Eggplant Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I'm an American woman. I've been on several dates with a man who is from south-east Asia (Malay). Hopefully he keeps asking me out. There may be a cultural barrier. Any cultural perspectives/expectations/insights into what his cultural beliefs may be with regards to dating and relationships, just based on his background? 1
Djz05 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 For asians, Family is important (especially if he is old fashioned). We're thought to respect our elders and authority (with the occasional corporeal punishment; a slap here or there). Then theres a chauvanistic attitude towards women (wives should stay at home and do all the housework, while men just bring home the bacon). Parents prefer their children to date and marry within the same nationality. Now.... don't let that scare you off because by the time (from what i've observed with me and friends i know) asian men date other races, they've grown past most of the negative cultural hangups. Yes I am sure there are some with quite a few issues of their own but I'd hope thats just their own personal problems. 1
dchin1985 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Well. I am an asian men, dated white women and currently sort of dating a german girl. Cultural difference will always be there, Asian and white are brought up differently for both genders. Asians are very family oriented, your asian men will most likely pamper you and give you a lot of compliment. --> some european women are not used to this kind of attention from men. Second, i think in general Asian men are more faithful than white men, and mind you as an asian who dated white women in the past, I know what white young women are like sexually and have a high chance of cheating. So this will definitely come across in your men's mind. So trust is an issue. Asian women seldom play games and seldom do something to make her men jealous, so sometime i would think to myself why date a white women when the asian women are more secure. But every women is different and i should not generalize here. Asian are more traditional and i am sure you are going to have so much fun learning from each other. Edited March 20, 2013 by dchin1985 1
ses Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I'm half-Asian and half-white. As the other posters have stated family is paramount in Asian culture. He may have a traditional understanding and expectation of gender norms within a relationship depending on how Westernized his upbringing has been. He may expect you to marry and raise a family someday. Malaysians are predominantly Muslim so you may have to consider the possibility of converting to Islam, if only to appease his family. Learning Malay customs and the language are always good ways to endear yourself more to him. Good luck! 1
Els Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I think the most important component to this is whether or not he is a Muslim (as most SE Asian Malays are), and if he is, what sort of Muslim he is. Other than that, if he's in America, he may well have integrated into American culture to the degree that he might be more of an American culturally than a Malay. Only way to know that is to get to know him better as an individual. 1
travissss Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Agree, Asians tend to be very family oriented. I guess it depends how traditional the family is as well when it comes to dating outside their race. My girlfriend is German and I'm Asian American. Our parents don't have any problem (that I know of) with us dating, though I have yet to meet her parents. We're basically opposites, yet somehow we make it work. I think the cultural differences is what keeps our relationship interesting. We always have something to talk about, and I get try all sorts of delicious German foods! The biggest cultural barrier we face is ignorance of each other's culture. We might unknowingly offend each other, but as long as you communicate with each other it's all good. 1
Author Eggplant Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I think the most important component to this is whether or not he is a Muslim (as most SE Asian Malays are), and if he is, what sort of Muslim he is. Other than that, if he's in America, he may well have integrated into American culture to the degree that he might be more of an American culturally than a Malay. Only way to know that is to get to know him better as an individual. He was raised a Muslim, but he is agnostic. However, he hasn't told his mother that... (uh-oh). I am respectful of all religions. 1
Author Eggplant Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Second, i think in general Asian men are more faithful than white men, and mind you as an asian who dated white women in the past, I know what white young women are like sexually and have a high chance of cheating. So this will definitely come across in your men's mind. So trust is an issue.I am loyal. I wonder like you whether promiscuity varies with culture... but who knows.
Author Eggplant Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 The biggest cultural barrier we face is ignorance of each other's culture. We might unknowingly offend each other, but as long as you communicate with each other it's all good. I am worried about all the unwritten rules that I may be breaking, lol. He is very reserved in public groups, for instance, so does that mean he judges loud Americans badly?
Djz05 Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 He could just be reserved as a person. I think the "loud americans are rude" stems more from how westerners are more open and conversative compared to eastern cultures. Lots of random small talk and overfamiliarity with strangers. Unless you had specific business with someone, people were more private. At least thats how it seemd to me.
Els Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 He was raised a Muslim, but he is agnostic. However, he hasn't told his mother that... (uh-oh). I am respectful of all religions. I'm not saying you're not respectful of all religions, but if he was a religious Muslim there'd be several important considerations, such as the fact that you'd be expected to convert to Islam if you two ever see a future together. If he is agnostic, there isn't an issue with that.
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