouldn't have anxiety everytime a lightskin woman walked into the room. I thought most preferred darkskin but its not true. they like lightskin black women too
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Date hispanics. same thing. they prefer lightskin too
tbf Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 any advice i'm frustratedIf it's true that black and white men prefer lighter skinned women, how exactly can anyone on LS help you?
kaylan Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I agree. Latino dudes love them some chocolate. Dont worry yourself about the colorism that goes on with some white dudes. Just find the guys who dig you and dont mind the rest. 2
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I agree. Latino dudes love them some chocolate. Dont worry yourself about the colorism that goes on with some white dudes. Just find the guys who dig you and dont mind the rest. the pattern keeps repeating itself. guys are always leaving me for lightskinned women or choosing them over me
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I've seen more white men with black women on a single vacation up north than I have my 20 years in Texas. I've seen it 3 times here and one includes me when I went on a couple dates with a black women about 11-12 years ago. SO location will play a big factor in this. Also, most white men aren't into black women and the ones who will date a black women are going to date the lighter skinned ones. Just being honest, I don't sell hopes and dreams. I don't prefer black women but there are some that do it for me! So I'm not opposed to dating one.
kaylan Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Location matters too OP. A diverse coast city will do your dating life a lot of good. I see a good bit of white and asian guys dating dark sisters in NYC. Outside of the city its more typical to see black and latino guys with them
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I agree. Latino dudes love them some chocolate. Dont worry yourself about the colorism that goes on with some white dudes. Just find the guys who dig you and dont mind the rest. I wouldn't exactly call it colorism. Many women aren't attracted to pale red heads which I happen to be. People have their preferences and if I'm too pale for someone I shouldn't judge them for their preference as I shoudn't be judged for not wanting to date a darker woman. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 at work, school, the bar, you notice both black and white men are more interested in black women that are lighter. also I was recently interested in a white guy only to discover he was more into a light complected black girl--the same scenario except the guy is of a diff race. I am just totally crushed because I thought dating white men would eliminate this issue. i wouldn't have anxiety everytime a lightskin woman walked into the room. I thought most preferred darkskin but its not true. they like lightskin black women too Why did you think that dating white guys would solve your problems? It seems like you're almost LOOKING for validation of your belief. You have to just continue to look. Someone will prefer you, there is someone out there for everyone. It's just a lot harder to find one person amongst many. We're all looking..
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I should add that the one I dated I knew from work (we dated after I had quit already) and we went to the same HS but didn't know eachother in HS. The familiarity made it easier. Interracial is hard because there are more unknows on the top of is she interested. It's that plus is she into white guys?
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I've seen more white men with black women on a single vacation up north than I have my 20 years in Texas. I've seen it 3 times here and one includes me when I went on a couple dates with a black women about 11-12 years ago. SO location will play a big factor in this. Also, most white men aren't into black women and the ones who will date a black women are going to date the lighter skinned ones. Just being honest, I don't sell hopes and dreams. I don't prefer black women but there are some that do it for me! So I'm not opposed to dating one. so where does that leave me?? i guess i'll have to die alone
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I wouldn't exactly call it colorism. Many women aren't attracted to pale red heads which I happen to be. People have their preferences and if I'm too pale for someone I shouldn't judge them for their preference as I shoudn't be judged for not wanting to date a darker woman. it is colorism if no one finds my color attractive. i deserve happiness despite being darkskin.
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Why did you think that dating white guys would solve your problems? It seems like you're almost LOOKING for validation of your belief. You have to just continue to look. Someone will prefer you, there is someone out there for everyone. It's just a lot harder to find one person amongst many. We're all looking.. because everyone keeps telling black women to date outside their race so they will have more options. if most black men are pursuing lightskin women for long term relationships then it would make sense for me to find love elsewhere. but i am encountering the same thing. i am still competing with lightskin black women and losing out. i feel like i hit a brick wall and i dont know what to do
ThaWholigan Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 because everyone keeps telling black women to date outside their race so they will have more options. if most black men are pursuing lightskin women for long term relationships then it would make sense for me to find love elsewhere. but i am encountering the same thing. i am still competing with lightskin black women and losing out. i feel like i hit a brick wall and i dont know what to do Don't think too much about race when you're dating. Just try to find men you like and try your best not to attach to much of your self worth to who you are dating. It will be difficult, but I urge you to take some of the emphasis away from dating. Not to say you shouldn't date, but try not to make it seem like a competition you can't win. I understand your misgivings, and yes it does seem like light-skinned/mixed raced black women have more attention, but it is simply because everybody draws attention to their attention. I see lots of beautiful dark-skinned women, and have been attracted to and tried to date quite a few (as a dark-skinned black man myself). There are more of us out there, you just have to keep looking and keep your head up and it will all be OK. (Yes, I realize the irony that I have a light-skinned black girl in my avatar ).
kaylan Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I wouldn't exactly call it colorism. Many women aren't attracted to pale red heads which I happen to be. People have their preferences and if I'm too pale for someone I shouldn't judge them for their preference as I shoudn't be judged for not wanting to date a darker woman. Its colorism dude. Ive heard more than enough white guys say theyd hook up with a dark chick but wouldnt date her. Well why wouldnt he date her publicly? Clearly hes attracted enough to sleep with her. Weve gone over this in other threads before. Some people in our country date folks based on public show...not always solely based on what theyre attracted to. And sometimes family has something to do with it and other times its something else 4
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Its colorism dude. Ive heard more than enough white guys say theyd hook up with a dark chick but wouldnt date her. Well why wouldnt he date her publicly? Clearly hes attracted enough to sleep with her. Weve gone over this in other threads before. Some people in our country date folks based on public show...not always solely based on what theyre attracted to. And sometimes family has something to do with it and other times its something else LOL screwing a chick you wouldn't date has NOTHING to do with color. Most to nearly all men would have sex with a woman they wouldn't date, even women know this. So if a woman doesn't like pale men is that colorism? 1
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 LOL screwing a chick you wouldn't date has NOTHING to do with color. Most to nearly all men would have sex with a woman they wouldn't date, even women know this. So if a woman doesn't like pale men is that colorism? maybe in your case skin tone has nothing to do with it. but in my case it does. a lot of guys dont view darkskin black women as relationship material at all. i cant get a guy to properly court me for the life of me. the only men i attract are ones looking for a bootycall. and that has to do with skin tone
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 it is colorism if no one finds my color attractive. i deserve happiness despite being darkskin. Yes you do deserve happiness despite being dark. I live in Houston which has a pretty sizeable black population and see dark couples all the time. Where do you live?
Author MissJoness Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Yes you do deserve happiness despite being dark. I live in Houston which has a pretty sizeable black population and see dark couples all the time. Where do you live? i am not going ot be able to attract a decent black man. just a bum or a loser who doesn't want to committ. the good ones all want women who are light or look somewhat mixed
SJC2008 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 i am not going ot be able to attract a decent black man. just a bum or a loser who doesn't want to committ. the good ones all want women who are light or look somewhat mixed Why won't you tell us where you live?
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